JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Insurrection (1998)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Well, hell. JB and I had a very dramatic, over long and weepy scheduling problem with this post,  so we’re having to post this on an irregular day and both of our OCDs are really acting up. I hope we can make it through this….. ARGH… Anyway – this is the Star Trek with F Murray Abraham and his plastic skin. It’s time for us to present the first ever Zuts True Story Factoid™®!!!

*The skin stretching presented in this movie was, in fact, Abraham’s real skin. At 146 years of age, he was the oldest man to ever star in a Science Fiction Movie, much to the delight of the Prop Department.*

And there you have The Truth!!! Let’s see what JB thought about this thing….

star trek insurrection poster

SYNOPSIS: When the crew of the Enterprise learn of a Federation conspiracy against the inhabitants of a unique planet, Captain Picard begins an open rebellion. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Well… it’s Wednesday, and here’s our latest entry .

gir eye twitch

Scheduling conflicts are a bitch. I think the Chop and I are going to need some counselling after this just to get back to a happy place, but anyways. We are not here to talk about our issues. We are here to talk about what we thought of Insurrection.

Well, Insurrection was disappointing overall. There were very few things that I liked about it, more that I just found boring, but hey! I got to get my Halloween nails ready during this! That makes me happy. 😀

halloween nailss

To be very honest, this plot is so ludicrous is makes The Voyage Home whale plot look like some seriously in depth stuff. Basically, desperate to stop the skin stretching and plastic surgery, the Son’a decide to go to war to take over an amazing planet that will maintain their youth. No more stretchy sessions!

flesh stretching star trek insurrection

Anyway. obviously things would not go their way, and this result in Picard and his people staging a rebellion against the Son’a and the Federation that is backing them. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever…

Then Riker and Deanna were getting all cushy, out of nowhere (I suppose this is another relationship that needed to be seen from the show first), Data wanted to be a kid (always wanting to be something he isn’t), Worf had a seriously bad time with going back to hit puberty, Geordi got his eyes back (his reaction to his first sunrise was beautiful though) and Picard got in touch with his lustier and younger side again. Not only was he dancing, which made me laugh, I then found this gif. Perfection.

picard shake it so

The movie improved more toward the end of it, got a little more, erm… exciting, I guess? The pacing was crappy, the humour wasn’t grand, the plot was flimsy at best and I was not overjoyed with this one. I am actually going to strop trying to say something about this weak entry to the Star Trek franchise…

the chop

This movie is so fucking boring,… I’m going to try something new here….

STI1 STI2 STI3 STI4 STI5 STI6 STI7 STI8 STI9 STI10

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Generations (1994)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lookie here!! This is my third post in a row to host over here on TSCOABB (pronounced sko-ab for those in the know) (the T is silent). Well, maybe it is, maybe it’s not – I just made that shit up. Now we enter the Next Generation phase and, like I wrote below, these certainly aren’t my favorite movies or crew. I guess I just never really identified with them like I did with original gang. I thought Data was kind of a Spock rip-off and I just never got into Ryker. I wonder if JB liked this?? Let’s see!

star trek generations poster

SYNOPSIS: In the late 23rd century, the gala maiden voyage of the third Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701-B) boasts such luminaries as Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott and the legendary Captain James T. Kirk as guests. But the maiden voyage turns to disaster as the unprepared ship is forced to rescue two transport ships from a mysterious energy ribbon. The Enterprise manages to save a handful of the ships’ passengers and barely makes it out intact… but at the cost of Captain Kirk’s life. Seventy-eight years later, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-D find themselves at odds with the renegade scientist Tolian Soran… who is destroying entire star systems. Only one man can help Picard stop Soran’s scheme… and he’s been dead for seventy-eight years. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty, I am going to be dead honest here: I am not a fan of the Next Gen movies. Sorry people, but it is true. I find them to be… meh… I think a large part of that I am going to blame on Data irritating the absolute hell out of me all the time. Apparently I am seriously in the minority on my opinion there, but I really don’t care. He sucks more often than not! Generations was most certainly a less irritating outing for him though.

star trek generations enterprise

I know that this one is definitely one of the better Next Gen films, but I was still not bowled over by it. It was great to see Scotty, Kirk and Chekov, however briefly, before moving on to the meatier side of things, but I just felt that this was a bit of a missed opportunity. There was so much that just felt rushed, and then other stuff that just took forever to go anywhere. Like Picard’s nephew dying, it was a serious thing that was almost just swept under the rug as though it was unimportant. Confused me endlessly, I won’t even lie.

Sadly, my favourite bits all featured the original members. Chekov taking command and making nurses of random people made me giggle, though the situation was supposed to be serious. I also could not lend credibility in the Enterprise just leaving Spacedock, magically encountering a problem moments out, yet are able to say that nobody else is close enough to go on ahead and sort it all out. That Enterprise wasn’t even actually ready to leave Spacedock at all, it wasn’t equipped with just about anything, but they are supposed to go ahead and answer distress calls. Mmmmhmmmmm. Sure.

I am, however, a fan of Patrick Stewart, and I did enjoy his character of Picard. I just think that it is a little more difficult when the majority of the crew members are just there for me, and not necessarily people I like. They weren’t people I got involved with at all, and I don’t feel like they contributed anything of value to the story. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a Kirk fan per se, but the rest of the crew from the original films was awesome! I suppose we will see if anything changes and anyone grows on me some more this time around, but I am not so sure.

star trek generations data yes

Kirk’s ultimate write out was just a little… meh. It was embarrassing and fast and not the kind of goodbye you would expect after all this time. I suppose I wanted more. This movie had a really weak premise, a lot of lull, other arb stuff just happening. I think I was just let down because I expected more bang from having the two captains together. That alone had the potential to just be awesome, and it never happened. Oh well, let’s see what the next one brings next week!

the chop

Hi. I don’t know if I am going to take any shit for this or not but… I never really got into this particular franchise… I know this is one of someone’s favorite TV SHOWS, but when this came out I had just turned 16 and was more interested in tooling around town trying to pick things up.1 That never really worked2 so in the end I had to go get a job so I could pay for gas and would sometimes catch these on re-runs late at night when I had come home from doing some underage beer drinking in the parking lot behind work (and failing to make out with anyone)3

So – this being the case – I am not TOO familiar with the TNG universe aside from 26 year old drunken memories of late night TV and having the hots for Marina Sirtis.4

SIRTIS1

Obviously, I’d seen this one because this is the one where Kirk dies5 but I’d only seen it the one time and wasn’t particularly impressed6 but I gave it another shot yesterday and…. yeah, sure…7

sirtis3

I think one of the things that really puts me off of TNG is Jonathan Frakes.8 I just can’t buy into him as a tough leading man. I also really can’t stand Brent Spiner and there was a LOT of Data in this movie.9 I do like the rest of the cast though, minus Whoopie Fucking Goldberg10 and the story was solid, but in the end I just felt like this was OK and, I’m not too familiar with the show but how about some of this:

sirtis2

I might need to check that episode out. Anyway, when I said I was watching this for our big project on twitter, the Nutter11 I linked to earlier said something like “DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY ANYTHING NASTY ABOUT PATRICK STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I said of course I wouldn’t because I love the guy and Jean Luc Picard is a stud. So, I figured it would be appropriate to end this with a little bit of this:

sirtis4

1 Chicks
2 DSB (See: Star Trek 3)
3 IBID
4 DSB Cure-All! (Patent Pending)
5 SPOILER!!!!
6 Not Arsed
7 IBID
8 IBID
9 Emotion Chip Bullshit
10 GROW SOME EYEBROWS WOMAN!!
11 What a Wanker