Rapid Review: Fanboys (2009)

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“Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I’m concerned, that’s what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.”
– Hutch

SYNOPSIS: Star Wars fanatics take a cross-country trip to George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch so their dying friend can see a screening of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) before its release. – via IMDB

fanboys it was a romance in a sci fi opera

GRADE 7So on a movie watching day recently, a good friend of mine brought Fanboys with when she heard I had never seen it. Especially knowing how much I love Star Wars. Let me tell you, I had an absolute blast with this. I don’t care what the scores online say, this was hilarious and silly and entertaining and endearing… I had so much fun! The references sprinkled throughout this is absolutely fantastic, and the Star Wars vs Star Trek war that went down in this, again, exaggerated but a lot of fun. I liked this because it is not something I took seriously, which I think would be a surefire way to kill this, and I think you have to be a Star Wars fan to enjoy this one as much as the creators were hoping. It is cheesy, it is silly, it is what it is and it embraces that wholeheartedly, which works, in my opinion, so even with all the flaws, one can have fun with it, and I sure as hell did. I thought that it was great to see Chris Marquette in something again (although I am late to the party with this – I used to watch so much Joan of Arcadia growing up), and Sam Huntington was entertaining, too. Jay Baruchel has such a nasally annoying voice, but it suited his character down to a tee here. Dan Fogler was probably my favourite of the lot, even though he was super nasty at the best of times. I also liked the cameos we had of both Star Wars and Star Trek actors in this, it just made it so much more awesome. The whole journey to steal The Phantom Menace for a dying friend was great, I just feel so sorry for the guy knowing that was the only movie of the prequels he got to watch – what a disappointment :/ This movie definitely won’t be for everyone, there is no doubt in my mind of that, but I had fun, and it was great to watch this with my friend, who loves this, and Star Wars, it just elevated the whole thing in my mind.

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

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And it’s over! Can you believe it? I sure can’t! I had an absolute blast with this, thanks to everyone who stuck with us and read all we had to say about these movies and shared their two cents, you guys rock. However, biggest thank you to Eric for watching these with me and approaching this project with such gusto and fervour, it was awesome! But I gotta admit I’m real sad this is over ESC 😦

CRY CRY CRY!!

Anyhow, enough with the pleasantries, let’s move on to Into Darkness, which is my favourite of the whole lot. This movie was just awesome, and I have much love for Mr Cumberbatch (of course), and I think JJ Abrams was the perfect choice to handle the Star Trek reboot. So cool!

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SYNOPSIS: When the crew of the Enterprise is called back home, they find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization has detonated the fleet and everything it stands for, leaving our world in a state of crisis. With a personal score to settle, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one-man weapon of mass destruction. As our heroes are propelled into an epic chess game of life and death, love will be challenged, friendships will be torn apart, and sacrifices must be made for the only family Kirk has left: his crew. – via IMDB

For one, I know that Khan was always like the Big Bad and all that with the original crew and all, I just felt that the 1982 film missed it a little. All the potential for how hardcore Khan was supposed to be seemed a little… lost and underplayed. But never mind that. Benedict Cumberbatch. That is all I have to say. I mean can you even compare these two?!

khan vs khan

Alright then, moving on…

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into darkness 12

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into darkness 15

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into darkness 16

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Thanks to everyone who read our reviews, stuck with us and had a good time, read and commented, this was a fantastic project to undertake 🙂 Until next time then!

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And just because he is ridiculously epic (and yummy, even though you think he looks like an alien, PSC) – aaaaaaaaaaand I just realised that I spend too much time at The IPC

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AE2

benedict cumberbatch yummy

?????????????????

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JB,

I just want to say that today’s post is bittersweet. I think we’ve accomplished something great here and this has been a LOT of fun – so much fun that I am sad that it’s over. But I know we can move on to other things and still work together  but I just wanted to let you know how much fun I had watching these and talking to you about them all summer. It was GREAT!!! I put this little rendering together for you that if you ever wanted to think about us actually working together – in person – this is probably what it would look like. THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!

Love,

The Chop

JB&TC2

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek (2009)

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Well shit… today is bittersweet as it’s my last day of hosting during the Star Trek Project…. 😦 We still have another week to go but… I sure have loved doing this!! Thank YOU so much, dearest JB!!! This has been GREAT!!! I mean that!!! Obviously today we focus on the reboot of the franchise that had fallen pretty far over the last few movies and we got what we desperately wanted – ACTION!! HUMOR!! EXCITEMENT!! This was totally fucking awesome and the best thing that could have possibly happened to this franchise, at least according to me. I thought the cast were all fantastic and there were even little throwbacks to the original series. ONE thing did kind of bother me a little though, and I’ll address it later but – this was all kinds of awesome! Let’s see what The JB has to say about it –

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SYNOPSIS: On the day of James Kirk’s birth, his father dies on his ship in a last stand against a mysterious alien time-traveling vessel looking for Ambassador Spock, who, in this time, is also a child on Vulcan disdained by his neighbors for his half-human heritage. Twenty-five years later, Kirk has grown into a young troublemaker. Challenged by Captain Christopher Pike to realize his potential in Starfleet, he comes to annoy instructors like young Commander Spock. Suddenly, there is an emergency at Vulcan and the newly commissioned USS Enterprise is crewed with promising cadets like Nyota Uhura, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov and even Kirk himself, thanks to Leonard McCoy’s medical trickery. Together, this crew will have an adventure in the final frontier where the old legend is altered forever as a new version of it begins. – via IMDB

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Dammit, WordPress changing shit all over the show again, now I need to write this and deal with everything looking all weird again and such… meh. :/

I am totally with the Chop on this on: this is one of those rare occasions that the reboot is just fantastic on so many levels, a breath of fresh air, and came together incredibly well. I freaking love these movies, for so many reasons.

I thought the way the movie started was great – fantastic effects, a solid scene introducing us to Kirk’s past, and an amazing Romulan space ship coming out of a black hole, blowing up the Kelvin. Very cool. I also like how Chris Hemsworth played papa Kirk. It was quite a sad and brave thing he did to save the crew, his wife, and his child.

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Chris Pine really nailed the absolute cockiness of Jim Kirk, which was awesome. He was equal parts douche and honourable (in a strange, his morals kind of way). Well done on that front. I really liked that he didn’t necessarily recreate William Shatner, but that he did his own thing. I thoroughly enjoyed him.

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I was not always a fan of Anton Yelchin playing Chekov, though I do enjoy his work. Well, the more I watch it, the more he grows on me. I thought the casting overall was just spot on for these new movies. There is absolutely no way I was going to dispute Quinto as Spock – I love Spock, and I am a massive fan of Quinto. There was no ways that that was going to bomb. I honestly wish that he was in more stuff. He always impresses me, and I can listen to him talk for hours. That voice!

star trek 2009 chekov

There were so many funny scenes, too. The humour was absolutely awesome in this, and it is a blast of a  movie! I had plenty laugh out loud moments and giggling galore, which is awesome. This is not necessarily a comedy at all, but they managed to incorporate the elements into it super successfully. Like Karl Urban, being all McCoy and the initial shift from liking Spock to his eternal irritation with him. Simon Pegg is a pretty darn cool Scotty, and I was a fan of the friendship between him and Keenser. Very cool.

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Star Trek takes you through this epic journey of how the crew of the Enterprise come together under Kirk, and it’s worth it. Funny lines, great introductions for all the characters, ultimately it all comes together in the end, and it’s awesome. JJ Abrams just gets the sci-fi thing, and he did an outstanding job rebooting a franchise that was (yep) getting really tired. I am so sad that he won’t be doing the third one 😦 Well, I am terrified of more Star Wars, but let’s hope he can do that as successfully as he did this.

star trek spock and kirk

Anyway, there is so much that I can say about this movie. The most important? That I loved it. The effects astound me every time, the humour, the cast, the performances, the shenanigans they get up to, all of it. Sadly, the journey is damn near over, and I have been having immense amounts of fun with it. Thanks PSC! Last but not least, bestie, this is specially for you!

chris pine

the chop

Who hasn’t seen this?? We know about the rebootyness of it and the time travel and Chris Pine and Quinto and Pegg and Urban and this and that and this and that and Hemsworth and Tyler of all fucking people Perry and Saldana and Yeltin and Bana and face tattoos and the Beastie Boys and fuck all and I loved it. But I think the main thing to concentrate on here is the reboot of The Green Lady. I’m sure Brian and Luke used to get their BeatIt on back in the day or yesterday when the rerun played during lunch hour in the break room at work, but I was never a huge, horny fan. She never got me “astir in the hot box” so to speak. I was more into the ladies you can find HERE. I mean:

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Even though she only has a small bit part, I think the modern version is an apt improvement (even though this isn’t the most flattering still):

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I mean:

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Or:

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MMPH:

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Or MMPH!!:

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And:

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OOPS!! How did THAT get in there??? But, I really did like this movie and, being a lifelong Spock guy, I have to be honest and say that the only thing that bothered me with this is how Old Spock is in it. I mean, so Romulus is about to explode and, despite having legions of cadets and veterans in the UFP, they send 150 year old Spock to try and save the planet? That sounds like a dodgy call to me. But hey, this is Science Fiction, I reckon. Oh well – good stuff!

KA1

OOOPS!!!

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Nemesis (2002)

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Well, here we are with the last of the Next Gen movies. There have been some decent entries, and some really meh ones, but aside from that, the whole project has been enjoyable, making even the bland ones tolerable. So… we all know that the Chop is not a Data fan (neither am I) or a supporter of Riker (though that I don’t really get), so how did he feel about this flick that featured a lot of both? Read on to find out what the Chop and I thought about this one!

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SYNOPSIS: Captain Jean-Luc Picard and his crew return to battle a chilling new adversary… that just happens to hold a shocking link to Picard! In the wake of a joyful wedding between William Riker and Deanna Troi, Picard receives another reason to celebrate: the Romulans want peace and the captain will be the Federation’s emissary. But as the Enterprise heads towards Romulus, a brilliant villain awaits–harboring a diabolical plan of destruction and an unimaginable secret that will give Picard his most fearsome challenge. Shinzon, a Romulan-made clone of Picard, wants nothing less than the conquest of the Romulan Empire, the complete destruction of Earth and the death of Captain Picard himself. – via IMDB

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Alrighty people. First, before I get into this, I just want to lament this for the other ladies. Now, understand, I am one that prefers a more slight guy, I am not into that whole Thor look and all, BUT Tom Hardy just looked ridiculous. I am so glad that he went from this:

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to this:

tom hardy tie

Nevertheless, Hardy’s strange appearance did not detract from the fact that he delivered his character just fine, it’s just that the script could have been so much tighter and entertaining. Nemesis had such an entertaining concept that was (again) squandered.

Anyway, I actually don’t have much to say about this one. It wasn’t great, I wasn’t a fan, it was pretty long, but it did look fantastic, so there is that at the very least. It was predictable and brought nothing new to the table, though it had the potential to do so – why these films decided not to go the successful route with some of their plots is beyond me. I really liked the way this scene came together, and it was another destructive bit for the Enterprise that looked really good.

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There was also the whole Data thing, which I thought was far too convenient. Meh,  not a fan of that. I was happy for Deanna and Riker, but really? The whole way to continue this movie with the honeymoon being lost laced through it?

I did have myself a little giggle though seeing Patrick Stewart having himself a blast in his little toy though.

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Anyway, I’m finished now. There really is nothing to say about this at all, so I am going to stop trying to fish things out to say.

BUT I can put some more Hardy in for the ladies…

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the chop

First off, I want to say this: Tom Hardy was weird looking when he was young and thin. I remember when I was watching LAYER CAKE (click that if you like) I tweeted those words and some chicks were like “BOOOOOO Isaacs, BOOOOOOO!” and “Go screw yourself, man!!!” and “YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!” but I stand by this. You can even see a few hate filled comments directed at me in the comments section of that post (not really, but still, love you Kidney!) But here we are again and, as much as I like genuinely like the guy, I present:

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That’s right. That’s a still from Star Trek: Nemesis. He plays the bad guy in this one. He’s also a clone of Jean Luc. I don’t really remember why he’s a clone of Jean Luc but he is and he wants to destroy the Earth. Oh wait, now I remember, the Remans (Not Romulans) cloned Jean Luc to put him into Star Fleet and infiltrate from within.

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Yep.

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MMMM HMMM.

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Word.

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SEMPER FI!! DO OR DIE!!!!

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Here’s mud in your eye!!

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MY EYE!! MY FUCKING EYE!!!

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But seriously, I wasn’t too taken with this one either. I will give it credit for having some EXCELLENT special effects and the scene where the Enterprise rams that Romulan ship was pretty fucking EPIC but I think this franchise was running out of steam by the time this came out and, despite how epic that scene was, it was rather gimmicky. I mean, at one point Picard, Data and Whorf are tooling around a desert in a fucking dune buggy like they’re all pro dirt racers and – conveniently, they happen to find Data’s twin brother who is REALLY named B-4. MMM HMMM.  I wonder if they’ll pull out their trump card and kill Data at the end of this and conveniently have a replacement handy?? Yawn. There’s also more singing in this one. What is it with song and dance numbers with The Next Generation???? Oh well, peace out, TNG.

We’ll say goodbye now and give you a really, really tight, elongated hug:

MSxx

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Insurrection (1998)

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Well, hell. JB and I had a very dramatic, over long and weepy scheduling problem with this post,  so we’re having to post this on an irregular day and both of our OCDs are really acting up. I hope we can make it through this….. ARGH… Anyway – this is the Star Trek with F Murray Abraham and his plastic skin. It’s time for us to present the first ever Zuts True Story Factoid™®!!!

*The skin stretching presented in this movie was, in fact, Abraham’s real skin. At 146 years of age, he was the oldest man to ever star in a Science Fiction Movie, much to the delight of the Prop Department.*

And there you have The Truth!!! Let’s see what JB thought about this thing….

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SYNOPSIS: When the crew of the Enterprise learn of a Federation conspiracy against the inhabitants of a unique planet, Captain Picard begins an open rebellion. – via IMDB

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Well… it’s Wednesday, and here’s our latest entry .

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Scheduling conflicts are a bitch. I think the Chop and I are going to need some counselling after this just to get back to a happy place, but anyways. We are not here to talk about our issues. We are here to talk about what we thought of Insurrection.

Well, Insurrection was disappointing overall. There were very few things that I liked about it, more that I just found boring, but hey! I got to get my Halloween nails ready during this! That makes me happy. 😀

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To be very honest, this plot is so ludicrous is makes The Voyage Home whale plot look like some seriously in depth stuff. Basically, desperate to stop the skin stretching and plastic surgery, the Son’a decide to go to war to take over an amazing planet that will maintain their youth. No more stretchy sessions!

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Anyway. obviously things would not go their way, and this result in Picard and his people staging a rebellion against the Son’a and the Federation that is backing them. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever…

Then Riker and Deanna were getting all cushy, out of nowhere (I suppose this is another relationship that needed to be seen from the show first), Data wanted to be a kid (always wanting to be something he isn’t), Worf had a seriously bad time with going back to hit puberty, Geordi got his eyes back (his reaction to his first sunrise was beautiful though) and Picard got in touch with his lustier and younger side again. Not only was he dancing, which made me laugh, I then found this gif. Perfection.

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The movie improved more toward the end of it, got a little more, erm… exciting, I guess? The pacing was crappy, the humour wasn’t grand, the plot was flimsy at best and I was not overjoyed with this one. I am actually going to strop trying to say something about this weak entry to the Star Trek franchise…

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This movie is so fucking boring,… I’m going to try something new here….

STI1 STI2 STI3 STI4 STI5 STI6 STI7 STI8 STI9 STI10

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – First Contact (1996)

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Alrighty then folks, another Friday, another review, we are moving along with these things! Let me just say that this has been an absolute blast, and you must all keep your eyes peeled for upcoming collaborations 😉 Anyway, we have moved on to our second Star Trek film for the Next Gen lot. So… did we share a collective conscious on this one?

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SYNOPSIS: They call themselves the Borg – a half-organic, half-machine collective, with a sole purpose: to assimilate and conquer all races. Led by their seductive and sadistic queen, the Borg are headed to Earth with a devious plan to alter history. After an epic battle against the Borg, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise follow the Borg Sphere back into the 21st century, and must battle the Borg Queen before she assimilates mankind. Meanwhile, Picard and his crew must make sure that Zefram Cochrane makes his historic maiden flight at warp speed, and makes Earth’s first contact. – via IMDBjb star trek

 

So First Contact is (again) not my favourite in the Next Gen repertoire, but there were some cool things that could have been front and centre but then things just went all over the show and the point was lost. It all starts with this pretty cool sequence of Jean Luc Picard looking all scary and stuff as a Borg. Like super cool. Hopping back into the past, I  must say that the new crew did not succeed in doing so as much as the original crew did in The Voyage Home in terms of laughter and entertainment. However, First Contact did boast the stronger story, that cannot be denied.

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There were some cool effects, and I was really wishing that I had seen more of the series for the Borg section to resonate with me more, though I didn’t actually have trouble following it. As you can tell from the gifs that I have used and the ones you will see, I was more taken with the Borg aspect of this than whatever the hell was going on down on Earth. I thought that was a bland storyline, and as much as I enjoy James Cromwell, I thought this role was cringeworthy for him.

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Data did not work on my absolute last nerve in this one, so yay on that front (sorry Data fans – it has been established that he’s like a knock off Spock – in the movies, at any rate). He was actually quite cool for this story, and fit right in there. However, there was one pretty sketchy scene – I did not want to know that Data had the relevant working sexual component and that he had used it in the past. Dammit. I could have done without that nasty knowledge.

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Those Borg were creepy at the best of times, I thought they looked awesome. They were like crazy weird space zombies *shiver*. I mean just imagine that. Yes, yes I am fascinated with this concept, no two ways about it!

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There were some really cool scenes in here, and I was a fan of them walking all over the Enterprise to mess with the Borg plan and all that, I had fun there. I must say, there were plenty little things that made First Contact way more enjoyable and fun, I just really feel that the Earth aspect was pointless, and the movie would not have suffered for it not being there. Actually, in my opinion, they could almost have written a tighter story for the Borg plan as well as the Enterprise crew’s resistance. But no. Let’s have some dancing alcoholic be the sub plot. Thanks. So much potential.

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Then let’s not forget my absolute favourite bit of the movie: Picard being all super badass as a thirties-style mobster. I loved the concept, the costumes, and the way the whole scene came together. Hell yeah, it was pretty epic!

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Anyway, the story was very good (granted that the whole Earth thing was pretty boring for me), and the acting wasn’t too bad. I thoroughly enjoyed the Borg aspect to this (though I am sure that you all noted that throughout my little write up here), and the movie touted some pretty decent effects. I thought the war up on the Enterprise was great, and seeing Picard get all pissy was great, the fights and the lessons he learned. I was so on board with that. Until it went back to Cromwell, who sadly just let me down. Nope, not happy with that bit. Overall, I thought this one came together quite well and I think it’s totally worth watching.

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When I first went and saw this in the theater – I remember coming out of there thinking “GOD DAMN!!! That was a good movie!!” And then I never watched it again. Maybe a little bit here and there but, I just never returned to it. Probably because TNG isn’t my favorite crew. Although I really do like Captain Picard! Frakes and Spiner just grate my last fucking nerve. And this had a lot of Frakes in it. Oh – and Data having sex. Well – not on screen. There’s no machine on machine humping but it’s implied that he gets it on with the Borg Queen. Go, Robot Weenie, GO!!!!

Anyways, I watched this again yesterday and I have to say – well – let’s do this – for ALL of the shit that happens up in space, I give this Five Happy Picards (out of five):

HAPPYJLP

 

He’s fucking awesome up there! Yelling and shouting and telling Whorf to “GET OFF MY BRIDGE!” and I loved it that he took it on himself to go find a way to remodulate the weapons and “HAND TO HAND COMBAT IF THEY MUST!!!!” and “THE LINE HAS TO BE DRAWN HERE!!!” He was a total badass!

But then, I have to address everything that happens down on Earth. I found all of that shit VERY lame and I give it Two Unamused Picards (out of Five):

UNHAPPYJLP

 

I mean, shit! James Cromwell irritated the fuck out of me and  the dancing and will Frakes EVER shut the fuck up and what’s with that stupid hat on Cronwell’s head didn’t The Borg send some Borgs down to the planet where are they and did that Vulcan really drink his rot gut tequila and ugh. Overall – I did enjoy myself but it’s not as good as I remember.

And – because I can:

ANGRYJLPP.S. The Borg Queen is sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy. I would totally – well never mind.

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Generations (1994)

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Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lookie here!! This is my third post in a row to host over here on TSCOABB (pronounced sko-ab for those in the know) (the T is silent). Well, maybe it is, maybe it’s not – I just made that shit up. Now we enter the Next Generation phase and, like I wrote below, these certainly aren’t my favorite movies or crew. I guess I just never really identified with them like I did with original gang. I thought Data was kind of a Spock rip-off and I just never got into Ryker. I wonder if JB liked this?? Let’s see!

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SYNOPSIS: In the late 23rd century, the gala maiden voyage of the third Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701-B) boasts such luminaries as Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott and the legendary Captain James T. Kirk as guests. But the maiden voyage turns to disaster as the unprepared ship is forced to rescue two transport ships from a mysterious energy ribbon. The Enterprise manages to save a handful of the ships’ passengers and barely makes it out intact… but at the cost of Captain Kirk’s life. Seventy-eight years later, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-D find themselves at odds with the renegade scientist Tolian Soran… who is destroying entire star systems. Only one man can help Picard stop Soran’s scheme… and he’s been dead for seventy-eight years. – via IMDB

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Alrighty, I am going to be dead honest here: I am not a fan of the Next Gen movies. Sorry people, but it is true. I find them to be… meh… I think a large part of that I am going to blame on Data irritating the absolute hell out of me all the time. Apparently I am seriously in the minority on my opinion there, but I really don’t care. He sucks more often than not! Generations was most certainly a less irritating outing for him though.

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I know that this one is definitely one of the better Next Gen films, but I was still not bowled over by it. It was great to see Scotty, Kirk and Chekov, however briefly, before moving on to the meatier side of things, but I just felt that this was a bit of a missed opportunity. There was so much that just felt rushed, and then other stuff that just took forever to go anywhere. Like Picard’s nephew dying, it was a serious thing that was almost just swept under the rug as though it was unimportant. Confused me endlessly, I won’t even lie.

Sadly, my favourite bits all featured the original members. Chekov taking command and making nurses of random people made me giggle, though the situation was supposed to be serious. I also could not lend credibility in the Enterprise just leaving Spacedock, magically encountering a problem moments out, yet are able to say that nobody else is close enough to go on ahead and sort it all out. That Enterprise wasn’t even actually ready to leave Spacedock at all, it wasn’t equipped with just about anything, but they are supposed to go ahead and answer distress calls. Mmmmhmmmmm. Sure.

I am, however, a fan of Patrick Stewart, and I did enjoy his character of Picard. I just think that it is a little more difficult when the majority of the crew members are just there for me, and not necessarily people I like. They weren’t people I got involved with at all, and I don’t feel like they contributed anything of value to the story. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a Kirk fan per se, but the rest of the crew from the original films was awesome! I suppose we will see if anything changes and anyone grows on me some more this time around, but I am not so sure.

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Kirk’s ultimate write out was just a little… meh. It was embarrassing and fast and not the kind of goodbye you would expect after all this time. I suppose I wanted more. This movie had a really weak premise, a lot of lull, other arb stuff just happening. I think I was just let down because I expected more bang from having the two captains together. That alone had the potential to just be awesome, and it never happened. Oh well, let’s see what the next one brings next week!

the chop

Hi. I don’t know if I am going to take any shit for this or not but… I never really got into this particular franchise… I know this is one of someone’s favorite TV SHOWS, but when this came out I had just turned 16 and was more interested in tooling around town trying to pick things up.1 That never really worked2 so in the end I had to go get a job so I could pay for gas and would sometimes catch these on re-runs late at night when I had come home from doing some underage beer drinking in the parking lot behind work (and failing to make out with anyone)3

So – this being the case – I am not TOO familiar with the TNG universe aside from 26 year old drunken memories of late night TV and having the hots for Marina Sirtis.4

SIRTIS1

Obviously, I’d seen this one because this is the one where Kirk dies5 but I’d only seen it the one time and wasn’t particularly impressed6 but I gave it another shot yesterday and…. yeah, sure…7

sirtis3

I think one of the things that really puts me off of TNG is Jonathan Frakes.8 I just can’t buy into him as a tough leading man. I also really can’t stand Brent Spiner and there was a LOT of Data in this movie.9 I do like the rest of the cast though, minus Whoopie Fucking Goldberg10 and the story was solid, but in the end I just felt like this was OK and, I’m not too familiar with the show but how about some of this:

sirtis2

I might need to check that episode out. Anyway, when I said I was watching this for our big project on twitter, the Nutter11 I linked to earlier said something like “DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY ANYTHING NASTY ABOUT PATRICK STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I said of course I wouldn’t because I love the guy and Jean Luc Picard is a stud. So, I figured it would be appropriate to end this with a little bit of this:

sirtis4

1 Chicks
2 DSB (See: Star Trek 3)
3 IBID
4 DSB Cure-All! (Patent Pending)
5 SPOILER!!!!
6 Not Arsed
7 IBID
8 IBID
9 Emotion Chip Bullshit
10 GROW SOME EYEBROWS WOMAN!!
11 What a Wanker

JB And The Chop Do: Star Trek VI – The Undiscovered Country (1991)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Well well well…. lookee here! JB has given me the reins once again to handle this post as this is…… my FAVORITE of the bunch!! I’m not a guy who cares if it’s the sixth movie of a franchise, or a reboot or a remake or any of that shit – I just want to like a movie if it’s GOOD. And I totally loved this one. This had it all, Klingons quoting Shakespeare,  a young Kim Catrall, Scotty busting through a sealed door, you name it! I loved it. This also has a quote that I say all the time “I’d pay good money for him to shut up” but – that’s usually when I’m talking about Brian. Anyway – let’s see what JB has to say about this one! SURELY she liked it as much as I did, right? RIGHT?????

star trek the undiscovered country

SYNOPSIS: After an explosion on their moon, the Klingons have an estimated 50 years before their ozone layer is completely depleted, and they all die. They have only one choice – to make peace with the Federation, which will mean an end to 70 years of conflict. Captain James T. Kirk and crew are called upon to help in the negotiations because of their “experience” with the Klingon race. Peace talks don’t quite go to plan, and eventually Kirk and McCoy are tried and convicted of assassination, and sent to Rura Penthe, a snowy hard-labor prison camp. Will they manage to escape? And will there ever be peace with the Klingons? – via IMDB

jb star trek

Can you believe it? HALFWAY through our Star Trek journey! WOOHOO! It has been most fun so far!

Well, this is the last one in way of the originals, which is sad. I much preferred these to the Next Generation lot, but oh well. I was a little sad that the last one just didn’t kick it for me on all the levels I would have hoped. Don’t misunderstand me, it isn’t a bad one, I just thought it had a lot of lull and places that got boring, which is a pity. Yes, shoot me now Chop, I’m sorry. 😦 Let me just get it out of the way and off my chest so that we can move past this and be friends again!

There were things that worked for it. Spock entertained me when he point blank refused to return home with the Enterprise, and as a Vulcan bent the truth a little to ensure that they had no other option but to stay nearby Kirk and Bones on trial. I laughed at how not everyone was so clued up on what he was doing, and the confusion, and his subtle but not really way of spelling it out for people. Scotty’s honesty about repair time on the Enterprise and his sudden burst of an inordinately long amount of time to repair nothing had me in stitches. Everyone was eventually spinning half truths to keep them out there, which was very good. The humour was very good here. Even Sulu got involved, and he wasn’t even on the Enterprise!

So obviously the dialogue and the humour was a winner for me here. The quotes from authors and all was also nice, brings things in a nice tie around for me, the past and  the future.

However, there was also the question of sketchy CGI. I am sure when this came out it was the bees knees and all that, I just found it to be highly distracting and ridiculous looking (here’s looking at all that floating blood). Also, the whole court thing had me squirming… it had moments of bright intelligence, and the majority was just crazy. Sounded like our useless South African courts. Pffffff. Also, the investigation on the Enterprise that Spock was conducting to exonerate his friends was a little stretched and silly at times, unfortunately.

I freaking loved Chekov’s Cinderella moment. It was pretty embarrassing, to be sure, considering how he delivered his accusation with such gusto.

star trek dax feet cinderella if the shoe fits
“Perhaps you have heard Russian epic of Cinderella? If shoe fits, wear it!” – Pavel Chekov

I suppose watching this is best if you see if for the characters, and don’t focus too much on all the other things going on. It just feels a little rushed (I mean it took forever to reach the Klingon assassination, and when that happened it started off good and then got a bit arb).I am sorry, I enjoyed this, I just didn’t love it as much as my Chop did :/

the chop

Well, this is it for The Original Crew CRY CRY CRY CRY!! And I do have to say they went out with quality. I mean – I know I went on about how much Wrath of Khan means to me but – for real – this is my favorite of the whole series. This has a lot of action and heart and some dark humor and Spock slaps someone. I totally LOVED this movie.

Also – I want to say: JB, I know we have some more of these to do but I wanted to thank you for doing this with me. I had a LOT  of fun this summer watching these things for this project – I really, really have. THANK YOU!

So – in the spirit of creativity, let’s do this up right and sing a song about it, to the tune of Summer Breeze by Seals and Croft!! Here’s the tune if you’re not familiar:

See Mr. Sulu rolling out as Captain
See a Klingon moon destroyyyyyyyed
See the Federation taking action
See our faithful crew deplooyyyyyyyed

Star Trek 6! You make me feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Even if I’m trapped in a Klingon miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Star Trek 6! You make me feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
No Uhura’s buns to see this tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

See Kim Catrall lookin sexy
That’s one Vulcan I’d so Pon Faaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr
See Christian Slater do a cameo
What went wrong with that movie staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr

Star Trek 6! You make me feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Even if I’m trapped in a Klingon miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Star Trek 6! You make me feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
No Uhura’s buns to see this tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

Poor Klingon baaaaaaaaaaaaaastards
The Chancellor’s dead
Kirk is to blaaaaaaaaaaame
They’ll have his head

Spock is a smart one
They’ll rescue Kirk good
They just need to find out
Who murdered that dude

Who saves the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
It’s Kirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk to be sure
Even fat Scottyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Busts throuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh a locked door

Star Trek 6! You make me feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Even if I’m trapped in a Klingon miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
Star Trek 6! You make me feel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
No Uhura’s buns to see this tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek V – The Final Frontier (1989)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Good morning,

Here I am again, writing the intro for this wretched thing. Well – I guess it’s not WRETCHED but it’s not any good. I think everyone was kind of getting too big for their britches after the success of the previous three movies and it showed here. I mean , Kirk climbing El Capitan bare handed??? Uhura nude??? Suddenly Spock has a brother??? GOD???? PUHLEASE. Much like I imagine the emissions that would come from Spock’s anus after he ate those beans McCoy made with whiskey, this one was basically a fart that lingered. Not my favorite. How did I end up with all of the odd ones, JB???? HUH??? HUH??? HUH????????? o_O

star trek the final frontier poster1

SYNOPSIS: When the newly-christened starship Enterprise’s shakedown cruise goes poorly, Captain Kirk and crew put it into Spacedock for repairs. But an urgent mission interrupts their Earth-bound shore leave. A renegade Vulcan named Sybok has taken three consuls hostage on the planet Nimbus III, an event which also attracts the attention of a Klingon captain who wants to make a name for himself. Sybok’s ragtag army captures the Enterprise and takes it on a journey to the center of the galaxy in search of the Supreme Being. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Well, whatever happened here I knew it wasn’t going to be great. I knew that this one was all about the “search for God” and all that, and that doesn’t even really faze me in the least, but this was just a mess. There were so many places that something great could have been done, but instead it wasn’t. What a damn loss this was! Completely and utterly, and this after the immense amounts of (stupid) fun that was The Voyage Home.

Here were something that had the potential to win me over on so many levels but didn’t:

the final frontier sybok nazgul

It should totally have been more like this:

the lord of the rings black riders nazgul

I mean whoop! But instead: dismount Sybok, and the damnation of the film is nigh. I suppose I might also just be having severe Lord of the Rings withdrawals… oh well…

Then, of course, there was the incredible epiphany I reached when looking too closely at the mount – another place that was just weird, and not in the good way:

final frontier sybok unicorn horse

Another thing, I just really, really didn’t like what was cracking with Spock in this one. It got grating and annoying and it got that way quickly. Also, I don’t know if I missed something with Scotty and Uhura, but luckily that doesn’t bug me too much.

What I did like, though, was the way that Scotty didn’t give a damn if they were meeting with God or not, or making history or not. He had one job, one passion: the Enterprise. His consistency is amazing.

Anyhow, The Final Frontier was just lame and bland and silly, and it really could have gone a whole other way. For example, if you look at what Bones did to his father, that scene had all the potential to have a much larger impact. Instead, nothing. There were funny bits, though, such as Sulu and Chekov vacationing and getting lost, faking a blizzard to Uhura. I mean really? Also, Spock’s desire for logic, and Bones’s desperate desire to see Spock just be normal.

I was a pretty big fan of Scotty busting Kirk, Spock, and a very grumpy Bones out of the brig. The morse code? The yelling? All of it worked rather well together.

Also, Kirk confessing the fact he would die alone and that coming up again later should have resonated far, far more than it did, and it just didn’t, unfortunately. Well, not much more to say on this, except that it dragged, then rushed, then just failed at the end of it all. Moving along!

PS: Chop! It’s not like I forced it or anything like that… it’s just… you got the short straw I suppose…

the chop

 

For today’s post, I thought I’d approach this a little differently….


PS: Today’s Star Trek post is a day early because, coming tomorrow, something special will be hosted over on The IPC and it requires centre stage and the spotlight! Keep your eyes peeled! 

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek IV – The Voyage Home (1986)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

I wonder how many people enjoyed The Voyage Home? Surely a handful of you did…? Well, Eric The Chop of The IPC and I get into The Voyage Home, and have quite an amount of views to share on it! Read on to find out more.

star trek the voyage home poster

SYNOPSIS: James Kirk who after rescuing Mr. Spock and bringing him to Vulcan where he is fully restored, is now the most hated man in the universe, because he disobeyed his superiors and killed a Klingon crew and took their ship. After three months on Vulcan, Kirk decides to return to Earth to face the consequences of his actions along with his crew who aided him. Also accompanying them is Mr. Spock, who is still trying to understand his human side. What they don’t know is that an alien probe approaches Earth and is emitting a signal that nullifies all power systems. And it is now vaporizing the planet’s oceans covering the planet in a cloud that covers the earth cutting them off from the sun – the planet’s main source of energy. The President of the Federation sends a transmission telling everyone about what is happening and to stay away from earth. Kirk upon hearing it, checks out the probe’s transmission and Spock postulates that the alien is not hostile merely unaware that it’s … – via IMDB

jb star trek

Well, fourth outing here for the franchise, and this one took my by complete surprise the first time I saw it. Don’t get me wrong, it is totally, completely 80s, but it is also endlessly entertaining. The Voyage Home boasts one of the weakest plots ever, but it makes it work, no matter what. There was so much tongue-in-cheek humour, and it was done pretty well. There is no other way to look at this movie aside from fun, and it resonates that all the way through.

There were just so many scenes that had me in stitches. I figured I would just pick a  few and lay them out here. Spock’s use and understanding of “the hell”, the 60s being the LDS era (that actually happened), and then one of my personal favourite gems, Scotty coming across a computer from the 80s are just some of the bizarre and amusing scenes we come across. Scottty and the PC must have been extremely difficult to adapt to. Besides that, they looked like total idiots coming in there, though it was soon shown they are ridiculously smart. However, no matter how smart, this does not instill faith (Bones looks way too proud of Scotty):

scotty h ello computer

Sulu also had me laughing what with the Huey he went to get for the master plan of getting plexiglas into the Vulcan renamed HMS Bounty (again, Bones is the best). It suited him though, even though it left rippling effects when attempting to fly the spacecraft back out.

sulu huey

Kirk’s reaction to seeing Spock in the humpback whale tank communicating with them is freaking priceless.

kirk horrified

Also, Pavlov Chekov asking for the location of nuclear vessels, as a Russian, was most likely not his smartest move.

nuclear wessels

Leonard “Bones” McCoy is just a favourite of mine: brusque, smart, rude and fast, he always gets me. But his reaction to going back to the 20th century, back to primitive medication and treatments, that got me. His usual grouchy self showed more compassion, but not once did his sheer indignation go unnoticed. It also showcases his knowledge in the area, something we don’t always get to have a look at.

bones 1bones2bones3bones4bones5bones6

Evidently I am a fan of this movie. It is cheesy, it is lame, it is amusing, and it just works on so many levels. I always enjoy watching this one, and I would recommend you check it out if you haven’t, or rewatch if you have. It’s a great way to put a stupid, goofy smile on your face! Anyway, enough about this all. I’m going to end my two cents with this gem:

scotty there be whales here

 

the chop

Here we are again with an even numbered release and I am pretty sure this thing made some good money – I wouldn’t say this is the best in the franchise but I will say one thing – this thing is fucking LOL funny! And it means to be – I think the first three films came out as they were – with people dying and they were all serious – but this one is different. Bones goes around “God Damning” everything and, since they go back in time to the 80s, Kirk has to revert to using the vernacular of the time.

STTVHA

But since they’re all from the future, no one knows what any of that means so when Spock tries to use “the hell” – as in “What the hell?” it’s an absolute crack up.

STTVHB

Spock: They like you very much, but they are not the hell “your” whales.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: I suppose they told you that.
Spock: The hell they did.
Punk on bus: [Playing loud music on the bus]
Kirk: Excuse me.
Punk on bus: [He ignores him]
Kirk: Excuse me. Would you mind stopping that noise?
Punk on bus: [He turns it up louder]
Kirk: [louder and firmer] Excuse me! Would you mind stopping that damn noise?
Punk on bus: [He flips him off]
Kirk: [He looks at Spock]
Spock: [He gives the punk the Vulcan neck-pinch, followed by the delighted applause of the grateful bus passengers]
Kirk: Spock, where the hell’s the power you promised?
Spock: One damn minute, Admiral.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Do you guys like Italian?
Spock: No.
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: No.
Kirk: [at Spock] No, Yes.
Spock: No.
Kirk: Yes, I love Italian…
[looks at Spock]
Kirk: And so do you.
Spock: Yes.

STTVHC

I’m sure JB has entertained this morning with the plot and such so I won’t go into it down here but I will say that this movie is fun to watch. All of the characters get their own pieces of work instead of the main focus only being on Kirk and Spock, which was well done. You do have to be careful though – it’s VERY 80s. Also – I’m not sure why this pulled up during my Google search for “Star Trek 4” images but:

STTVHD

And let’s not even mention this:

STTVHE

All in all I think this is a fun movie that’s worth a re-watch if it’s been since the theaters when you saw it last.