Review: Bird Box (2018)

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“Listen to me, we’re going on a trip now, it’s going to be rough. If you hear something in the woods, you tell me. if you hear something in the water, you tell me. But under no circumstances are you allowed to take off your blindfold.”
– Malorie

SYNOPSIS: Five years after an ominous unseen presence drives most of society to suicide, a mother and her two children make a desperate bid to reach safety. – via IMDB

So there was so much hype surrounding this that I figured it was time to give it a shot and see what it was all about. I think this was largely down to people doing silly challenges. Well, I got to it and it was… okay. I know, I know. Opinions seemed varied about it, but I didn’t love it.

I felt the movie was excessively long for what it gave us. Like, it could totally have justified the run time if there was just more going on. As it was, way too much. Also, it never felt like it got intense enough, if that makes sense? It was always on the fringes of delivering, but never did. It didn’t even get you riled and then not pay off, it just… carried on and on. So I wasn’t super invested. And for all the “it’s unique and different”, I didn’t feel that.

I thought the performances were decent, albeit not groundbreaking material that you will remember long after the movie is over. The story itself won’t even linger long after aside from the blindfolds. I suppose that is how it was with Hush. It was not necessarily unique in terms of genre (home invasion), but had a different spin (deaf victim). So it was with Bird Box. End of the world/invasion type deal, and you can’t look at anything because it will drive you crackers (serious Lovecraftian stuff going on there).

So Bird Box was okay, albeit long. It is not something that will stay with you long after all is said and done, and is not as different and unique as it would like to think it is.

Rapid Review: 13 Sins (2014)

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13 sins cover

“I will dance with the golden toad.”
– Elliot Brindle

SYNOPSIS: A cryptic phone call sets off a dangerous game of risks for Elliot, a down-on-his luck salesman. The game promises increasing rewards for completing 13 tasks, each more sinister than the last. – via IMDB

13 sins cuts

GRADE 7Another movie from the horror box set from mah bestie! This one was chosen randomly to watch by my fiancé, and let me tell you, we were quite impressed (even though it featured both Ron Perlman and Rutina Wesley). What you expect to be a by-the-numbers film actually brings more to the table than one would expect, even if there are times where you just cannot buy into the logic. The characters, too, are not exactly people you are going to warm towards to actually care about, but they do serve the purpose of moving the story along, and they do deliver suitably solid performances. There are a lot of questions that are raised and, unsatisfactorily, not all of them are answered (especially a big one that I really wanted to know about). There was definitely more potential than was tapped into here, but that does not, for one second, mean that this is a hollow film. In fact, it is quite the enjoyable flick with a few funny moments and an intriguing premise. There was definitely potential for more thrills and tension, and while that is not constantly evident, the movie keeps you entertained. I was intrigued by Elliot and his situation, as well as how he was actually going to handle playing this game with some unseen caller. I also liked seeing how he was changing as he was playing the game. There was some fantastic material to explore there, though the movie didn’t focus on that too much, just enough to let you know psychologically the game was affecting him. There were some twists and turns in the plot, too, some which were expected, and others that came as a surprise, so that was nice.  I wish that Pruitt Taylor Vince had been given more screen time, he is an actor I really do enjoy. I don’t think this film has the guts, content, and execution to linger too long after you have watched it, but that does not mean it isn’t worth a look see, especially for a movie night with friends.

Rapid Review: Constantine (2005)

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constantine poster

“What if I told you that God and the devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind?”
– John Constantine

SYNOPSIS: The story of irreverent supernatural detective John Constantine, who has literally been to Hell and back. When Constantine teams up with skeptical policewoman Angela Dodson to solve the mysterious suicide of her twin sister, their investigation takes them through the world of demons and angels that exists just beneath the landscape of contemporary Los Angeles. Caught in a catastrophic series of otherworldly events, the two become inextricably involved and seek to find their own peace at whatever cost. – via IMDB

constantine hell

GRADE 7.5This is a movie that really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be, and I thought that Keanu Reeves was, in actual fact, cast really well for the role. I thought that the way the movie was laid out was decent, and the story itself was cool, too, though there were some inconsistencies and plot holes. That plagues most movies though. I have a soft spot for this. Constantine really is the most bizarre and hardcore exorcist, and he is hell bent on enforcing the balance. The cast was also good, and even Rachel Weisz didn’t get on my nerves or anything. Constantine boasts some insane cheese, but it works absolute wonders here. The war that was described in the movie between Heaven and Hell was interesting, and the way that Hell looked was impressive, too. I didn’t think the effects were awful or anything, especially when taking into consideration how long ago this was made. Keanu Reeves rocked the white shirt, black tie, black pants, severe smoker and tortured soul thing – so good at being deadpan – I really thought he was well suited, despite what so many other people have to say. There is just insane amounts of fun to be had with this movie, really. It has a cult following for a reason. It had cheese in the right places, humour, too, and a solid cast to carry it. The effects weren’t bad and the progression was exactly what it needed to be. The movie manages to introduce us to Constantine and his world before immersing itself in the battle between Heaven and Hell adequately, so that we are not thrown into the deep end and left floundering. Also, I need to make mention of the tease that Constantine was in this… I mean if I were Angela I would have flipped out with his lingering and never doing more. The frustration. Poor woman. Anyway, if you haven’t seen Constantine, I think it is well worth looking into and a good time to boot, just don’t take it too seriously, you will ruin the experience for yourself. Oh, and embrace the cheese.