Top Ten Movies of 2015

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Man, I have to say that while 2015 had some decent movies, it was quite the bland year for cinema overall. Really now, I mean it. I was quite disappointed with the pickings all round. In 2014 I had to split the list up into two parts, it was crazy! This won’t be a conventional list, that’s for sure, but I had a great time with these movies… well, most of them. Some really only just made the list. Without further ado, here’s a look at the movies I enjoyed the most this year!

10. Tie between The Martian and Sicario

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I definitely did not love this movie like most people did, though I found it to be a decent watch. In fact, I was a huge fan of everything that was happening in space, on Mars. It was fascinating, and Damon gave one heck of a performance, he was brilliant. I loved the disco music and the geeky humour, I enjoyed all the little things. But then there is the Earth aspect, and that brought the whole film down quite a bunch for me. However, it is a nice return to form for Scott.

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Again, maybe not a film that I obsessed about, but I enjoyed it well enough. It looked stunning and Benecio Del Toro gave one heck of a performance. But then there were the drawbacks, like the whiny character Emily Blunt played, making me dislike her (super shocker o.O), not to mention that the movie really strives to come across as smarter and more in depth than it actually is, which means there is this disjointed feeling you experience.

9. Spectre

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This was one of my most anticipated movies of 2015. I was freaking out about it, I needed it. Immediately. I am almost glad we got it a little later than other people – that allowed me to get my expectations in check. The trailers were marketing a Casino Royale 2, which is most certainly the furthest thing from this movie. Spectre returns to some old school Bond cheese, for better or worse, but it is not nearly as supremely a crappy movie as it is painted to be. I had a good time with it, though it certainly isn’t my favourite Bond movie. There were things Spectre did right, and other places where it floundered. Uneven doesn’t make for terrible, though, and it is a fun watch.

8. The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

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Oh yes. I had an absolute blast watching this. I knew from the trailers that it would likely be fun, especially with Ritchie’s name attached to it, but when I watched it? I had a ball. It was much better than I was daring to hope for, and by having the genetic jackpot winner Henry Cavill on screen opposite a worthy Armie Hammer was beyond fantastic. The duo shared great chemistry, the humour is highly entertaining, Alicia Vikander is gorgeous, and while there was nothing new to be garnered from the movie, it was stylish to boot.

7. The Final Girls

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So much awesomeness! I watched this between exams when I desperately needed a moment to breathe, and I am so glad that I chose this. The Final Girls is smart and has heart, too, and is hilarious – especially if you are a big fan of old school horror, which gets plenty of homages here. The performances stand out in this movie, and the script is bold and endearing all at once, and everyone just looks like they are having the time of their lives. Horror comedy? Not so much, but a damn fine comedy with horror throwbacks for sure, and the execution is beyond brilliant.

6. Bone Tomahawk

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Western horror. Those were the two words that intrigued me and sold me on this. I had to know how it was going to be done. Let me tell you, Bone Tomahawk is excellent. A horror opening, a western film beyond that, and it closes out with horror again. Yes, the balance is perfect, the performances were awesome, the movie was shot well and is bloody, brutal, violent. I fell in love with this, and I think it is a movie I am going to return to a few times.

5. Mad Max

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I didn’t expect to enjoy this one nearly as much as I did, but the minute this movie started up, I knew I was in for something special. The film is an assault on the senses and balls to the wall crazy – just as you think they cannot top the bizarre that has just been displayed on your screen, think again! The insanity never wears thin, and it looks amazing and is well acted. The movie looks and sounds phenomenal, too. Let’s also not forget the fact that Theron did not irritate me in this (super unusual) and the movie carried a strong feminist message, even for a movie that is essentially a two hour car chase through the desert.

4. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

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I went for this. Twice. I finally reviewed it. I didn’t expect to, because I never know just what to say when it comes to major favourites of mine. I had fun with this. When Disney bought out Lucas, I was worried, especially when they announced a new installment to the franchise. My fear was not allayed when Trevorrow dropped out, but my heart soared when I heard that J.J. Abrams was to helm the film. Why? Because he just gets sci-fi, and he totally knows how to reboot… and he is a Star Wars fan. After watching it? All I want in life is a BB-8 and I just want to say that Adam Driver was looky as hell. Oh. My. Gosh. Seriously, that hair ❤ I don’t want to go into another crazy geek out session here, so you can just head on over to the review if you want to know exactly how I felt about this.

3. Ex Machina

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Ah, this. This was something I threw in to watch with my other half, seeing as he enjoys the whole concept of AI, etc. What I did not expect, however, was the perfect union between psychology and AI, something that is usually overlooked in these types of films. Also, the movie is quite ambitious, and when that happens with a film like this, someone usually ends up dropping the ball, leaving behind a bitter taste due to the botched affair. Ex Machina, however, did not suffer from this. It has a tiny cast, but each one of them delivered perfectly, the film looked beautiful and really makes you think when all is said and done. The best part? There was no disappointment by the end of it, it definitely delivered the goods.

2. What We Do In The Shadows

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I know, many of you are going to wonder why the hell this ranks so highly… but I loved it. I freaking loved every damned second of it, and in my ten million rewatches? It remains a classic, priceless, hilarious gem. It appealed to every silly sense of my humour, and is way smarter than it is given credit for. #VirginSandwiches #EighteenthCenturyDandy #WearwolvesNotSwearwolves #DarkBidding

1. John Wick

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This. Hands down. The style… the awesome, the beauty, the thrill, the colours, the choreography, Keanu Reeves… John Wick just blew my mind. The second I saw the trailer, I knew we were in for something insane, but I had no idea that it would win me over quite the way it did. It also doesn’t get old. Repeat viewings have kept me engaged and happy and even more excitement was to be had. Plus the soundtrack was fantastic. Too much style, too much awesome, too much love!

Top 20 Movies of 2014: Part 2 (1 – 10)

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So I gave you Part 1 earlier this week, counting down my top twenty films for the year from 20 – 11, and today I will share the big ones, the ten films I enjoyed the most in 2014!

Again, we are still waiting on some of those massive releases most of the world got already, but no matter. These are the ten films this past year that made me think, or just thrilled me endlessly, flaws and all.

10. The Babadook

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Another independent budget flick, and another goodie to be sure. The Babadook sure provided some thrills and chills, and I thought it was a wonderfully crafted horror movie. I have not seen one this good in a really long time. The acting was quite solid, the pacing was good, the story was something different, and it gives you something to think about when all is said and done. Not to mention, when that freaking thing opens it’s mouth to speak, that’s just scary as hell! Absolutely great work here, and well worth looking into!

9. Coherence

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Mind games all the way, Coherence is another small budget film with a small cast, minor effects and all that, but with a story that will just shatter your mind. It is a simple plot that draws you in, even though it is a slow start, but when it gets going, you have to keep your wits about you. Fantastic concept and one of the more fresh films I have seen in years, Coherence proves that sometimes less is certainly so much more.

8. Interstellar

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Absolutely amazing to look at, visually, with some solid performances, Interstellar was an epic space journey. It was my most anticipated movie of 2014, and, as always, Nolan delivered the goods with this one. Going in you sort of think you are ready for what is about to happen (yeah, right), and by the end of it you know that you have been owned. Wow, that is all I can actually say. I know there has been a very mixed reaction with this, but I am firmly in the impressed camp.

7. X-Men: Days of Future Past

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Here’s another superhero film and all of that, for sure, but this turned out to be even better than I expected. Trust me, my expectations were pretty high for this as is. A solid story, fantastic performances, and awesome effects? This was definitely going to make it. An interesting plot, plenty of humour and plenty of drama, this movie was incredibly well balanced and benefited from a phenomenal execution, X-Men: Days of Future Past demonstrates clearly what one expects when going in for a film of this caliber, and delivered on each and every front.

6. Snowpiercer

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I went in for this not really knowing what was going to come. Then I had my mind blown. This movie was fantastic. I was incredibly shocked at how well it worked, especially considering the closed environment should have (in theory) crippled it. Instead, it told a crazy story. The cast was brilliant for this, and the performances they gave were amazing. I was a big fan of Chris Evans’s portrayal of Curtis, too, he just dominated that role, reminding the world that he is so much more than just Captain America.

5. Filth

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Well, this was another movie just to prove to me why I am a James McAvoy fan. Truly his finest performance to date, in my opinion, Filth rocked my socks on so many levels. The movie starts off all fun and games, albeit a little dark, and soon is this descent into sheer lunacy, dragging you along for a really bad trip, the whole time wondering where the hell you are. The cast worked so well, the plot was solid, the execution fantastic, and features one of the best twists I have seen in ages (truly damn near brought me to my knees). Definitely worth the watch, I thoroughly enjoyed this!

4. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

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This movie boasted some of the most amazing CGI and effects I have seen in ages, and touted some serious emotion and some excellent action. An incredibly successful follow up for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, this movie brings so much to the table, and should be noted for it. While maybe not completely perfect, it was plenty more than enough fun, and was extremely well put together. Andy Serkis is the motion capture king for a reason, and I think he worked phenomenally well with Toby Kebbell, who brought a whole different element to the fore here.

3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

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This movie just… wow. I loved it. It came together so well and thrilled me, and the more I thought about it after the fact the more I liked it. I got totally obsessed with it. The Winter Soldier was a great villain, the action was fast, fun, and brutal, the cast all played off each other brilliantly, it was shot beautifully and it was paced well. I missed the period feel that Captain America: The First Avenger offered, but I felt that this movie carried itself without that setting. Captain America remains my favourite Avenger, and this movie once again demonstrated why. Slick, fast, spy thriller feel? So there!

2. The Guest

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I went into this hoping it would be something I would enjoy, not expecting it to turn out to be something that I would love. I mean I had to rearrange my whole top ten for this film! The Guest is excellent, perfectly balancing out characters and actions, deliberately building up a story and then exploding into an action/thriller type thing. The Guest is bold, wonderful to look at and boasts a mean score. There is so much to love here, especially Dan Stevens’s performance, and it definitely ticked all the necessary boxes for me!

1. Fury

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This might not surprise all of you (seeing as how I gushed about it), but Fury was incredible. It has stunning cinematography, a solid cast that delivered all the goods, some terrifying and realistic situations and effects, a score that just drives everything home and is an emotional roller-coaster. Fury just astounded me endlessly, and I would highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. It keeps you engrossed and at the edge of your seat, and is undoubtedly raw and gritty, one of the best war movies in a really long time.

Well, there you have it. The twenty films I enjoyed the most this year 🙂

Top Ten Reasons I Like Chris Pine: Life of this City Girl

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Well howdy do folks? Looks like I still have Top Ten lists making their way to me, albeit sporadically (cough cough – yes, my attempt at humour). At any rate, I think Natasha was having an absolute perve day when she decided to put together another list for me. This one is different than a lot of the others that I have done, seems that she wants to share her love here with us today! With little more, let me move this day over to Natasha!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

Chris Pine: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

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So I have made time in my enormously busy schedule to come and violate my best friend’s blog. Now, my Zermattenman (remember Mr. De Lange at school, friend?), usually runs a very serious minded establishment over here, full of the esteemed movies and books she usually watches and reads. A while back her blog became a safe haven for any individual that would like to express their interest in the characters that inhibit, and it became quite successful.

Now, why am I back? Haven’t I put enough men on here already? I did, I most likely did. Then I remembered that I had neglected my good friend Chris Pine, a man whose acting abilities know no bounds and whose fearlessness in the face of adversity is legendary.

Today I present to you the Top Ten Reasons I Like Chris Pine

1. He is a human, and I have never even heard a rumour otherwise.

You need all your actors and actresses to be human. I really have nothing against aliens, really, but the language and galaxial gap (I DID make that word up), would make co-production quite difficult. (That is why humans are often dressed up as aliens in movies. Speaking of aliens, my main man Chris Pine was in Star Trek). So, back to my point here – I haven’t actually heard that Chris Pine is a douche, anywhere. Rag Mags from Hollywood should never be trusted, but it usually becomes quickly known if a celebrity wants imported cow brains from Indonesia for their seventeen cats when they are on set. I have never heard anything about Pine that indicates that he is in-fact, a cow brain importer from Indonesia. I am not saying that Chris doesn’t occasionally swear at passive aggressive people, or at anyone who can’t use “their” and “there” correctly, but he does seem to be a normal guy without any dictator/serial killer tendencies. Normal people are desperately needed in this world, and I think no normal person, no matter their birth conditions or their job warrants unneeded hate.

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2. His eyes are as bluer than the waters that grace the shore of Bora Bora.

I mean, have you seen his sparkly lookers? They are intensely blue, incredibly beautiful and will pierce the most lost soul and fill it with the hope of tomorrow. You could swim everyday in the Sea of Pine and never feel homesick.

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3. His bearded face looks like baby sloths could sleep on it, cushioned with marshmallows.

4. His face is as beautiful with a beard as it is without a beard. Not many men can pull this look off. Man is either made as a cave-impersonating millennial or as the casual, clean shaved metro-sexual (this statement isn’t in the least a horrid generalization of an entire gender).

5. Have you noticed the tiny speckles of grey in his beard? HOT. And the man doesn’t dye his beard, and he gets serious points for not doing that.

6. Him with glasses is the answer to every nerd girl’s dreams.

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Some people really like other people who smoke a ciggy (hint hint), and some people really like other people who really look intelligent (I was speaking about me, if you couldn’t guess, and then I would certainly not be referring to you). The next question is rather predictable – does Pine have any intelligence whatsoever, or does he just wear glasses to impress me? I would say that yes, I do think that Pine is intelligent – he has a bachelor’s degree in English from the University of California. I think you need to have a bit of brains to get any type of degree, amirite?

7. He probably smells very nice because he is a spokesperson for Armani cologne. *sniff sniff*

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8. Speaking of Armani, have you seen this beautiful specimen in a suit?

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9. His smile promises that all the bad days are gone, that happiness is upon you, and that every care in the world has evaporated miraculously.

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10. Oh, he is relatively good actor too.

Look he is no Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Ralph Fiennes, Anthony Hopkins or Tom Hardy, but neither is he Jack Black, Adam Sandler or Taylor Lautner. He always does the best with the material he is given and produces relatively good movies. He hasn’t made made it in Hollywood yet, but I think the time is nigh and soon he will be everywhere.

Top Ten Most Realistic Movie Battle Scenes: Movie Rob

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I have great joy in hosting Rob of Movie Rob once again today! He has spent time drawing up another really awesome top ten list, and this one is a brilliant selection. Rob is currently hosting the latest Genre Grandeur, which features favourite comic book movies, and you have until the 25th to submit your favourite movie, should you wish to. Rob and I will also be hosting an Alfred Hitchcock Blogathon in August, so head on over and let us know if you would be interested in participating. If you do not follow Rob’s blog, I suggest you remedy that immediately!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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As a former Infantry soldier in the Israeli Army, I am always amazed at the way moviemakers have made modern combat battle scenes more and more realistic, making even those of us trained for certain situations to feel the impact of the adage “war is hell” over and over.

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Here is a list of what I think are the most realistically scary infantry battle scenes in the movies (including trailers and even a few clips).

10. Flags of Our Fathers (2006)

9. Glory (1989)

8. We Were Soldiers (1998)

7. Hamburger Hill (1987)

6. Letters From Iwo Jima (2006)

5. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

4. Platoon (1986)

3. Lone Survivor (2013)

2. Black Hawk Down (2001)

1. Saving Private Ryan (1998) – by far and wide the best (and scariest)

 


I have added the following two honorable mentions since they aren’t movies but rather amazing mini-series that depict very realistically the battles of WWII.

Honorable Mentions:

The Pacific (2009)

Band of Brothers (2001)

Here’s is a clip showing the realism shown in BoB.

Top Ten Steven Spielberg Films: Cinema Parrot Disco

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I am so happy to host Table 9 Mutant from Cinema Parrot Disco today. Though she proclaims to be a procrastinator of note, she sent through an epic top ten. Table 9 Mutant runs a really neat little blog that you really should check out if you have not done so already, featuring the occasional book review, plenty of movies and top ten lists and a general amount of good fun. She also recently finished a seriously intense John Hughes blogathon. Head on over there, but check out her top ten list first!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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10. Catch Me If You Can

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Fascinating story and excellent performances. I’d always known Leonardo DiCaprio was an underrated actor but, being the same age as him, it took until I saw this one for me to finally see him as a proper grown-up actor.

9. Close Encounters Of The Third Kind

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This one doesn’t seem to get the credit it deserves. The mashed potato mountain, the entire ending and, of course, those musical notes: Classic.

8. Always

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My controversial choice, maybe. I don’t care. I LOVED this movie when it came out and watched it over and over. So romantic and full of quirky, loveable characters – why don’t more people like this one?

7. Schindler’s List

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Truly a masterpiece but very hard to place in a list like this. It’s not, as I like to call it, a “multiple watcher” for me. Too tough to watch more than once, I can’t “love” it in the same way I do the rest on this list.

6. Jurassic Park

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This was mind-blowing when it came out. And it still looks a hell of a lot better than some of the CGI nightmares they’re giving us these days. This movie is pure fun.

5. Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Doom

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I love all the Indiana Jones movies and if this was my list with my usual rules (I like to cheat), I’d put the first three films together as one entry. But I better play fair on Zoë’s site! So here you have Temple Of Doom, that crazy and violent one with hearts being RIPPED out of chests and chilled monkey brains!

4. Jaws

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Starts out a little slow (trust me – re-watch it) but when the three of them get on that boat to go find the shark, this becomes a true classic. And, come on – that MUSIC! John Williams is a genius. Which is why Spielberg uses him all the time, including for all of the films in this top ten I believe. Spielberg is a genius too but those John Williams scores are just as much to thank for his films becoming the classics that they are (I won’t go into this too much  – we’d be here all day!).

3. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

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Fun fun fun! And I loved Harrison Ford & Sean Connery together in this. I’ve watched this film so many times!

2. Raiders Of The Lost Ark

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The film that introduced us to one of the all-time best movie characters – Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford was so awesome (and sexy) as Indiana and we’ve not had “adventure” films like these since. Why can’t they make movies like this anymore??

1. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

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Number one and two are so close and, to be honest, I changed them around a few times. I don’t know what to say about this one… Who hasn’t seen E.T.? Who doesn’t know the image of that flying bicycle with the moon behind it? Who doesn’t like this?!?! It’s the first film I ever saw in the theater more than once. (Oops – showing my age!) E.T., like Indiana Jones, is such a great character and just thinking about this movie never fails to make me smile. 🙂

Top Ten Boners of 2013: The IPC

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Well, Eric over at The IPC provided a list that only he could, and in a manner and style that only he could… it was like bringing a mini but personal Shitfest to the table, but oh so grand! If you want rib-crackingly hilarious posts to read every day, something to bring some light into your day in some dark way, then I would highly suggest you go on over and check out Eric’s site if you haven’t already!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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*Please note good readers, in America the word “Boner” was once used to describe a stupid  mistake – or an error – before it nestled into its current use. Here are the top ten movie boners that I saw in 2013 (please note that I didn’t see every new release that came out).

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10) ELYSIUM

How disappointing! Such a good premise, such a good director! Such good special effects! Such poor delivery and execution. BAH HUMBUG!!

9) OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

YAAAAWWWWNNNNN Franco really is a sucky actor. Come on, people.

8) THE INTERNSHIP

WTF?? These guys need to hang it up. This bit has gotten so old it’s balls are droopy and wilted. Go away.

7) RED 2

I LOVED RED!!! WTF is this shit??? This was so incredibly boring and just plain stupid. Talk about overstaying your welcome. BOOO. PISS!!!!!

6) THE HANGOVER PART 3

Totally pointless, stupid, ridiculous and unnecessary. Eat shit.

5) PAIN AND GAIN

This was so dumb I couldn’t even stand it. In fact, the wife hated it so much we didn’t even finish it. Thank God.

4) GI JOE RETALIATION

Another one that was so dumb we didn’t even finish. Thank the gods of the east it was free.

3) BEYOND THE HILLS

Excuse my language but WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??? An abomination.

2) ONLY GOD FORGIVES

If you have to ask, please see my thoughts here: http://isaacspictureconclusions.com/2013/09/12/shitfest-2013-fall-only-go-forgives/

1) THE LAST EXORCISM PART 2

One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. An hour and a half of people bending over backwards. FUCKING TERRIBLE.

Top Ten Television Crushes: The IPC

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Ha! So yesterday Melissa from Snap Crackle Watch! had me post her top ten movie crushes. Eric, on the other hand, has been threatening for a while to do one if he seen another one of these lists and lo and behold, he was finally pushed too far and a retaliation list popped back to me, but never with bad intentions. Table9Mutant, this is on you! My blog really has turned in to the place to publish these, but it all stemmed from you! Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you another top ten list here featuring some lovely ladies I am sure you can agree on!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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For the last month I’ve been forced to look at dozens and dozens of images of beefcake-y men in various forms of undress and after Melissa sent over hers I finally cracked. There’s only so much man-boobs a dude like me can take so, in the nature of combat and pride, here’s a list of my favorite and smuttiest babes from TV land!!

10. THE BIONIC WOMAN

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Every heterosexual boy growing up in the 70s in the country where I live got their first woodies to Lindsay Wagner running around in slow motion with her blond hair and gorgeous face. We all had posters of her on our walls and waited patiently for every Wednesday to come so we could catch her show. God bless you, Lindsay. SCHPROING!!!!!

9. TRIXIE FROM DEADWOOD

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How wonderful was the HBO show DEADWOOD?? Cocksuckers here and Cocksuckers there and Titlickers and a bunch of good, old fashioned ass kickin’! What’s not to love about Trixie, the good natured whore who’s not afraid to offer up “an open air blow job” in the middle of the street or to yank her undies off and her skirt up to get past security to shoot some Cocksucker? God love her.

8. THAT REDHEADED CHICK FROM TRUE BLOOD

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Screw whatever the hell her character’s name is because TRUE BLOOD sucks these days but ohhhhh myyyyy gaaawwwwdddd SMOOCH!!!! Sorry, I got distracted. That’s not my new desktop background is it?? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM.

7. CHRISSY FROM THREE’S COMPANY

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Every heterosexual boy growing up in the 70s in the country where I live got their second set of woodies to Suzanne Sommers slinking around that apartment with her blond hair and gorgeous face and sizeable – um – acting ability. We all had posters of her on our walls and waited patiently for every Thursday to come so we could catch her show. God bless you, Suzanne. SCHWIIIIIING!!!!!

6. WONDER WOMAN

Wonder Woman Complete Series DVD UK Box Set Lynda Carter (Pictures by dvdbash.wordpress.com)

Need I say anything here?? This post is getting me all worked up. Is it getting hot in here?? I better go turn on my fan.

5. THE “B” IN APARTMENT 23

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This show only lasted a couple of seasons but I thought it was pretty funny. Or did I just like watching Kristyn Ritter fill the screen with not much on and complain about having to do things like wear underwear and have sex all of the time. *mops forehead*

4. TEGAN JOVANKA (CLASSIC DOCTOR WHO)

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Growing up watching Doctor Who, I remember the classics from the 60s and 70s – the companions were all very chaste, pure and fully clothed. Tegan (Janet Fielding) came around and the producers decided to add some sex appeal and – well – some boobs. Tegan was loud and kind of obnoxious but I REALLY want(ed) to Make It with her. Is THAT my new desktop background???? *loosens collar*

3. PERI BROWN (CLASSIC DOCTOR WHO)

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After Tegan left the show, they brought in someone even sexier, Nicola Bryant as the “American” Peri Brown. Frequently in bikinis and tube tops, Peri was smokin’ hot and the cause of many restless nights. *squirms a little*

2. T’POL (STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE)

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UM…………………

1. MELISSA RAUCH AS BERNADETTE MARYANN ROSTENKOWSKI WOLOWITZ ON THE BIG BANG THEORY

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My current flame of the last couple of ye – I… uh

*passes out*

Top Ten Movie Crushes: Snap Crackle Watch!

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It seems Table 9 Mutant hit gold when she started this movie crush list craze, which have evolved and grown and simply run rampant across the internet! Melissa over at Snap Crackle Watch! submitted her top ten movie crushes to me to publish under my top ten posts banner, which seems to have taken on a life of it’s own (as well as become a crush site safe haven) and I love it! At any rate, Melissa runs a cool little blog that features series recaps and movie reviews, you should definitely drop by there sometime soon!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting 

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I have had a crush on Matt Damon since I was a teenager; I used to have pictures of him on my wall. LOL. This movie inspired my crush, not only is he so cute, I love the way he doesn’t take his intelligence seriously and his little attitude and chip on his shoulder is what makes him so hot in this flick. How do you like them apples?

Jake Gyllenhal in Brokeback Mountain 

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In this film he plays Jack Twist, the sheep herder, bronco rider, who falls in love with Ennis Del Mar played by Heath Ledger. He plays a vulnerable and sweet gay man in love with another super hot guy. Their relationship is tender and soulful and I just fell in love with the way he looked at Ledger with his big, brown puppy dog eyes.

Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic

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Ok what teenage girl did not love Leo in this movie? He plays Jack Dawson who falls in love with the rich and privileged Rose DeWitt Bukater. Sigh, the way that these two star crossed lovers fall for each other is so sweet and cute. I really wanted him to take me to the top of the ship and scream, “I am the king of the world” with him.

John Travolta in Urban Cowboy

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The way that his character of Bud falls for and protects Sissy is so heartfelt. The love they have for one another is electric and the way he will do anything for her made me fall in love with him. Plus it makes every girl think if she can just do a two-step, she can meet a really hot cowboy. Not to mention, the 1970’s Travolta is so hot.

Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire

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Ok, anything and everything that Brad Pitt has been in is noteworthy. He always looks flawless, that is just a given, an unnatural fact of life. In this flick he plays the sexy, immortal vampire Louis. Although he is a vampire he has a heart of gold and doesn’t really want to kill innocent people. Close second is Pitt in Legends of the Fall. I mean look at his hair, it’s gorgeous, and I just want to brush his luscious locks. I would definitely become a fang banger for him!

Ryan Gosling in The Notebook

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If you are a female or gay male and reading this and disagree with me, then you just are not right in the head. One of the greatest love stories in any movie, he plays Noah, the poor guy who falls for the rich girl in town, Allie. He would do anything and did everything for her. A guy who will build me a house and wait for me, okay, that’s it, the clothes are coming off.

Bradley Cooper in The Hangover

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He doesn’t play a traditional romantic character at all in this movie, but what I love about him is his cocky attitude. He plays Phil, one of the Hangover boys who got super drunk and lost his friend. He acts like a jerk and is all about going out and having a good time. Not only is his hair so hot in this movie, his attitude is what makes him crush-worthy here.

Channing Tatum in Magic Mike

Ok, I don’t care that this is the cheesiest of ones to put in here, but how could I have a list and not mention him? Although, he plays the incomparable male stripper Mike, he is sweet and nice. Throughout the movie he realizes he is over booty calls and one night hookups and he wants to fall in love. Plus there is the scene where he dances to Genuwine’s “Ride it my Pony” song, if that doesn’t convince you I don’t know what will.

Jared Leto in My So Called Life

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I am cheating with this one and using a television character, but the guy he plays is such the epitome of every girl’s crush that I had to include it. He plays Jordan Catalano, Angela Chase’s love interest in high school. I think every single girl out there has had a crush on a Jordan at some point in their life. The guy who barely acknowledges you in public, won’t hold your hand, or tell his friends about you, but behind closed doors is so sweet. One minute he makes you believe you are the one for him and another completely ignores you. Despite all his wrong doings and misgivings, you can’t help but like him because he is the guy that gives you butterflies in your stomach. To this day when I see Jared Leto on the screen, I think sigh, Jordan Catalano, the love of my life, the one who got away.

Colin Firth in Bridget Jones’s Diary

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I absolutely love this movie; it reminds me of my single days, when I had the perpetual ability to always pick the wrong man. In it he plays Mark Darcy, the guy us women usually don’t fall for, he’s nice, dresses like a nerd and lives a pretty normal life. He’s not edgy, cocky or the life of the party, but he is the guy that we secretly want to love. As he tells Bridget, “I like you very much. Just as you are.”

Top Ten Action Films Seen In The Last Year: Digital Shortbread

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Tom from Digital Shortbread rose gloriously to the occasion of submitting a Top Ten list to my site, and he brought an interesting theme to the table: Top Ten Actions Films Seen In The Last Year. Well, this list was tons of fun. If you have not checked out Tom’s site, I would highly recommend that you stop by and have a look see what is going on, and how much pie he awards any and all things that he comes across. Well-written and presented reviews and plenty of cool features, Digital Shortbread is the place to be!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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In the past year, I have actually seen more movies in one calendar than I had across the previous three. Yet, I still didn’t get to all the movies I wanted to. However, I did get to add to my list of films a pretty good number of strong action/thriller films in 2013 that have each made strong arguments for being on my favorite lists of all time.

Although all new entries have a tendency to lose that new car smell, with the way modern pictures are shot — especially some of the bigger blockbuster franchise actioners — there’s a diminishing staying power to a lot of these stories being filmed nowadays. Yet for some reason I don’t see the following films to fall victim to that. . . . well, okay, with the exception of maybe one or two here.

I won’t call this list an “instant classics” list, but these are what I considered to be the most memorable action flicks of the last year. Hope you enjoy:

1. Man of Steel

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While it’s not vintage Christopher Reeve, this is a film that holds nothing back with energy and visual splendor. The best way to enjoy this film — and although it’s probably impossible to avoid seeing extra spoilers or reveals by now — is to go in with an open mind. Make your own opinion on this new take on Superman. Highbrows and perfectionists, yes, are going to be in varying degrees let down. The casual moviegoer is going to be blown away. The ratio of the latter to the former is something like 10:1, so it’s important to keep that in mind as you watch this behemoth unfold.

2) Django Unchained

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For historical purposes, for romantic reasons, for pure popcorn entertainment, Django Unchained appeals to many palates. Its romanticism is surely the winning item here, but also getting to see Django unleash his fury was about as satisfying as I was hoping for it to be. On some levels it rose above those expectations. This was my favorite Quentin Tarantino picture, far and away.

3) The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

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Francis Lawrence bats it out of the park in terms of appealing to genre devotees and general audiences alike. I believe at least three screenings tonight sold out at at least one theater in my area. The movie is set to produce near-record numbers after a weekend and expanded international release. Catching Fire is a movie you won’t be able to avoid, but don’t think of that as the groan-inducing kind of side-effect associated with something gone mad-popular, but more as a sign of appreciation for a film that got things right.

4) Iron Man 3

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As a whole, the new Iron Man films have been very well received the world over. This third edition is as reliable as any of them for the thrills, laughs and commanding screen presence from Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man 3 also marks the reuniting of actor and director from the tongue-in-cheek 2005 murder-mystery Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. If that is any kind of marker, it is a decent predictor of the comedic rapport we’re going to experience between Shane Black and the Iron Man. Those who loved the first two are likely to not change their mind with this. And, of course, the story’s ultimate armor  is that even non-fans of the comic are apt to take warmly to this farewell.

5) Captain Phillips

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I can’t believe I am doing this yet again, but Captain Phillips makes a strong bid for one of my favorite movies of this year. (October and the tail-end of September seems to have been a sweet spot this year.) I HIGHLY suggest as many people as possible get to the theater to experience the latest Tom Hanks masterpiece. The setting isn’t quite as novel as Gravity‘s, but its just as intense, if not more so. I could not get enough of the adrenaline rush this film provides.

6) Rush

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Race fans and Ron Howard devotees unite! Rush delivers upon almost everything promised by its enticing trailers, though it lacks a bit in some areas regarding the women who were behind the great drivers. Neither Wilde nor Alexandra Maria Lara (who plays Lauda’s wife, Marlene) are given much time to develop as characters at all. All the same, this is a wholly engaging experience that will have you whiteknuckled for most of its duration, and if you enjoy learning about the subject matter as much as you do witnessing it, this might just be the perfect movie for you. On that note, I fully expect this film to do far better in Europe than in America since the market for Formula 1 is nowhere near as demanding in the States unfortunately.

7) Elysium

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In the words of Team America: World Police, “Matt Daaaayymmaaan…!” But really, he is very good in his role, if not enhanced by his circumstances. Any fan of Damon’s is likely to be bowled over completely, and his supporting cast (minus the decidedly villainous higher-ups) are all solid as well, so if you’re seeking out a blockbuster film with good acting, then go see Oblivi….er, Elysium. It’s about as entertaining as the big budget bad-boys are going to be this summer, rest assured.

8) Pacific Rim

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Pacific Rim is most everything you’d want in a CGI spectacular: exciting action, arresting visuals, big. . . things. (I still can’t get over how much these Jaegers resemble the more simplistic design of the animated The Iron Giant.) If you’re coming for the easy ride where the only challenge is sitting through a series of long action sequences, this is your flick.

9) Fast & Furious 6

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For fans especially, 6 fires on most, if not all cylinders. It is alternately an adrenaline rush and a sentimental story that does a nice job summarizing the places we’ve been thus far. But it is safe to say we are far from the finish line with it all. Go see it on the big screen; your T.V.’s stereo system won’t really do this thing justice.

10) 2 Guns

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Come in with low expectations and you’re sure to have a good time. It’s capably acted, decently paced although it plods around a bit in the middle, and the conclusion can be seen coming a mile away, but if all you’re looking for in a movie is a great escape from your real-life drama, be sure to check in on these guys’ movie life drama. I’m sure it’ll be worth it in the end. And honestly, who DOESN’T like Mark Wahlberg…?

Top Ten Movies Where Tom Hanks Urinates to Move the Plot Along: The Oracle of Film

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So the Top Ten lists have been in full swing, and there have been solid lists that I have been receiving. However, the most bizarre request that I received was from Luke over at Oracle of Film, seeking permission to do something a little different. I was all for the creative juices, though when he told me what his premise and idea was, I was like there is no ways you are going to cough up ten films where Tom Hanks takes a leak as a part of the plot! Well, trust me, I was proven wrong in the most hilarious fashion possible. Luke, I take my hat off to you for your dedication! If you haven’t stopped by to see what Luke has to say about all sorts of things film related, games related, music related and what not, I would say that should be your next interwebs stop!

Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at sporadiczoe@hotmail.com. Hope to see a few more lists!

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When Zoë asked me to write up a Top Ten list for her blog, I was stuck choosing a particular theme to go for. For one, I hate trying to narrow my favourite movies of a genre into a top ten, because I always panic and forget the most important one. Also, I really wanted to do something outside the box and memorable. Then suddenly, it hit me. The answer was in front of me the whole time. Tom Hanks’ penis.

You see, people, Tom Hanks penis comes up a lot in cinema. If you look through Tom Hanks’s entire filmography, you will notice that having a slash is actually a long-running theme in several of his movies. I noticed a couple and laughed it off as a wacky coincidence. However, to research this list, I realised that this was more of a coincidence. Tom Hanks is obsessed with urinating in front of packed cinemas. Please join me, readers, as we descend into the murky depths of Tom Hanks and his love for bodily fluids.

10 – A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN

This is the movie that started off this random, wacky trend. In perhaps the best scene in the entire movie, Tom Hanks bursts into the girls’ changing rooms and has the manliest pee in cinematic history. He just leans back and lets it flow, throwing in what can only be described as a noise, scarily similar to an orgasm.

9 – THE TERMINAL

Another great comedy scene in a Tom Hanks movie is the Terminal. Tom Hanks is waiting for a really important phone call and he cannot afford to be away from the payphone for a second. Of course, in a move that almost everyone ever can relate to, he suddenly needs to pee. The next scene consists of his own bladder becoming his nemesis, when all he wants to do is get back home to his country.

8 – THE BURBS/ ROAD TO PERDITION

In fairness, Tom Hanks doesn’t urinate in every movie he stars in. Sometimes, he just pretends to, in order to get out of trouble. In the Burbs, when Tom Hanks suspects his neighbours of being up to something, he claims he needs to use their bathroom, in order to get some time to snoop around their house. This idea of urinating once again forwards the plot. And in ‘The Road to Perdition’, Tom Hanks realises he is about to be assassinated by a hitman, so he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. This saves his life, giving him time to escape. Urinating once again saves the day.

7 – THE MONEY PIT

This is an early film of Tom Hanks that you might not know. Here, peeing is actually Tom Hanks’ character arc. He starts the movie moving into this new house with his wife and the plumbing does not work. He goes out into the garden and pees. Next to him, the water fountain (a child peeing, because art is for paedophiles), is struggling to keep up a constant stream. Tom Hanks mocks this statue, proudly displaying his manly ability to pee. This scene symbolises Tom Hanks at the height of his power in the movie. However, slowly the house disrupts is marriage and life, until it basically defeats him. His pride at peeing became the enemy and punished him.

6 – FORREST GUMP

This pee joke doesn’t mean anything, but it is another example that Tom Hanks refuses to be in a movie that doesn’t involve peeing in some way. The scene in question sees Forrest Gump meeting JFK. JFK shakes his hand and Forrest bluntly announces he needs to pee. JFK laughs and repeats the line. The reason I have included this in the list is because I find it endlessly funny that cinema finally got the technology to make a dead person say something original and they used it on the line: “He needs to pee.” That is so… Forrest Gump.

5 – CASTAWAY

Tom Hanks is the only person in the world, he would take a script about a man trapped on a desert island, kept away from any form of society or civilisation, appreciate the powerhouse script and the potential OSCAR nominations contained within, but then give it back, asking “Where does he pee?” Yes, Tom Hanks actually tried to work in urinating, so he could get an excuse to pee on film once more. Cue shot of him running frantically to the edge of a beach and then once again, letting it rip. I wouldn’t be surprised if that orgasm crept up once more. There is no stopping the bloke.

4 – APOLLO 13

Again, Tom Hanks takes a great story and finds himself unable to not think about peeing. Therefore, we get a long scene of exposition, telling the audience exactly how someone pees in space. Admittedly, this time it is quite interesting and I am sure several astronauts will appreciate what is surely an inside joke being shared with everyone else. Finally, their penis struggles are captured on film.

3 – SAVING PRIVATE RYAN

Every war movie as the bitter monologue of the shell-shocked soldiers. Every war hero needs his origin story, for example. Spielberg had to include a scene where the soldiers gather around and share their stories. Everyone talks about how much they miss home and then Tom Hanks dreamily reminiscences about a bully at school who pissed the letter V (let’s assume he is talking about Verbal Spew), into everyone’s jacket. Seriously?! Your war story involves urinating again. This is one of the clearest moments that Tom Hanks is obsessed.

2 – THE GREEN MILE

Yes, of course, this was going to make the top end of the list. The entire movie is about pissing, at least symbolically. Tom Hanks’ character cannot urinate without causing himself pain. Then a dangerous, yet gentle criminal is admitted in death row. He heals Tom Hanks, allowing him to pee freely (by this point, in the article, we understand that Tom Hanks sees this gift in the same light we see a lottery win). Tom Hanks is torn for the rest of the movie. And thus the movie will always be remembered as the film where Michael Clarke Duncan saved Tom Hanks’s penis.

1 – CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

But the winner as to be Captain Phillips. Why? Well, mainly, because when I heard about this Tom Hanks’ obsession with pee, I laughed it off. I remembered Green Mile and Castaway, plus a few throwaway jokes in Forrest Gump, but I assume it was just a weird coincidence. Then I saw Captain Phillips in 2013 and saw him try to escape his terrorist captors by faking the need to urinate. I am not sure of the symbolism here yet. Maybe at this point in his career, Tom Hanks has realised his dream ambition of making urination a public topic is hopeless. Just like trying to escape his captors in the movie. Urination symbolises many things in Tom Hanks’s life, depending on where he is in his life. Tom Hanks’ movies and pee scenes have turned into a portfolio of his life, proving that urine can be art. And on that point, I think it is best to leave this list there.