JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Generations (1994)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lookie here!! This is my third post in a row to host over here on TSCOABB (pronounced sko-ab for those in the know) (the T is silent). Well, maybe it is, maybe it’s not – I just made that shit up. Now we enter the Next Generation phase and, like I wrote below, these certainly aren’t my favorite movies or crew. I guess I just never really identified with them like I did with original gang. I thought Data was kind of a Spock rip-off and I just never got into Ryker. I wonder if JB liked this?? Let’s see!

star trek generations poster

SYNOPSIS: In the late 23rd century, the gala maiden voyage of the third Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701-B) boasts such luminaries as Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott and the legendary Captain James T. Kirk as guests. But the maiden voyage turns to disaster as the unprepared ship is forced to rescue two transport ships from a mysterious energy ribbon. The Enterprise manages to save a handful of the ships’ passengers and barely makes it out intact… but at the cost of Captain Kirk’s life. Seventy-eight years later, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-D find themselves at odds with the renegade scientist Tolian Soran… who is destroying entire star systems. Only one man can help Picard stop Soran’s scheme… and he’s been dead for seventy-eight years. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty, I am going to be dead honest here: I am not a fan of the Next Gen movies. Sorry people, but it is true. I find them to be… meh… I think a large part of that I am going to blame on Data irritating the absolute hell out of me all the time. Apparently I am seriously in the minority on my opinion there, but I really don’t care. He sucks more often than not! Generations was most certainly a less irritating outing for him though.

star trek generations enterprise

I know that this one is definitely one of the better Next Gen films, but I was still not bowled over by it. It was great to see Scotty, Kirk and Chekov, however briefly, before moving on to the meatier side of things, but I just felt that this was a bit of a missed opportunity. There was so much that just felt rushed, and then other stuff that just took forever to go anywhere. Like Picard’s nephew dying, it was a serious thing that was almost just swept under the rug as though it was unimportant. Confused me endlessly, I won’t even lie.

Sadly, my favourite bits all featured the original members. Chekov taking command and making nurses of random people made me giggle, though the situation was supposed to be serious. I also could not lend credibility in the Enterprise just leaving Spacedock, magically encountering a problem moments out, yet are able to say that nobody else is close enough to go on ahead and sort it all out. That Enterprise wasn’t even actually ready to leave Spacedock at all, it wasn’t equipped with just about anything, but they are supposed to go ahead and answer distress calls. Mmmmhmmmmm. Sure.

I am, however, a fan of Patrick Stewart, and I did enjoy his character of Picard. I just think that it is a little more difficult when the majority of the crew members are just there for me, and not necessarily people I like. They weren’t people I got involved with at all, and I don’t feel like they contributed anything of value to the story. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a Kirk fan per se, but the rest of the crew from the original films was awesome! I suppose we will see if anything changes and anyone grows on me some more this time around, but I am not so sure.

star trek generations data yes

Kirk’s ultimate write out was just a little… meh. It was embarrassing and fast and not the kind of goodbye you would expect after all this time. I suppose I wanted more. This movie had a really weak premise, a lot of lull, other arb stuff just happening. I think I was just let down because I expected more bang from having the two captains together. That alone had the potential to just be awesome, and it never happened. Oh well, let’s see what the next one brings next week!

the chop

Hi. I don’t know if I am going to take any shit for this or not but… I never really got into this particular franchise… I know this is one of someone’s favorite TV SHOWS, but when this came out I had just turned 16 and was more interested in tooling around town trying to pick things up.1 That never really worked2 so in the end I had to go get a job so I could pay for gas and would sometimes catch these on re-runs late at night when I had come home from doing some underage beer drinking in the parking lot behind work (and failing to make out with anyone)3

So – this being the case – I am not TOO familiar with the TNG universe aside from 26 year old drunken memories of late night TV and having the hots for Marina Sirtis.4

SIRTIS1

Obviously, I’d seen this one because this is the one where Kirk dies5 but I’d only seen it the one time and wasn’t particularly impressed6 but I gave it another shot yesterday and…. yeah, sure…7

sirtis3

I think one of the things that really puts me off of TNG is Jonathan Frakes.8 I just can’t buy into him as a tough leading man. I also really can’t stand Brent Spiner and there was a LOT of Data in this movie.9 I do like the rest of the cast though, minus Whoopie Fucking Goldberg10 and the story was solid, but in the end I just felt like this was OK and, I’m not too familiar with the show but how about some of this:

sirtis2

I might need to check that episode out. Anyway, when I said I was watching this for our big project on twitter, the Nutter11 I linked to earlier said something like “DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY ANYTHING NASTY ABOUT PATRICK STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I said of course I wouldn’t because I love the guy and Jean Luc Picard is a stud. So, I figured it would be appropriate to end this with a little bit of this:

sirtis4

1 Chicks
2 DSB (See: Star Trek 3)
3 IBID
4 DSB Cure-All! (Patent Pending)
5 SPOILER!!!!
6 Not Arsed
7 IBID
8 IBID
9 Emotion Chip Bullshit
10 GROW SOME EYEBROWS WOMAN!!
11 What a Wanker

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek V – The Final Frontier (1989)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Good morning,

Here I am again, writing the intro for this wretched thing. Well – I guess it’s not WRETCHED but it’s not any good. I think everyone was kind of getting too big for their britches after the success of the previous three movies and it showed here. I mean , Kirk climbing El Capitan bare handed??? Uhura nude??? Suddenly Spock has a brother??? GOD???? PUHLEASE. Much like I imagine the emissions that would come from Spock’s anus after he ate those beans McCoy made with whiskey, this one was basically a fart that lingered. Not my favorite. How did I end up with all of the odd ones, JB???? HUH??? HUH??? HUH????????? o_O

star trek the final frontier poster1

SYNOPSIS: When the newly-christened starship Enterprise’s shakedown cruise goes poorly, Captain Kirk and crew put it into Spacedock for repairs. But an urgent mission interrupts their Earth-bound shore leave. A renegade Vulcan named Sybok has taken three consuls hostage on the planet Nimbus III, an event which also attracts the attention of a Klingon captain who wants to make a name for himself. Sybok’s ragtag army captures the Enterprise and takes it on a journey to the center of the galaxy in search of the Supreme Being. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Well, whatever happened here I knew it wasn’t going to be great. I knew that this one was all about the “search for God” and all that, and that doesn’t even really faze me in the least, but this was just a mess. There were so many places that something great could have been done, but instead it wasn’t. What a damn loss this was! Completely and utterly, and this after the immense amounts of (stupid) fun that was The Voyage Home.

Here were something that had the potential to win me over on so many levels but didn’t:

the final frontier sybok nazgul

It should totally have been more like this:

the lord of the rings black riders nazgul

I mean whoop! But instead: dismount Sybok, and the damnation of the film is nigh. I suppose I might also just be having severe Lord of the Rings withdrawals… oh well…

Then, of course, there was the incredible epiphany I reached when looking too closely at the mount – another place that was just weird, and not in the good way:

final frontier sybok unicorn horse

Another thing, I just really, really didn’t like what was cracking with Spock in this one. It got grating and annoying and it got that way quickly. Also, I don’t know if I missed something with Scotty and Uhura, but luckily that doesn’t bug me too much.

What I did like, though, was the way that Scotty didn’t give a damn if they were meeting with God or not, or making history or not. He had one job, one passion: the Enterprise. His consistency is amazing.

Anyhow, The Final Frontier was just lame and bland and silly, and it really could have gone a whole other way. For example, if you look at what Bones did to his father, that scene had all the potential to have a much larger impact. Instead, nothing. There were funny bits, though, such as Sulu and Chekov vacationing and getting lost, faking a blizzard to Uhura. I mean really? Also, Spock’s desire for logic, and Bones’s desperate desire to see Spock just be normal.

I was a pretty big fan of Scotty busting Kirk, Spock, and a very grumpy Bones out of the brig. The morse code? The yelling? All of it worked rather well together.

Also, Kirk confessing the fact he would die alone and that coming up again later should have resonated far, far more than it did, and it just didn’t, unfortunately. Well, not much more to say on this, except that it dragged, then rushed, then just failed at the end of it all. Moving along!

PS: Chop! It’s not like I forced it or anything like that… it’s just… you got the short straw I suppose…

the chop

 

For today’s post, I thought I’d approach this a little differently….


PS: Today’s Star Trek post is a day early because, coming tomorrow, something special will be hosted over on The IPC and it requires centre stage and the spotlight! Keep your eyes peeled!