Being Human (U.S.): Season 1 (2011)

4

being human season 1 cover

*CONTAINS SPOILERS*

What I liked:

  • Sally, Josh, and Aidan becoming so tight, especially after the guys initially tried to send Sally away.
  • Tony helping Sally to be a more interesting ghost. This was quite amusing for me.

being human season 1 sally and tony

  • Josh and Aidan’s struggle to be normal can be quite amusing at the best of times. Things work, and then they don’t, and then there are, of course, these insane complications. Makes for an interesting watch.
  • Josh and Nora and their super quirky, strange relationship – it’s hilarious, and they really click quite well.

being human season 1 nora and josh

  • Josh’s facial expressions are pure gold.
  • The intricate relationship between Bishop and Aidan. You get glimpses of it throughout the season, and while you don’t get far too much depth from it, you get enough to know it’s actually quite good.
  • This dinner scene, that went from amusing to hilarious (convince the family Josh is not a werewolf, let the vampire consume garlic, and wham, there we have it):

beign human season 1 dinnerbeing human season 1dinner silly werewolf being human season 1 dinner garlic being human season 1 dinner screw up

  • Josh reconnecting with his family was also a good thing – the show didn’t drag it out for forever and six days, when it would have lost its impact.
  • Sally’s death reveal – sheesh, that was some crazy stuff, but I think it was handled really well.

What I didn’t like:

  • Rebecca. This character just grated on me. So many of my complaints about this season come purely from her, and her antics.
  • Ray, and how  he tried so hard to split Josh and Aidan apart when they are such besties.
  • The camera work is a little sketchy at the best of times.
  • Sally really can make everything about herself.
  • Rebecca and Aidan being painted as this epic love story confused me. They were not that tight before she passed, they were not that tight after she was turned, but we are supposed to buy into them being each others everything? CONFUSED.

being human season 1 house wants to eat us

Rating:

The first time my husband and I watched this show (although the rewatches have just been me), we put it on as a filler something to play on the TV while we munched some junk food and chilled. What happened, however, was us burning through five episodes and getting to bed late (it was a weeknight) because we got hooked. I had it for a while but the premise just sounds absurd: “A vampire, a ghost, and a werewolf live together in an apartment and try to be normal”. It sounded so silly, and yet, when you watch it, it just works.

The show is so stupidly entertaining, but I can’t get enough of it, flaws and all. I think it is a crying shame that it was cancelled what with only four seasons. I know that this is based on a U.K. show of the same title, but that I have never watched. After this, I don’t know if I can ever watch it. This is actually quite a solid introductory season, and it has a smaller budget, sure, you can see this, but it never really detracts from the entertainment. I quite enjoy the characters, or I do, for the most part.

Sally, while she can be annoying and supremely self-centred, is also very sweet and exceptionally loyal. Then there is Josh, who is constantly overthinking things, but he is smart and quirky. Aidan brings up the last leg of this trio, and is the character I enjoy the most, because he is (so far) the most layered of the lot, but I suppose it is easier to create a more complicated character if they have been around for a few hundred years. Aidan is constantly sorting everything out for Josh and Sally where he can, being the loyal friend, pushing them to do more, to be more, always being supportive, but is also the one that gets the most flak if something goes wrong, which I really don’t think is fair. He is judged the harshest all the time, and expected to be perfect, when he is just a flawed individual.

being human season 1

Anyway, the show also has its share of superbly irritating characters – Rebecca and Marcus definitely top my list here. For one, Marcus was jealous and competitive and whiny, not to mention he did’t have a backbone. Then there was Rebecca. She was just some chick Aidan went out with one night, banged, and killed. Yes, that is bad, but then the show paints it like some epic love story when she comes back to life (thanks to Bishop) and all. I just didn’t get it. I could have bought into it if they just left it as a purely sexual thing, but they tried to force emotion into it the whole time and that was just awkward. Not to mention, she does super questionable things. The worst was when she turned Bernie, which crushed Aidan, who was forced to kill Bernie, and then Rebecca was all torn up like she had lost everything when she knew this kid all of one day? I don’t get it man!

The effects are a little dodgy, sometimes the pacing is a little off, but Being Human is packed with awkward humour, is tons of fun to follow, and has three great leads that carry this show really well, making it one heck of an entertaining watch, something I definitely didn’t initially believe it had any right to be.

being human season 1 paper

The Originals: Season 1 (2013 – 2014)

2

the originals season one cover

*CONTAINS SPOILERS*

What I liked:

  • So. Much. Klaus. I am a huge Klaus fan, and I was from the moment we met him in The Vampire Diaries. He’s just bad to the bone, really, and so unapologetic about it. He is what he is, and he doesn’t care who you are.
  • Elijah. Again, I have always like this Original. He is so honourable, has amazing suits, always looks good, speaks beautifully and has such a dignified air about him that you cannot help but respect him. On the flip side, do not get on his bad side. Like holy wow, the man is brutal as heck.
  • Being able to manage the stories of witches, werewolves, and vampires. New Orleans, man, was the best setting for this, because there are a ton of each of the supernatural beings, and it doesn’t seem out of place in New Orleans.
  • Glimpses of the Mikaelson past. Seriously, having been around for centuries means that there is history to tell.
  • Elijah and Hayley and all their back and forth. Yes. This couple? I think they are great. I just want Elijah to be happy, and he is so into Hayley, and being the man of honour that he is? Man, it’ll just be fantastic.originals season 1 elijah and hayleyoriginals season 1 hayley and elijah
  • The warring between Marcel and Klaus. Really, to see where Marcel came from, the relationship between him and Klaus, and how things have gotten? Oh my.
  • Father Kieran. I actually really like this character – I was a bit worried when there was the requisite priestly character for this type of thing, but it worked quite well.
  • The story arc of the wolves. I like that they are actually quite important here, not just a side plot to the vampires. The Originals has managed to successfully involve all these factions, and really well, too.
  • The relationships between characters is great. Elijah and Klaus, Klaus and Marcel, Marcel and Davina, Davina and Josh, Cami and Klaus… there are just so many and they all work exceptionally well.

What I didn’t like:

  • In The Vampire Diaries, in season two, Elijah was against Klaus because he was convinced that Klaus had killed off their whole family, and then Klaus brokered a deal to give the Mikaelson family to Elijah/reunite them, if he helped him. It was then revealed that the family had merely been daggered and lying in coffins. It was big news to Elijah. However, in The Originals, there are daggerings happening left, right, and centre, and it is well known knowledge that Klaus daggers the siblings that peeve him to teach them a lesson. I was not a fan of the inconsistency.
  • Davina actually irritates the hell out of me at the moment. She is so… she’s such a bloody child, and whiny. Get your things together sweetie, such is life!
  • Rebekah still irritates me. Not as bad as before, what with getting to spend more time with her, but enough to peeve me still. I guess we will have to wait and see how all this goes.
  • Francesca. Oh. My. Gosh. You can just tell she is trouble from the off, and what an ugly chick to boot, too. What an ego she has, too! Wow!

originals season 1 klaus

Rating:
Okay, so I ended up watching this because I finished all The Vampire Diaries and was all sad cause I was so hooked. Naturally, I turned to The Originals because you all know I love my Klausie. And Eljah. A lot. So I was, of course, willing to watch a show where they were the central leads. Of course I was. I wasn’t going to look down my nose at an opportunity to see as much Klaus as possible, as well as Elijah and his gorgeous suits, phenomenal poise, and stunning vocabulary. Seeking this out was well enough, as The Originals happens to be a really good spin off series, which is rare.

The plots are well developed, the characters have depth (even if it takes time to reveal them), the show ties in nicely to The Vampire Diaries, but only briefly and quickly, so you can easily watch this without the former, and the pacing is cool. The first few episodes fumble a little, as is to be expected, but as soon as the ball is rolling, we are on a fantastic mission here. It was interesting to see how Klaus’s opinion of Hayley and her pregnancy changed as the season continued, and it showed an extremely hidden side of him. Elijah, too, stepped up and showed another side to him, which I love. The man has impeccable taste and is a man of honour, integrity, and his word mean everything. He is super polished. However, under all that, he is a brute of note.

Klaus taking on Marcel for the city was interesting, too, because they both want such different things out of the whole deal. The story arc of the witches, their oppression, and then eventual completing of the Harvest was great, and resurrecting the fallen. I thought it was crushing to see how Rebekah had brought their father, Mikael, to New Orleans all those years ago to run Klaus out of town so she and Marcel could be together, because it is a really sad thing that Klaus is painted terrible and treacherous (he is), but nobody examines what happens before all these things.

originals season 1 elijah witches

Another thing I love? The chaste relationship between Elijah and Hayley. I am quite taken with it, and the tension between them is driving me wild. Let’s not forget the Camille side of things – I actually don’t particularly enjoy her character, I find her flat and needy. Also, the jumping between Marcel and Klaus is silly, and I don’t feel that her and Klaus click at all. I just wish it would work out. I particularly enjoy all the politics going on here, and the history of the Mikaelson family is compelling. New Orleans is the perfect setting for all the power plays and all the magical factions coming together. It is really good.

And that final episode? The dramatics! The intensity! The blood, rage, and anger? Eeeeeeep! As if I didn’t dislike papa Mikael enough, seeing more of his history, what he did to his kids, and especially Klaus? Never, ever going to like him now. UGH. I am a really big fan of seeing the Mikaelson history, as well as delving into their exceptionally messy family ties. For reals. Also, Mikael returning in the end? This could get absolutely fascinating.

The Originals is a really solid series with great characters and interesting stories. It is quite well written and really well acted. No time is wasted getting into the story, and I like that. The Mikaelson family is fascinating, and watching the broken dynamics of it is engrossing, and to see how all the relationships between characters tie in together is great. Truly well worth the watch!

originals season 1 klaus and rebekah

Review: Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)

8

underworld-blood-wars-poster-3

“The Vampire and Lycan clans have been at war for centuries, turning our world into a battlefield. For me, the fight is personal. Everyone I’ve ever loved has been hunted down. Now a new war is being waged.”
– Selene

SYNOPSIS: Vampire death dealer, Selene fights to end the eternal war between the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her. – via IMDB

underworld-blood-wars-weapons

GRADE 6Hoo-boy, was I ever excited for this! I know there are tons of people that have issues with the Underworld movies, but come on peeps, lighten up! They are fun and entertaining. Don’t overthink it. So when we got Blood Wars in December, I was out in full force to catch up with ass-kicking Death Dealer Selene, and to see what has become of the ever-precious Michael.

Now, right off the bat, I wanted to love the costume design. It is usually pretty good, but then this movie looked like The Hunger Games in terms of outfits. The parallel didn’t stop there. When I saw how the new Death Dealers were being trained, I was a little shocked. Seriously guys, since when are you guys in cages, wearing the same creepy leather vests, and training like you are going to get in the arena? Then the makeup and costumes that were so over the top also made me keep up with that line of thinking. Oh well.

underworld-blood-wars-training

I was pleased to see David and his father Thomas return, and I particularly enjoyed the story arc involving David’s lineage. Theo James is a welcome addition to the franchise, and works quite well with Kate Beckinsale. The story was again (surprise surprise) lacking here, but again, not a deal breaker for me. There is enough story to keep you mindlessly entertained, with plenty action to glue it all together. I was not pleased with the stupidly weak coup that took place, because really, there was so much more potential there to use than was actually realised. Another major issue I had with Blood Wars is that it felt rushed, and that is such a pity. It came across as a bit clunky.

The movie, as its predecessors, is dark and gloomy and looks good (even if you take that whole Hunger Games vibe and toss it). I appreciate the continuity of these movies, as it is more consistent than most franchises. I found Lara Pulver to be a total nuisance, and hopefully we will not have to suffer through any more of her in future. Bradley James reminds me of a young Mads Mikkelsen, which is pretty cool.

Underworld: Blood Wars is another silly, popcorn entertainment film that should satiate fans of the Underworld franchise, but might not appeal to people who are not familiar with the mythos of the vampire and lycan clans. I suppose it might not even really win over existing fans, but I thought it was alright! SPOILER: I absolutely refuse to accept this crappy premise that Michael is dead. REFUSE, I tell you. Guess we will have to see where it goes from here. Worth a watch, I’d say.

Review: Underworld: Awakening (2012)

9

underworld-awakening-poster22

“Do you think I’m foolish enough to take you at your word? No reason to fear a Death Dealer who fell in love with a Lycan, who murdered two of our elders, and who, at every turn, has betrayed her own kind.”
– Thomas

SYNOPSIS: When human forces discover the existence of the Vampire and Lycan clans, a war to eradicate both species commences. The vampire warrior Selene leads the battle against humankind. – via IMDB

underworld-awakening-jacket

GRADE 6.5While this is not my favourite Underworld film, it has grown on me since I first saw it, which was the only time I saw it. I wasn’t bowled over, it was a bit messy, true, and all over the show, and I was dead set against it because so little Michael just shattered me. But I watched it again and it actually isn’t that bad.

I am not a fan of the humans knowing about the clans, and the wars that have popped up because of that. I don’t know, I like the vampires and the lycans moving in secrecy, fitting in. This was a spin that I wasn’t keen on, and as the movie progressed, I thought things got even more bizarre. For instance, the humans are hunting them, etc. but the further on it goes, the less the movie even focuses on humans, which is just silly. It becomes just about the lycans (building a super breed) and the vampires. The humans just disappeared. Hello, where?

A child in a film pretty much always grates on me, and this was no exception. I was not a fan. I understood the arc, but didn’t much care for it. At least the kid wasn’t around the whole time. I would just not deal. Aside from her, I actually appreciated some of the new characters, like Detective Sebastian, David and his father, Thomas. I was interested to see how David and his father didn’t always see eye to eye, both having different ideals and how to go about them. Then there was Sebastian, a human, but very much on their side.

underworld-awakening

The one thing I really didn’t dig about this movie? The effects. They were beyond dodgy… looked like a bunch of first year graphic design students were given this movie and told to have a good time. I don’t know, it just wan’t okay all the time, and the other movies usually looked pretty good. Another thing? The story to this was, again, pretty thin. That being said, I suppose their is plenty action that is supposed to distract you from that, and the movie is shot pretty well and looks all dark and gloomy.

So while Underworld: Awakening has issues, it was still a light, fun watch. Definitely not as bad as I remember it, but it could definitely do with more Michael and Selene (yes, I will ship this for life man).

Review: Underworld: Evolution (2006)

2

underworld-evolution-poster

“For six centuries I was a loyal soldier to the vampire clan. But I was betrayed. The war was not as it had seemed. In one night, the lies that had united our kind had been exposed.”
– Selene

SYNOPSIS: Vampire warrior Selene and the half werewolf Michael hunt for clues to reveal the history of their races and the war between them. – via IMDB

underworld-evolution

GRADE 7So this film had some issues, for reals, but it was still not a waste of a film. For one, I really liked getting more history on the original players, because history is always interesting, and it just goes to show how consistent these movies are about what they are giving us. It is well thought out, so there aren’t tons of holes. I also liked how this picked up straight after the last one. The story is quite messy at times, to be honest, and just doesn’t come together as well as you would hope. There are so many issues at play here. I just wanted more bite (har har), and it didn’t quite deliver on that front.

I found that the effects were a little sketchy in this one, but that is hardly ever a make or break for me. The sets were not as great as Underworld, which is disappointing because I really liked the way that film came together visually. I was a particular fan of the way that William’s tomb/crypt/prison was designed – so intricate! The costume design was not my favourite thing in this one, either, which is a pity. So much more potential!

I was so pleased to see more of Michael and Selene in this one – the two just fit together and work perfectly. Not to mention I think that Scott Speedman and Kate Beckinsale work off of each other fantastically. They don’t have this super soppy romance; it’s edgy and heavy and beautiful, but they aren’t clinging to each other and swearing to die if they are apart. Plus they are quite a hot couple.

selene-and-michael-underworld

Also, we have tons of action to focus on in this one again. Crazy big fights, some more of Michael and his powers as a hybrid, the love between Michael and Selene, and the never-ending politics of the vampire clans. There have been so many lies there, and now nobody trusts anybody. The story is (too) simple to follow, but the cast performs well, and it is always fun to watch Beckinsale be a kickass Death Dealer. Speedman was super easy on the eyes, too, and Michael is just… yeah.

While consistency is key, Alexander Corvinus having cleaned up after his sons and their offspring was something I was a little confused by. It wasn’t hinted at at all, and here you see this crew constantly cleaning up. Surely the vampires and lycans would have known if there was some special force looking out for them and fixing everything? Anyway. I did like that he gave Selene another gift, because it alters the way that the story could unfold, and the different plot devices at play.

Evolution is, without a doubt, not as good as its predecessor, and while it is a little messy, it is still infinitely better than most. It focuses too heavily on the action sequences and less on story, and for  me, that cost it some points.  That being said, me? Still a fan. Big one. It will take more than that to ruin these for me.

The Vampire Diaries: Season 2 (2010 – 2011)

13

the vampire diaries season 2 cover

*CONTAINS SPOILERS* 

What I liked: 

  • Seeing more parts of the past of the Salvatores.
  • Finally getting to meet the evil bitch Katherine.
  • Damon Salvatore. For all sorts of reasons, and not just science. He is such an immensely layered character, especially when you get to see how he was as a human, before he was turned, before Katherine broke his heart.
  • Caroline Forbes as a vampire. While she irritated the crap out of me as a human, as a vampire she is fiercely loyal, strong, more self-assured, much less whiny and quite fun and sassy. Who knew she just needed to be the undead?
  • The friendship between Caroline and Tyler. It really just works on so many levels, and she really makes Tyler a more tolerable person.
  • Elijah. His character is so… intense and incredibly interesting.
  • These Original vampires have so much potential to be awesome, or just downright entertaining. Klaus is crazy to boot though, but so fascinating.
  • Damon’s reaction to Katherine is priceless. He has been in love with her for 145 years, but to find out about her betrayal crushed him, and he has gone out of his way to block her out of his life, to shut down his feelings.

vampire diaries season 2 elena stefan

What I didn’t like:

  • How many murders/disappearances per capita can a small town like Mystic Falls conceivably get away with before rocketing to the top of the most dangerous cities in America list? For reals man, people are just dying left, right, and centre.
  • Seriously, just because a person heals, doesn’t mean there isn’t blood left on the skin.
  • Katherine Pierce. Gosh, the woman is a nightmare.
  • The Jules/Mason arc that came and went. Seriously, there are better things out there to deal with. Plus Jules was the most annoying thing ever.

vampire diaries season 2 jeremy and damon

Rating:
GRADE 8Sheesh. This was one hell of a busy season, but it was highly entertaining. Unlike the first season, this one hits the ground running and wastes no time searching desperately for momentum. From the off, we are dealing with Katherine finally making an appearance, and how Elena actually ties into everything, and we meet the Originals, the beginning of all vampire bloodlines, and that comes with its own fascinating story. Dramatic, left, right, and centre, of course, but it is good.

Caroline changing was really one of the better things – initially I was dismayed, because now we were never going to get rid of that selfish, needy, whiny bitch, but wow, the change is amazing because she has grown into a character I actually enjoy. While Tyler started really irritatingly in this season, his character changes so much, and a huge part of that is Caroline, and I like that. Matt Donovan is still a whiny child though.

vampire diaries season 2 stefan and elena forever

I was, again, a huge fan of watching Damon and Alaric together, they really are just besties that work. Constantly snippy, but always looking out for each other, it is great. Damon had some real deep character reveals here now, which makes one think back to when he was a human, and a much nicer soul, so different. Lacing that with a cocky bastard was destined to win points all round, and every now and then he lets his nice side out, but hides it so well. He really is a damaged, impulsive, selfish creature, and it is more concerning that Stefan and all his broody history, because Damon is so in your face about his flaws and doesn’t acknowledge a better side, whereas Stefan is so desperate to cling to humanity and not acknowledge the evil of his past.

Stefan is a character that I really enjoy. As I have said, he dedicates so much of his energy to denying himself and what he is, but it makes for a complex character, constantly living on the edge. He also truly loves Elena, and I like watching the two of them together, even though I am interested to see where this is all going to go. I appreciated this season tackling the question of Elena potentially turning, as it is something that had not been addressed, which is off considering her choice of partner.

elijah mikaelson Grave-Mistake

This season also spends a lot of time showing how Damon is actually falling for Elena, and how other people are picking up on it more. It works though, it does. I am not actually peeved with this love triangle because it is handled pretty decently, and I usually hate the freaking things. The first time Tyler turns is really sad, too, as you can see things will never be the same again, either. I do like the developments of things with him and Caroline, I was never convinced she should be with Matt.

vampire diaries season 2 damon loves elena

I am quite a fan of these new, strange Original vampires being introduced – this has immense amounts of potential to bring awesome to the table. Elijah is a character that fascinated me from the off, and Klaus? What an evil SOB! Like wow, he is just evil, not like a maybe or something, and he just embraces it, which is madness, but I love it. So refreshing. There is so much to explore concerning the Originals, and the bits that we have been given so far are really good. So looking forward to more of this, these Originals really do captivate the audience without fail. Great season, I seriously enjoyed every moment of it.

vampire diaries season 2 omg elijah

Review: What We Do In The Shadows (2014)

28

what we do in the shadows poster

“Yeah some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone and then, you think, ‘Oooh, those are some nice pants!’.”
– Viago

SYNOPSIS: Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav are vampires who are finding that modern life has them struggling with the mundane – like paying rent, keeping up with the chore wheel, trying to get into nightclubs, and overcoming flatmate conflicts. – via IMDB

what we do in the shadows

I have been meaning to get to this for so long, and finally I got the opportunity. You know what? I had such a good time with this movie! It was hilarious. Wow. I cannot tell you how much fun my fiancé and I had watching this. We popped it in, had no real expectations, and promptly started laughing and it continued in that fashion for the next hour and a half.

The vampires we are introduced to, Vladislav, Viago, Petyr, and Deacon, are just mad. Arguing about dishes that haven’t been washed in years, all tiptoeing around Nosferatu lookalike Petyr, arguing as to what it means to be a vampire, the mundane lives they are living, this all came together well. The fact that this was shot in a mockumentary style, which is something that I was a little wary about because it is usually something that filmmakers try and fail dismally at. However, it was it he perfect medium to tell the story. Imagine these centuries-old vampires living together in a flat, from all sorts of avenues of life, and now together in New Zealand for their different reasons. New Zealand has been doing a really great job with the horror comedy genre recently, I have to say.

Anyway, Nick was a character that came in and I liked, but let’s face it, we all still liked Stu more for some absurd reason. The werewolves with their classic line on being “werewolves, not swearwolves” had me in stitches every single time they said it, and the interactions between the vampires and werewolves was highly entertaining. The play that was made on vampires today and what we know was done very well, and I found the movie to be really witty and balancing just enough cheese and lunacy in it to be wonderful.

werewolves not swearwolves

What We Do In The Shadows is a comedy that is smarter than most will probably give it credit for, and is infintely quotable. In a day and age where vampires have been overdone and made to be superbly ridiculous, this is such a refreshing watch which I highly recommend.

Twilight Saga Review (2008 – 2012)

29

twilight saga complete collection

Alrighty, I know this is Thursday and there should be a book review, but that will go up tomorrow. I have to complete this run of Twilight Thursdays properly. Might as well disrupt my OCD for one day 😛

gir eye twitch

Recently I sat down to watch these with Natasha for a Shitfest 2015 entry after I had read those godawful books (which most of you have read all about over the last few weeks). At any rate, I was not watching them alone. In actual fact, I was not going to watch them ever, at all, but after some mild forceful coercion, the Kidney won out and I prepared to watch them. Prepared, because I faffed around for ages, prolonging the inevitable. But eventually it happened.

However, something was soured for me. Completely. They are by no stretch of the imagination good movies, but I have read the books (ugh), and in terms of that, it cannot be denied that they are actually pretty decent adaptions. How does that work? Crappy books get loyal adaptions and remain shitty movies, while good books get crappy adaptions and ruin stories? Gosh, the world we live in. I really should consider another career.

book slappers movie job

Two big reasons that I actually made it through these movies:

  1. Jackson Rathbone is absolutely ridiculously fucking hot and yummy and he happens to portray the one character I simply adore;
  2. The fact that Natasha damn near bolted me to the couch. And found it highly amusing to watch me wallow in my unhappiness. My bestie is sadistic…

jackson rathbone smile omgjackson rathbone yumjackson rathbone smile omg2jackson-rathbone-hmmjackson rathbone

Huh, what? Sorry, sorry, got a little sidetracked there. I am back. Okay wait, last one…

jackson rathbone

However, after surviving these movies (and believe me, I had my doubts along the way that I would), I cannot help but have a soft spot reserved for them because I had ridiculous amounts of fun watching these with Natasha, ragging them blind, clinically assessing the type of adaption they were from the books, both of us having feminist freak out sessions because Bella is a useless lump and suicide is not the answer when your love moves along, but really, ripping it apart was a sheer blast. This does not make them good movies, I want that on the record. I don’t know if I can watch these again, or if I could ever view them on my own, but with the Kidney it was well worth it.

Ten points to Gryffindor. Bella evidently missed the lesson.

Alright, enough waffling (see, even now I am still procrastinating). I am going to talk about some things, but I will keep myself (mostly) in check.

The Good:

  • Casting choices. No, seriously. Most of the casting was done pretty well in here. Most of the time. The performances were also about as good as you could get on this level (a bit… uhm… wooden at the best of times, but they all tried). Michael Sheen was pretty entertaining, even when he ventured into territory that was a little dodgier than was required.
  • Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson actually managed to bring some passion to a really dead relationship (in the books – in there it was just poison, no passion), and they have to be given credit for it, even if they were a little wooden at times.
  • The Volturi’s outfits when they came for their showdown. Really good. You can’t blame me… you know how I get about the sweeping cape-like look… eeek. Plus there were all black and red and luscious and lovely.

volturivolturi guard

  • Jackson Rathbone. I would just like to take a minute (again) to wax lyrical here about how insanely gorgeous the man is. I mean, how hot is this guy?! He isn’t in many other things, which is a serious pity, and I have always enjoyed him. I guess I will take what I can get.

jasper spinning baseball batjasper baseball hot

  • Obviously I enjoyed the way the baseball scene was cobbled together, and not just to get an eyeful of Jasper… I swear… *super innocent whistle*
  • The wedding scene was really well done. I will have to give them credit for that.
  • Pattinson has the world’s most smug smile to demonstrate when Edward is getting his way, and I love it. I can’t help it, he starts smirking and then I do, too.

edward cullen smirk (2) edward cullen smirk

The Bad:

  • Some things were changed from the book to add more drama. As if things weren’t melodramatic enough.
  • Some extremely questionable effects, which is unacceptable in the later movies (where they got so much worse) considering the budget increased. How is it that the smaller budget films managed to look that much better? It evades the limits of my understanding. While we are at it, how you could see which sets were backdrops and what not. Awkies.
  • I was actually really, really looking forward to all the betting between Jasper and Emmett. Absolutely no such luck for me there, and it was the one thing that actually provided significant entertainment in the books. They were relentless.
  • Bella was whiny in these films, but seeing as it wasn’t internal dialogue for us to wade through like the books (thank goodness), it was more bearable, but I still wanted to shake her and slap her. She does not need Edward to breathe, there is no need to kill yourself if you cannot be together. The things this story taught young girls. Ugh. The feminist in me is revolting again just thinking about it.

bella swan sandwich feminist setback

  • The wolves communicating with each other telepathically (which would have been bearable if done correctly). I actually cringed. Like holy crapsticks….
  • That baby that they made up as Renesmee? Good gracious, that thing was just creepy. WTF was angelic about that?! #confused

The What-The-Fuck:

  • The love story between Bella and Edward. Goodness, true to the books it just came out of nowhere and became an obsession. I just… I don’t… what… it’s… so dangerous and creepy and scary and dodgy and poisonous and… eeeeek.

twilight abusive

Somebody checked off that list here with examples.

  • Always the descriptions about how dreary and overcast it is in Forks (in the books). Which is fine. Twilight and New Moon both stuck to that concept for the movies, but the last three? Vampires everywhere in the sun with no freaking sparkles. And not because I am into the sparkles, this is purely based on consistency and continuity…. because who cares? Chuck it right out of the window.

supernatural kill the sparkling vampires for free

  • Natasha’s biggest gripe (and I am wholeheartedly behind her on this): all these books and movies teach you is that you can only be a real woman after you have gotten married and popped out some kids. Nice, really, very classy. I cannot be complete without a man, a ring, a rugrat. Men are what women need to be whole, apparently. Our very core and essence. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. What the fuck? Are you kidding me?!

stephen king twilight comment

Stephen King was so totally right about this. He also went on to say what he wanted about Meyer and her godawful books here, and actually had a girl criticize Stephen King for knowing nothing about real books. OMG?! REALLY?! Yes. Quote? “Steven [sic] King doesn’t know what a real book was if it hit him in the face. He’s just a bloody guy who is jealous of Edward’s good looks.” – I don’t even know if I want to comment on that.

  • The fact that this is some huge phenomenon actually hurts my head. How did this happen? How?! It’s twisted and creepy and toxic!
  • How a love story could become so massive when it is flat, bland, unsexy, completely devoid of passion, but rates highly in the dangerous and toxic department. Is this what girls want nowadays? Stalker husbands, controlling boyfriends? I am so confused. Or I am too independent. I don’t know.
  • Naming your child Renesmee. Seriously, what the fuck was up with that?!
  • That even in the movies, Meyer’s supporting characters are still the ones you want to know more about. That is just something that boggles my mind, that she writes the most useless mains, but her supports are really good. I don’t understand.

what-is-this-i-dont-even

  • How they took one of the things that was actually excellent in the books (the history of the Quileutes, their legends and why they are as they are) and managing to bone it completely. That wasn’t even the right history, or the same, or told as gracefully. Meh. What the hell was the meaning of this?! It’s embarrassing to say the least, ruining the one thing that worked. Offensive.
  • I will never understand how it was socially acceptable for Jacob to be head over heels in love with Bella and making out with her and lusting after her and hating Edward to death, but then imprinting on their daughter (like OMG) and she becomes his life… because that isn’t a little sick and incestuous at all… no ick involved!

twilight snape voldemort mean girls

Then there was this article, one of the millions of articles you would find on the matter of how the cast hated the movies I know, but still. Also, this one had me giggling quite a bit, it really captures how silly things were at the best of times in the first book, Twilight. The AU-DA-CI-TY, I tell you!

So, overall, I have definitely watched infinitely worse movies in my life. I have, sadly. I am sure you have, too. I wanted to hate and despise these more than I did. They still sucked. They are Shitfest worthy. But maybe because I had way too much fun on the viewing experience, it lifted them all up for me a little. But I can recommend them if you are looking for a movie to watch with your bestie and trash beyond any and all logical reason.

supernatural vampires

Review: Dead in the Family – Charlaine Harris

3

dead in the family

The Southern Vampire Mysteries / Sookie Stackhouse #10

Sookie Stackhouse, local Bon Temps waitress and telepath, is recovering from her torturous ordeal in the Fae War that she survived recently. Her roommate, witch Amelia Broadway, moves out of the house, and Sookie is alone and terrified. Her relationship with vampire Sheriff of Area 5, Eric Northman, is also suffering, and she needs to find a way to get out of it. Before she can think about it too much, her fairy cousin Claude Crane asks her if he can move in with her, which she allows. She gets a call from Alcide Herveaux, packmaster of the Shreveport werewolves, asking her if they can use her land on the night of the full moon, to which she agrees.

However, after the full moon, Alcide’s enforcer Basim tells her that there is a body on her land, as well as the scent of a fairy. Eric comes to see Sookie, and the two are interrupted when Eric’s maker, Appius Livius Ocella, appears at Sookie’s house with his latest protege, Alexie Romanov. It seems that Alexei is becoming hard to keep a handle on, and Ocella thought that Eric might be of assistance. Sookie’s blood bond with Eric weakens her even more when she is now aware of all three the vampires through her connection to him, seeing as they all share blood. She tells Eric of the fact that his “tracker”, Heidi, found a fresh body on her land after she told him of the unknown fairy wandering her land previously, and a party is formed to check out who is buried there. Alcide is requested to join, and the fresh corpse the group finds is Basim. It seems that Alcide’s new girlfriend Annabelle may be involved, and he calls a meeting, which Sookie and Jason must attend. However, it seems someone set Sookie up, because soon the cops arrive to investigate the possibility of a dead body on her property.

Sam Merlotte, Sookie’s boss and friend, is having issues at the bar when some of the locals start protesting against the fact that he is a shapeshifter, and are siding with a large majaroty of the population what want the two natured community to register themselves. Bill Compton, Sookie’s ex-boyfriend, is not healing very well from the wounds he sustained protecting Sookie in the Fae War, and seems to think that blood from his maker will heal him. Seeing as Sookie killed Lorena, she wonders if Bill’s “sister” would be of any help, and sets out to track her down to ask for her assistance. Sookie is getting edgy seeing as she has had a run in with Dermot, her great-uncle  that fought against her great-grandfather in the Fae War, who looks exactly like Jason but wants her dead. Scared of that, Sookie is also progressively getting more peeved with the fact that Eric has not been in contact with her, and that he is miserable with Ocella being around with Alexei.

Will Bill ever heal? What will happen to Sam in the Bon Temps community what with people now deciding that he is not like them, and that he will pay for it? Who killed Basim and tried to frame Sookie for it? Will Eric be able to help Ocella with Alexei? Will Ocella leave Eric alone when all is said and done? Was Annabelle involved with whatever happened to Basim?

GRADE 4.5So this one really didn’t thrill me so much. There were some serious issues that I had with it, things that have been irritating me a while since I have been reading these, but that just reached a crescendo. For me, a huge issue is the way Sookie continually refers back to her Christianity and faith and the type of Christian she is, and how her thoughts are not Christian enough or something like that. I absolutely cannot stand people that are like that. Don’t tell us all about how you are a good or a bad Christian because of your choices, just get the hell on with it already. People that talk like that, for me, are pretentious and not as devout as they may claim. Ten books on, every book has brought it up without fail. I am over it. Then, what was this ridiculous stuff of oneys and twoeys and deaders all of a sudden?!  As if weretiger, werepanther, wereanimal, wereanything and fairies weren’t embarrassing enough, it went on in this direction, too. Uhm… it looks even  more ridiculous. Dead in the Family also didn’t contain a particlar amount of humour, and Sookie is (again) whinging constantly and everything is still about her. It was interesting to read about Eric’s maker, but it was seriously underplayed, and silly. I wanted just a little more detail there. Harris also seems to have a thing of bringing famous dead people back. I love how Bubba is around in the other books, but seriously, how many famous dead people could you possibly rewrite? However, Alexei, shallow as his character was, most certainly had potential as the history surrounding the slain Russian royal family has always been interesting. Anyway, besides that, there is not really too much to report on further in here. It reads quickly (as do all the others), but squandered scenes that could have resonated more (Bill’s illness, Caroline Bellefleur learning about Bill, Ocella’s return, Eric’s fear, the protesters against the two natured, Sam’s bar, the fairy that is “stalking” Sookie, etc). Plus two… where was sexy, snappy, cheeky Eric the Viking?! Also, before this I had to read a short story called Two Blondes, and I have absolutely no idea why I had to. There was no mention of that little adventure or the politics of it, the whole thing with Victor taking over is taking quite the backseat, Sookie’s stilted psychology after her torture just righted itself way too quickly, Amelia disappeared quickly and Claude moved in fast. Nah, definitely not my favourite of the lot, to be honest, it feels really inconsistent with the other books.

Review: Dead and Gone – Charlaine Harris

7

dead and gone

The Southern Vampire Mysteries / Sookie Stackhouse #9

Sookie Stackhoues lives and waitresses in Bon Temps, Louisiana, and is telepathic. A big change occurs in the world when the the wereanimals make their presence known to the world. Things are never going to be the same again, and Eric Northman, vampire Sheriff of Area 5, has done his best to ensure that the public announcement goes smoothly. Sam Merlotte, Sookie’s boss, is a shapeshifter, and the community seems to take this relatively well. Arlene Fowler, Sookie’s ex-friend and Merlotte’s waitress, has become heavily entwined with the cult called the Fellowship of the Sun, and resigns when she knows what Sam is. Sam’s stepfather doesn’t take the coming out well, and Sam rushes off to Texas to his mother who was shot when the announcement came out. Sookie is left in charge of the bar, and has her work cut out for her running the bar while Sam is gone. Sookie is also getting irritated with the fact that Octavia Fant, her witchy roomate Amelia’s mentor, is still staying with them, and it was not really Sookie’s choice. At least Bob, Amelia’s former lover who she turned into a cat, is back to his normal ways.

Sookie learns from her great-grandfather and fairy prince, Niall Brigant, that she should be careful. He has powerful enemies, and Braendan, another fairy prince, is intent on hunting all part fairies down and killing them as he sees them as abominations, and then sealing the two worlds off. Sookie has not seen Eric in a few months, but finally one night she is called out to see him at his bar, Fangtasia, and she is given a package to deliver to Eric. In front of the new King of Louisiana, Felipe De Castro, who owes Sookie for saving his life, Sookie gives Eric a package which contains a ceremonial knife. Afterwards, she learns that she is somehow tricked into a vampire marriage to Eric, meaning that nobody can take her. The marriage is only recognised by vampires.  The FBI shows up to question Sookie about her telepathic abilities and the identity of Barry Bellhop after they found out about the help she provided at the bombing of the Pyramid of Gizeh, but that will have to wait when her brother Jason’s pregnant wife, werepanther Crystal Norris, is found crucified in front of Sam’s bar. Suddenly the whole town suspects the worst of Jason again, and there needs to be some way to clear him. Sookie is terrified of having the FBI take her life away.

Eric and Sookie, meanwhile, are getting closer, and the more Sookie learns about Niall’s fairy war, the more danger she is in. Eventually she has to call in favours from there Weres and the vampires to keep her protected, and she is suddenly glad she had those chips to call in. Arlene seems to want to make things right between her and Sookie, though upon arrival it looks like Arlene and her Fellowship friends have something dark and evil in store for Sookie, and she calls in detective Andy Bellefleur to help her out. Things are getting more dangerous as Sookie is hunted down by Braendan’s people, and her fresh and new relationship with Eric causes some strife between her and Sam, which is unfortunate.

Will Braendan’s people get hold of Sookie? Will her favours that she has called in be enough? Will her and Sam get over her seeing a vampire again? What does Sookie’s vampire marriage entail? Will the FBI leave Sookie in peace? How will Eric and Sookie work out now? Who murdered Crystal Norris? How long will Octavia still be with Sookie and Amelia?

GRADE 6.5This was more of a return to form for me, and I enjoyed Dead and Gone. The wereanimals finally came out of their shell, and it went semi-smoothly… in Bon Temps, at least. Things moved along relatively quickly, and even the fairy stuff in here didn’t irritate me. In fact, I would like to applaud Harris for doing real fairies – creepy, scary, brutal warriors, and not this Tinkerbell crap. I know that sounds mad, but when it gets down to traditionalist fae stuff, that can be really interesting. While this was not too much of the lore and all that, it was just nice to have something a bit more hardcore you know? The war that was waged (unlike the two wars in the last book) was also pretty heavy. I liked Tray and Amelia seeing each other, too, and that Sookie and Bill have found a way to sort of be friends, which I like. Jason is still a twat, though what happened to Crystal was heavy, even if they were separated at the time. I was so happy when Sookie and Eric started kicking it together again. Yep, that was me, happy as can be. The fact that he has his memories back is great. Quinn’s quick visit to Sookie initially felt like a total waste of time, but then it all made sense. Arlene is also a shallow and foul person, so that was also something. Not a shock, not by a long shot, but still. This was a book that contained a hell of a lot of deaths, but again, you aren’t particularly attached to any of these characters, so it isn’t like Rowling-Ripped-Out-My-Soul bad, just a loss of a character you got used to popping up from time to time. I enjoyed Bubba making an appearance again, he is always welcome.