Rapid Review: Fanboys (2009)

fanboys poster

“Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I’m concerned, that’s what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.”
– Hutch

SYNOPSIS: Star Wars fanatics take a cross-country trip to George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch so their dying friend can see a screening of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) before its release. – via IMDB

fanboys it was a romance in a sci fi opera

GRADE 7So on a movie watching day recently, a good friend of mine brought Fanboys with when she heard I had never seen it. Especially knowing how much I love Star Wars. Let me tell you, I had an absolute blast with this. I don’t care what the scores online say, this was hilarious and silly and entertaining and endearing… I had so much fun! The references sprinkled throughout this is absolutely fantastic, and the Star Wars vs Star Trek war that went down in this, again, exaggerated but a lot of fun. I liked this because it is not something I took seriously, which I think would be a surefire way to kill this, and I think you have to be a Star Wars fan to enjoy this one as much as the creators were hoping. It is cheesy, it is silly, it is what it is and it embraces that wholeheartedly, which works, in my opinion, so even with all the flaws, one can have fun with it, and I sure as hell did. I thought that it was great to see Chris Marquette in something again (although I am late to the party with this – I used to watch so much Joan of Arcadia growing up), and Sam Huntington was entertaining, too. Jay Baruchel has such a nasally annoying voice, but it suited his character down to a tee here. Dan Fogler was probably my favourite of the lot, even though he was super nasty at the best of times. I also liked the cameos we had of both Star Wars and Star Trek actors in this, it just made it so much more awesome. The whole journey to steal The Phantom Menace for a dying friend was great, I just feel so sorry for the guy knowing that was the only movie of the prequels he got to watch – what a disappointment :/ This movie definitely won’t be for everyone, there is no doubt in my mind of that, but I had fun, and it was great to watch this with my friend, who loves this, and Star Wars, it just elevated the whole thing in my mind.

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Generations (1994)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lookie here!! This is my third post in a row to host over here on TSCOABB (pronounced sko-ab for those in the know) (the T is silent). Well, maybe it is, maybe it’s not – I just made that shit up. Now we enter the Next Generation phase and, like I wrote below, these certainly aren’t my favorite movies or crew. I guess I just never really identified with them like I did with original gang. I thought Data was kind of a Spock rip-off and I just never got into Ryker. I wonder if JB liked this?? Let’s see!

star trek generations poster

SYNOPSIS: In the late 23rd century, the gala maiden voyage of the third Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701-B) boasts such luminaries as Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott and the legendary Captain James T. Kirk as guests. But the maiden voyage turns to disaster as the unprepared ship is forced to rescue two transport ships from a mysterious energy ribbon. The Enterprise manages to save a handful of the ships’ passengers and barely makes it out intact… but at the cost of Captain Kirk’s life. Seventy-eight years later, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-D find themselves at odds with the renegade scientist Tolian Soran… who is destroying entire star systems. Only one man can help Picard stop Soran’s scheme… and he’s been dead for seventy-eight years. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty, I am going to be dead honest here: I am not a fan of the Next Gen movies. Sorry people, but it is true. I find them to be… meh… I think a large part of that I am going to blame on Data irritating the absolute hell out of me all the time. Apparently I am seriously in the minority on my opinion there, but I really don’t care. He sucks more often than not! Generations was most certainly a less irritating outing for him though.

star trek generations enterprise

I know that this one is definitely one of the better Next Gen films, but I was still not bowled over by it. It was great to see Scotty, Kirk and Chekov, however briefly, before moving on to the meatier side of things, but I just felt that this was a bit of a missed opportunity. There was so much that just felt rushed, and then other stuff that just took forever to go anywhere. Like Picard’s nephew dying, it was a serious thing that was almost just swept under the rug as though it was unimportant. Confused me endlessly, I won’t even lie.

Sadly, my favourite bits all featured the original members. Chekov taking command and making nurses of random people made me giggle, though the situation was supposed to be serious. I also could not lend credibility in the Enterprise just leaving Spacedock, magically encountering a problem moments out, yet are able to say that nobody else is close enough to go on ahead and sort it all out. That Enterprise wasn’t even actually ready to leave Spacedock at all, it wasn’t equipped with just about anything, but they are supposed to go ahead and answer distress calls. Mmmmhmmmmm. Sure.

I am, however, a fan of Patrick Stewart, and I did enjoy his character of Picard. I just think that it is a little more difficult when the majority of the crew members are just there for me, and not necessarily people I like. They weren’t people I got involved with at all, and I don’t feel like they contributed anything of value to the story. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a Kirk fan per se, but the rest of the crew from the original films was awesome! I suppose we will see if anything changes and anyone grows on me some more this time around, but I am not so sure.

star trek generations data yes

Kirk’s ultimate write out was just a little… meh. It was embarrassing and fast and not the kind of goodbye you would expect after all this time. I suppose I wanted more. This movie had a really weak premise, a lot of lull, other arb stuff just happening. I think I was just let down because I expected more bang from having the two captains together. That alone had the potential to just be awesome, and it never happened. Oh well, let’s see what the next one brings next week!

the chop

Hi. I don’t know if I am going to take any shit for this or not but… I never really got into this particular franchise… I know this is one of someone’s favorite TV SHOWS, but when this came out I had just turned 16 and was more interested in tooling around town trying to pick things up.1 That never really worked2 so in the end I had to go get a job so I could pay for gas and would sometimes catch these on re-runs late at night when I had come home from doing some underage beer drinking in the parking lot behind work (and failing to make out with anyone)3

So – this being the case – I am not TOO familiar with the TNG universe aside from 26 year old drunken memories of late night TV and having the hots for Marina Sirtis.4

SIRTIS1

Obviously, I’d seen this one because this is the one where Kirk dies5 but I’d only seen it the one time and wasn’t particularly impressed6 but I gave it another shot yesterday and…. yeah, sure…7

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I think one of the things that really puts me off of TNG is Jonathan Frakes.8 I just can’t buy into him as a tough leading man. I also really can’t stand Brent Spiner and there was a LOT of Data in this movie.9 I do like the rest of the cast though, minus Whoopie Fucking Goldberg10 and the story was solid, but in the end I just felt like this was OK and, I’m not too familiar with the show but how about some of this:

sirtis2

I might need to check that episode out. Anyway, when I said I was watching this for our big project on twitter, the Nutter11 I linked to earlier said something like “DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY ANYTHING NASTY ABOUT PATRICK STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I said of course I wouldn’t because I love the guy and Jean Luc Picard is a stud. So, I figured it would be appropriate to end this with a little bit of this:

sirtis4

1 Chicks
2 DSB (See: Star Trek 3)
3 IBID
4 DSB Cure-All! (Patent Pending)
5 SPOILER!!!!
6 Not Arsed
7 IBID
8 IBID
9 Emotion Chip Bullshit
10 GROW SOME EYEBROWS WOMAN!!
11 What a Wanker

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek III – The Search for Spock (1984)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

WOO HOO!!!!! My first ever post on JB’s site!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Should I fill this post with half naked chicks like she does with dudes on my site??? Should I post a bunch of lurid images of Diora Baird and Rachel Nichols??? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?????? Well… probably not on THIS post but I’ll be doing some serious research for a future post. Guaranteed!  Anyway… today we have one of the less impressive entries into the Star Trek franchise. Kirstie Alley was replaced by some broad who would go on to do some MacGyvers and Spock basically goes into heat toward the end of the thing. This also had a couple of comedians as badass Klingons which really pissed me off then and now (Christopher Lloyd and John Larroquette. Also – after the success of Khan, they went ahead and went for another big Money Shot and (spoiler!!–>)  blew up the Enterprise…. Whatever! Oh well. This one is pretty weak. Let’s see what the delectable JB has to say about this thing.

search-for-spock-poster

SYNOPSIS: Following Kirk’s encounter with Khan that left the Enterprise severely damaged and Spock dead, they return to Starfleet so that Enterprise could be repaired. Kirk’s hoping to go back to the newly-created Genesis planet where he laid Spock to rest. But upon arriving, he is told that the Enterprise will not be repaired and that Genesis has become a delicate matter and until it is resolved, no one is allowed to go there or talk about it. McCoy is also acting strangely and is later detained when he starts talking about Genesis. Kirk is visited by Spock’s father Sarek, who tells him that he betrayed Spock because being placed on Genesis was not what he would have wanted. He tells Kirk he is supposed to bring Spock’s body along with his soul or katra as the Vulcans call it which he passes onto someone, and bring it to Vulcan for the final rites. Sarek assumes Kirk would have it but he does not. Kirk then thinks that Spock may have passed it someone else and realizes McCoy is the one who has… – via IMDB

jb star trek

Well, watching this again proved one thing for me: it certainly wasn’t as dragged out and long this time around, though it still remained flawed. Still, definitely not the worst entry to the lot of movies, and there were plenty entertaining parts that went with it all.

I was interested with the whole concept of Spock’s “soul” being able to be transferred elsewhere, and found it highly amusing that of all people to get it that it was Dr McCoy. It was quite a thing to watch a movie that spoke so much of Spock but never actually gave us much Spock, but that was alright. Even my favourite, ol’ Bones, seemed a little odd, fluctuating between himself and the bits of Spock that were bleeding through. At times this proved amusing, other times not so much.

What I did learn from this movie is that Sulu does not like being called Tiny… 😉

sulu tiny

Uhm, I can rattle on about this, but the mere fact that I don’t really have an awful lot to say should express to you the kind of movie this was – pretty bland. While certainly not the worst of the bunch, it was average at best. So much more could have been done with it if the creators chose to do so, but alas, they did not. I see this movie gets a very mixed lot of reviews, too.
the chop

If you’re a fan of the franchise, you’re probably familiar with the theory that the odd numbered films in this franchise suck. As a HUGE fan of Trek, I have to admit that this is pretty true for the most part. I know number 5 is the worst, if I remember correctly, and this one is….. not so good, even though it made a shitload of money… Anyway – I’m not sure what JB has in store for this one or whether she liked it or not, but I thought I’d approach this a little differently. Here, I propose how Star Trek 3 could have been done right:

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STSFSI

STSFSJ

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