Rapid Review: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

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“I know we’re not perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”
– Steve Rogers

SYNOPSIS: After another incident involving the Avengers results in collateral damage, political pressure mounts to install a system of accountability, headed by a governing body to oversee and direct the team. The new status quo fractures the Avengers, resulting in two camps, one led by Steve Rogers and his desire for the Avengers to remain free to defend humanity without government interference, and the other following Tony Stark’s surprising decision to support government oversight and accountability. – via IMDB


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I would also just like to take a moment to appreciate the raw power of this moment.

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Well. Well. Where do I even begin? Let’s start with the fact that this movie really shouldn’t have been flown under the Captain America banner – it could really have just been Civil War or even Marvel/Avengers: Civil War. This was essentially an Avengers movie, and you all know how huge a fan I am of that. So it shorts Thor and The Hulk, but they were mentioned a ton of times. I don’t know, I wanted a Captain America movie. He is my favourite Avenger, he is the only one who has individual movies I get excited about and adore, and then we got this one, so heavily reliant on Age of Ultron and all that happened there, and it was all about signing off on a document to regulate the Avengers team. Seriously. So they called it Captain America: Civil War because there was some extra Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier?

However, that being said, there was so much scrumptious Sebastian Stan for me. Oh hell yeah there was, hmmmm. I really liked the themes that were explored in the film, like friendship, opposing opinions, loyalty, standing up for what you believe in, conforming, moral responsibility, etc. The performances were all solid, though I really feel that this movie was juggling way too many characters, but still managed to do a relatively decent job with them all. I enjoyed the introduction of the Black Panther, and I freaking love the moves on this guy, so fluid and awesome. Marvel has again let us down on the villain, Baron Zemo. After The Winter Soldier, I was expecting darker, more hardcore villains. Zemo was underutilised here, and didn’t pack as much punch as he could have had he been set up better. I never felt shock and horror at any of the things that he did.

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Steve finally kissing Sharon was a little rushed and out of place in the movie, it wasn’t properly set up (in this film), and then it was glossed over. The fighting sequences were great to look at, and the Russo’s really grasp that – that choreography, the movements, all of it is just amazing. The inclusion of Steve’s “I can do this all day” is another scene that thrilled me, it is something I expect from him. There were some interesting plot developments here, some of particular interest being carried by the Winter Soldier, which is great. Anyway, with too many characters to really talk too much about, Captain America: Civil War is an entertaining Avengers flick with more heart to it than the average Avengers film, solid performances, darker, a good movie, some solid humour and well worth watching.

So. Much. Delicious. Bucky.

captain america bucky barnescaptain america bucky and tony big fightcaptain america civil war winter soldier tony2captain america buckycaptain america bucky civil war

This totally sums up Captain America: Civil War.

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Rapid Review: Gone (2012)

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“Adults have the right to disappear.”
Lt. Ray Bozeman

SYNOPSIS: When her sister disappears, Jill is convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her two years ago has returned, and she sets out to once again face her abductor. – via IMDB

gone i'll sleep when he's dead

GRADE 4I didn’t necessarily think that this was awful, per se, but it was a long way off from great. This successfully passes Anna’s vacuum test, in that I was doing my own thing, not particularly invested in the movie yet managed to follow it without putting too much thought or energy in it. I looked into this mainly for Amanda Seyfried, as well as some Sebastian Stan perve time (mmmmhmmmm, I am that petty). I didn’t want an intense movie, or something that was too serious or that would make me think too much, and this seemed to fit that bill. This movie is just fine for whiling away some time, but don’t take it too seriously, it won’t be fine then. There are holes and there are flaws, and the storytelling is all over the show, and that did detract from this being better than it was. It had the potential to be more… okay, maybe not too much more, but more than it ultimately was. Some things irritated me when I thought I was going to take this a little more seriously, and I had to remind myself to leave my brain at the door. Seyfried does the best she can with what she has been given, and Sebastian Stan was (super unfortunately) not around as much as I was hoping he would be, so I didn’t even get any major perve time. This movie is quite forgettable at the end of the day, so if you really have nothing else to watch this should be alright, or if you want some background noise. I didn’t completely hate this, but I will not be wasting my time on it again – I am pretty indifferent towards the film. If you want a thriller to dig your teeth into, it is totally not going to be this.

Rapid Review: The Martian (2015)

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“I’m gonna have to science the shit out of this.”
– Mark Watney

SYNOPSIS: During a manned mission to Mars, Astronaut Mark Watney is presumed dead after a fierce storm and left behind by his crew. But Watney has survived and finds himself stranded and alone on the hostile planet. With only meager supplies, he must draw upon his ingenuity, wit and spirit to subsist and find a way to signal to Earth that he is alive. – via IMDB

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GRADE 7This was something I was looking forward to seeing because, well, Matt Damon. Yep, I will watch the man anywhere. Knowing it was a Ridley Scott film, I was tentative (come on, Exodus is still way too fresh in our minds to dismiss). He can either be brilliant or he can really suck. But back to space? Sure. Right off the bat, my fiancé was not a happy camper by the time this was over. While he said it was good, he was hoping for something more like Interstellar or Alien, and he got neither, but this does not mean the movie was crappy, it’s just not something he is going to rush again. I know there are a few people that feel that way. So, for me, the movie really isn’t bad. I was entertained and there was a lot to like, even with the shortcomings of it. However, I certainly don’t feel that the movie is worth all the hype that is running rampant about it, truly. I was a huge fan of Matt Damon in this, he just totally owned that role of Mark Watney, and he was geeky, nerdy, hilarious and resourceful, and he was entertaining every second he was on screen (not that I expected any less). Also, let’s not forget Sebastian Stan in 3D, something I can always easily get on board with because so much deliciousness there – but I totally could have done with more of him on screen. I loved the science side of the movie, and how it came together. I was a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings reference in the movie because a) Lord of the Rings and b) Sean Bean was present for the whole thing! I thought seeing the multiple uses of duct tape to be fabulous and provided me with plenty laughs, and the disco music Watney was subjected to? Priceless, and made for a hilarious soundtrack to the film. The film is visually stunning, and I was mesmerised from the off by it. All of this, however, does not make a great movie, there were some things I took issue with. The biggest flaw of this movie is the fact that everything happening on Mars is fascinating and engrossing, but the Earth element just does not measure up and falls short in too many places. Let’s not forget the silliness that was Rich Purnell, and no, I do not say that in an endearing way. The character was annoying to the nth degree, and made me cringe. Not to mention the movie was filled with things slotting into place at just the right moment, and information coming to the fore at just the right time, which made it a little too convenient for me to fully buy into. I found Watney’s crew to be incredibly underutilised – come on, they could have been more present, Chastain was criminally underused here. Some of the zero gravity movement looked a bit stiff for me, and I was incredibly unimpressed with the way that Watney loses all that weight as he stays on Mars, and a body double was used to represent this, yet the moment he is back in his (skintight) suit, he is all buff again. The script and pacing was all over the show, as well, and I thought it lacked inventiveness. Despite all this, The Martian is shot wonderfully, showcases a solid return to form for Scott, and is worth a watch at least once even though it is riddled with some silly faults.

Review: The Covenant (2006)

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SYNOPSIS: To the students of the Spenser Academy, the Sons of Ipswich are the baddest boys on campus. But that’s not all they share. The four friends also share a 300-year-old secret: they’re warlocks, the teenage descendants of a 17th-century coven of witches. So when the long-banished fifth son suddenly appears and threatens to kill their loved ones, they realize they must face their enemy in order to prevent him from stealing their powers and shattering the covenant forever. – via IMDB

Well, seeing as this was so bad I am going to turn it into something completely different.

One of the things that sucked on so many levels was how freaking terrible the CGI was. I mean bad, bad, bad!

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Oki, so the balls of power…

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Then there is the secondary cause of there being like no heat between male and females (like seriously) and far too much sexual tension resting between the dudes. Not particularly comfortable to sit through at all.

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Looking at built mostly naked men is not something ladies normally complain about, but this was pretty homoerotic and said strictly no ladies. Plus really, they look so uncomfortable, and that isn’t sexy. And they look like idiots. And they didn’t tick the hot factor boxes. For me, anyhow.

Well, here was one scene I thought it was going to be more normal (as in maybe something between the guys and the girls or a standard shower scene at the very least). Turned out to be a super let down. Then read in the trivia that a lot of steam was added to the shower scene to obscure the nudity to score that PG-13 rating they so badly wanted. Sorry guys!

the_covenant_06NothingToDoHereBlackWithTextSSThen there was this shit… I mean fucking seriously??

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Then there was the burning building… he looks so super fly!

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I don’t know what you folks think, but if someone is in a serious fight, has power balls thrown at them, get flung out of burning buildings and all that bizarre stuff, would you think the suit would look so neat? I sure as hell don’t.

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So I am going to move away from all of this now. I at least got to moon over Sebastian Stan in this. Let me tell you, he started fine, then the cheese was just an overkill, but it doesn’t take his pretty away!

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I won’t even elaborate… but yum!

Pretty damn cute in uniform.

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I would totally let him lope around a shower room looking like that…

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More hmmmmmm…

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There’s just a certain way to do demon eyes. While Sebastian Stan was freaking delicious, he lacked the attitude of Dean Winchester, and the backdrop of a decent show…

sebastian stan demon eyesSebastian Stan stars in THE COVENANT.Demon Dean

GRADE 2I had completely forgotten that I had seen this movie when it had came out and that it was so damn lame you can’t help but groan and facepalm throughout. I mean the movie kicks in with some White Zombie, and I am all like hell yeah… I am even prepared to skip over the incredibly dodgy text and effects on it. Whatever. I mean it’s got to be good if it opens with some Zombie, right? Right? Wrong. I think the best things about this film were the Zombie tracks and getting to watch the delectable Sebastian Stan. Outside of that, really?! What the hell?! It is so corny, and not the good kind, either, and so silly. My other half refused to put himself through this again (I was just thinking bring it, it will give me something to rag on), and was giving his two cents from the room for the entire duration, all degrading, all some serious mockery. He was dead on though. The dialogue was simply cringe-worthy, the outfits were absurd, the actors were not great, the plot was just… I don’t even actually know what that was, to be honest, and none of the characters were someone you could identify with. Then the whole thing of Sarah hearing about the Salem witch trials and how it ties in with the Sons of Ipswich and having her be all like “ooooooh creepy” – my eyes just went rolling around, I couldn’t help it anymore. It was hundreds of years ago. Extensive research has been done into it. Interesting, yes. Creepy, not so much. Or my mind is just too rational, I really don’t know. Also, so many things happened that weren’t explained, or later just brushed under the carpet. The Covenant boasts one of the most unsatisfying conclusions I have ever seen in a movie, and that is saying something seeing as I was so happy to have this movie end. It is not that bad that you want to kick your television to pieces and dump it outside, but it is bad enough to groan. Probably good for a rip off and a laugh with your friends if ever you are extremely bored or masochistic enough to test the waters. Have I mentioned the dodgy effects? Damn. This was just silly, not suspenseful, overly predictable and puerile. Skip it, skip it, skip it! If you were unlucky enough to have seen it, we can wallow about this together.

Character Tribute: The Winter Soldier

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It’s that time again folks! Another epic character tribute here of someone who (as you all know) I am just a teensy bit obsessed with (well, not just the character, but the actor too). I thought that the Winter Soldier came together really well, and that Sebastian Stan was absolutely perfect to realise Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier. He was excellent as the cold, cruel assassin, and then his past came seeping back in, and he went from cruel to confused to livid, and it was a great transformation to watch. Anyway, here are some of the reasons that I thought the Winter Soldier was just epic!

We can start with the outfit. How ridiculously cool was it?!

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The general badassery of taking out a car and stepping aside at precisely the right moment… you knew hardcore things were coming!

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There are few things that gave me thrills and chills like this scene where the Winter Soldier just whips around and snatches that shield like “bitch, please”. That’s when you knew, hands down, that this was going to be a bigger, better villain.

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Every single fight was just breathtaking.

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The entire highway scene had me at the edge of my seat. The Winter Soldier is ruthless, he is strong, and he is extremely mission orientated. His magnificent highway stop was just… wow.

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He’s merciless.

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Every time he hauls out a gun… it’s like “stick ’em up, I haven’t got all day”. What a machine.

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How extremely endearing that assassin could become.

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The cracks that appeared in the Soldier’s demeanor changed him completely. He was breaking, he was uncertain, and he responded furiously to that.

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And, last but not least, he was gorgeous with or without that mask!

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Review: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

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“Captain, in order to build a better world sometimes means turning the old one down… and that makes enemies.”
– Alexander Pierce

SYNOPSIS: As Steve Rogers struggles to embrace his role in the modern world, he teams up with a fellow Avenger and S.H.I.E.L.D agent, Black Widow, to battle a new threat from history: an assassin known as the Winter Soldier.  – via IMDB

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What a movie! I missed the period setting feel of the first one, but this came together so well that it didn’t really matter anymore. This movie was good. It was put together exceptionally well, it looked great, had a good story which progressed at a great pace. The effects were wonderful and the cast was great. I was totally blown away with the appearance of the Winter Soldier, the costume design was fantastic.

I found the Winter Soldier to be quite a badass villain, and definitely one of the more interesting ones in a very long time! For once Black Widow didn’t completely grate on my nerves (I put that on Scarlett Johansson usually though) and they finally made her a little more human. The Nick Fury story arc was very entertaining, and it was nice to see him get more screen time. There were times, however, where I felt that Captain America was a little more in the background than anything.

The camera work was lovely and the score set the mood more often than not. There was a very impressive cast, too, and everything just came together very well. This is the best movie to come from the Phase 2 Marvel films so far, the other movies have been lacking, almost as though Marvel built up to The Avengers in Phase 1, delivered the big bang then sort of tapered out. This shows that they still have the goods.

I absolutely love Captain America, he is awesome, has integrity, loyalty, and is extremely brave and selfless. Chris Evans truly lends life to his character. It was interesting to watch how he is trying to catch up seventy years worth of history as well as find a way to fit into society after the incredibly long hiatus. I thought there were some great twists and turns in here and the plot simply barreled along… so excellent! It was fantastic to watch that shield being flung around again as a weapon and later being caught by the Winter Soldier…? Thrilling. Sebastian Stan was mesmerising as Winter Soldier and gave credence to a new villain and just gave a solid performance all round. Definitely the best villain performance I have seen in years.

The fighting sequences were excellent in here, too. I liked the way they explored Captain America’s disappearance and how people went on after that, even though it was not a terribly in depth look at it. I liked that it was more serious and not run into the ground by excessive cheesy humour. Overall, this movie was extremely well put together and executed and is a wonderful way to follow up on what they did with the original! I would highly recommend seeing this movie, especially in theatres if you can wrangle it… I want to go again… right now…

Review: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

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“Whatever happens tomorrow you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.”
– Abraham Erskine

SYNOPSIS: Steve Rogers, a rejected military soldier transforms into Captain America after taking a dose of a “Super-Soldier serum”. But being Captain America comes at a price as he attempts to take down a war monger and a terrorist organization. – via IMDB


I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this film. When it came everyone was like uhming and ahing and I was like what the hell, let’s see, and then I had a total blast. They completely reinvented Captain America. He was not boring, he was cool and he was someone to root for. Luke made a fantastic observation when he reviewed this saying it was a good set period piece, and I cannot disagree, it was good!

The costume design was fantastic and so was Chris Evans, especially when he donned the pretty strange outfit… it ultimately just came together and worked well. As much as when this first came around I could only think the Human Torch, Evans was perfectly cast. I loved the music and the cinematography… this film was just fun. It looked great, the colouring of it, and I enjoyed the pace of it and the story line. The cast worked well together. Yes, there were some questionable CGI effects at times, but nothing that is a deal breaker. This movie came together well in so many ways. It impressed me. Of the pre-Avengers movies, I must say that Marvel nailed this one as well as the initial two Iron Man movies (no, I am still not a fan of the third).

Captain America: The First Avenger was one of the best introductory films I have ever seen for a superhero and definitely my favourite, and I loved how they focused on the war, being a hero and not someone’s pet and all that. I would highly recommend that you check this out if you have not done so already, it just worked on so many levels.