JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Nemesis (2002)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Well, here we are with the last of the Next Gen movies. There have been some decent entries, and some really meh ones, but aside from that, the whole project has been enjoyable, making even the bland ones tolerable. So… we all know that the Chop is not a Data fan (neither am I) or a supporter of Riker (though that I don’t really get), so how did he feel about this flick that featured a lot of both? Read on to find out what the Chop and I thought about this one!

star trek nemesis poster

SYNOPSIS: Captain Jean-Luc Picard and his crew return to battle a chilling new adversary… that just happens to hold a shocking link to Picard! In the wake of a joyful wedding between William Riker and Deanna Troi, Picard receives another reason to celebrate: the Romulans want peace and the captain will be the Federation’s emissary. But as the Enterprise heads towards Romulus, a brilliant villain awaits–harboring a diabolical plan of destruction and an unimaginable secret that will give Picard his most fearsome challenge. Shinzon, a Romulan-made clone of Picard, wants nothing less than the conquest of the Romulan Empire, the complete destruction of Earth and the death of Captain Picard himself. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty people. First, before I get into this, I just want to lament this for the other ladies. Now, understand, I am one that prefers a more slight guy, I am not into that whole Thor look and all, BUT Tom Hardy just looked ridiculous. I am so glad that he went from this:

star trek nemesis tom hardy

to this:

tom hardy tie

Nevertheless, Hardy’s strange appearance did not detract from the fact that he delivered his character just fine, it’s just that the script could have been so much tighter and entertaining. Nemesis had such an entertaining concept that was (again) squandered.

Anyway, I actually don’t have much to say about this one. It wasn’t great, I wasn’t a fan, it was pretty long, but it did look fantastic, so there is that at the very least. It was predictable and brought nothing new to the table, though it had the potential to do so – why these films decided not to go the successful route with some of their plots is beyond me. I really liked the way this scene came together, and it was another destructive bit for the Enterprise that looked really good.

star trek nemesis remanstar trek nemesis hitting itstar trek nemesis after

There was also the whole Data thing, which I thought was far too convenient. Meh,  not a fan of that. I was happy for Deanna and Riker, but really? The whole way to continue this movie with the honeymoon being lost laced through it?

I did have myself a little giggle though seeing Patrick Stewart having himself a blast in his little toy though.

star trek car thingstar trek nemesis smiling

Anyway, I’m finished now. There really is nothing to say about this at all, so I am going to stop trying to fish things out to say.

BUT I can put some more Hardy in for the ladies…

star trek nemesis hardy and stewart tom hardy dog Variety's 10 Actors To Watch tom hardy reading and smoking tom hardy uniform tom hardy

the chop

First off, I want to say this: Tom Hardy was weird looking when he was young and thin. I remember when I was watching LAYER CAKE (click that if you like) I tweeted those words and some chicks were like “BOOOOOO Isaacs, BOOOOOOO!” and “Go screw yourself, man!!!” and “YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!” but I stand by this. You can even see a few hate filled comments directed at me in the comments section of that post (not really, but still, love you Kidney!) But here we are again and, as much as I like genuinely like the guy, I present:


That’s right. That’s a still from Star Trek: Nemesis. He plays the bad guy in this one. He’s also a clone of Jean Luc. I don’t really remember why he’s a clone of Jean Luc but he is and he wants to destroy the Earth. Oh wait, now I remember, the Remans (Not Romulans) cloned Jean Luc to put him into Star Fleet and infiltrate from within.










Here’s mud in your eye!!




But seriously, I wasn’t too taken with this one either. I will give it credit for having some EXCELLENT special effects and the scene where the Enterprise rams that Romulan ship was pretty fucking EPIC but I think this franchise was running out of steam by the time this came out and, despite how epic that scene was, it was rather gimmicky. I mean, at one point Picard, Data and Whorf are tooling around a desert in a fucking dune buggy like they’re all pro dirt racers and – conveniently, they happen to find Data’s twin brother who is REALLY named B-4. MMM HMMM.  I wonder if they’ll pull out their trump card and kill Data at the end of this and conveniently have a replacement handy?? Yawn. There’s also more singing in this one. What is it with song and dance numbers with The Next Generation???? Oh well, peace out, TNG.

We’ll say goodbye now and give you a really, really tight, elongated hug:


JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Insurrection (1998)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Well, hell. JB and I had a very dramatic, over long and weepy scheduling problem with this post,  so we’re having to post this on an irregular day and both of our OCDs are really acting up. I hope we can make it through this….. ARGH… Anyway – this is the Star Trek with F Murray Abraham and his plastic skin. It’s time for us to present the first ever Zuts True Story Factoid™®!!!

*The skin stretching presented in this movie was, in fact, Abraham’s real skin. At 146 years of age, he was the oldest man to ever star in a Science Fiction Movie, much to the delight of the Prop Department.*

And there you have The Truth!!! Let’s see what JB thought about this thing….

star trek insurrection poster

SYNOPSIS: When the crew of the Enterprise learn of a Federation conspiracy against the inhabitants of a unique planet, Captain Picard begins an open rebellion. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Well… it’s Wednesday, and here’s our latest entry .

gir eye twitch

Scheduling conflicts are a bitch. I think the Chop and I are going to need some counselling after this just to get back to a happy place, but anyways. We are not here to talk about our issues. We are here to talk about what we thought of Insurrection.

Well, Insurrection was disappointing overall. There were very few things that I liked about it, more that I just found boring, but hey! I got to get my Halloween nails ready during this! That makes me happy. 😀

halloween nailss

To be very honest, this plot is so ludicrous is makes The Voyage Home whale plot look like some seriously in depth stuff. Basically, desperate to stop the skin stretching and plastic surgery, the Son’a decide to go to war to take over an amazing planet that will maintain their youth. No more stretchy sessions!

flesh stretching star trek insurrection

Anyway. obviously things would not go their way, and this result in Picard and his people staging a rebellion against the Son’a and the Federation that is backing them. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever…

Then Riker and Deanna were getting all cushy, out of nowhere (I suppose this is another relationship that needed to be seen from the show first), Data wanted to be a kid (always wanting to be something he isn’t), Worf had a seriously bad time with going back to hit puberty, Geordi got his eyes back (his reaction to his first sunrise was beautiful though) and Picard got in touch with his lustier and younger side again. Not only was he dancing, which made me laugh, I then found this gif. Perfection.

picard shake it so

The movie improved more toward the end of it, got a little more, erm… exciting, I guess? The pacing was crappy, the humour wasn’t grand, the plot was flimsy at best and I was not overjoyed with this one. I am actually going to strop trying to say something about this weak entry to the Star Trek franchise…

the chop

This movie is so fucking boring,… I’m going to try something new here….


JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – First Contact (1996)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Alrighty then folks, another Friday, another review, we are moving along with these things! Let me just say that this has been an absolute blast, and you must all keep your eyes peeled for upcoming collaborations 😉 Anyway, we have moved on to our second Star Trek film for the Next Gen lot. So… did we share a collective conscious on this one?

star trek first contact movie poster2

SYNOPSIS: They call themselves the Borg – a half-organic, half-machine collective, with a sole purpose: to assimilate and conquer all races. Led by their seductive and sadistic queen, the Borg are headed to Earth with a devious plan to alter history. After an epic battle against the Borg, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise follow the Borg Sphere back into the 21st century, and must battle the Borg Queen before she assimilates mankind. Meanwhile, Picard and his crew must make sure that Zefram Cochrane makes his historic maiden flight at warp speed, and makes Earth’s first contact. – via IMDBjb star trek


So First Contact is (again) not my favourite in the Next Gen repertoire, but there were some cool things that could have been front and centre but then things just went all over the show and the point was lost. It all starts with this pretty cool sequence of Jean Luc Picard looking all scary and stuff as a Borg. Like super cool. Hopping back into the past, I  must say that the new crew did not succeed in doing so as much as the original crew did in The Voyage Home in terms of laughter and entertainment. However, First Contact did boast the stronger story, that cannot be denied.

star trek picard borg morestar trek picard borgstar trek first contract patrick stewart borg

There were some cool effects, and I was really wishing that I had seen more of the series for the Borg section to resonate with me more, though I didn’t actually have trouble following it. As you can tell from the gifs that I have used and the ones you will see, I was more taken with the Borg aspect of this than whatever the hell was going on down on Earth. I thought that was a bland storyline, and as much as I enjoy James Cromwell, I thought this role was cringeworthy for him.

star trek first contact borg

Data did not work on my absolute last nerve in this one, so yay on that front (sorry Data fans – it has been established that he’s like a knock off Spock – in the movies, at any rate). He was actually quite cool for this story, and fit right in there. However, there was one pretty sketchy scene – I did not want to know that Data had the relevant working sexual component and that he had used it in the past. Dammit. I could have done without that nasty knowledge.

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Those Borg were creepy at the best of times, I thought they looked awesome. They were like crazy weird space zombies *shiver*. I mean just imagine that. Yes, yes I am fascinated with this concept, no two ways about it!

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There were some really cool scenes in here, and I was a fan of them walking all over the Enterprise to mess with the Borg plan and all that, I had fun there. I must say, there were plenty little things that made First Contact way more enjoyable and fun, I just really feel that the Earth aspect was pointless, and the movie would not have suffered for it not being there. Actually, in my opinion, they could almost have written a tighter story for the Borg plan as well as the Enterprise crew’s resistance. But no. Let’s have some dancing alcoholic be the sub plot. Thanks. So much potential.

star trek first contact blowing stuff up

Then let’s not forget my absolute favourite bit of the movie: Picard being all super badass as a thirties-style mobster. I loved the concept, the costumes, and the way the whole scene came together. Hell yeah, it was pretty epic!

patrick stewart machine gun gif2

Anyway, the story was very good (granted that the whole Earth thing was pretty boring for me), and the acting wasn’t too bad. I thoroughly enjoyed the Borg aspect to this (though I am sure that you all noted that throughout my little write up here), and the movie touted some pretty decent effects. I thought the war up on the Enterprise was great, and seeing Picard get all pissy was great, the fights and the lessons he learned. I was so on board with that. Until it went back to Cromwell, who sadly just let me down. Nope, not happy with that bit. Overall, I thought this one came together quite well and I think it’s totally worth watching.

the chop

When I first went and saw this in the theater – I remember coming out of there thinking “GOD DAMN!!! That was a good movie!!” And then I never watched it again. Maybe a little bit here and there but, I just never returned to it. Probably because TNG isn’t my favorite crew. Although I really do like Captain Picard! Frakes and Spiner just grate my last fucking nerve. And this had a lot of Frakes in it. Oh – and Data having sex. Well – not on screen. There’s no machine on machine humping but it’s implied that he gets it on with the Borg Queen. Go, Robot Weenie, GO!!!!

Anyways, I watched this again yesterday and I have to say – well – let’s do this – for ALL of the shit that happens up in space, I give this Five Happy Picards (out of five):



He’s fucking awesome up there! Yelling and shouting and telling Whorf to “GET OFF MY BRIDGE!” and I loved it that he took it on himself to go find a way to remodulate the weapons and “HAND TO HAND COMBAT IF THEY MUST!!!!” and “THE LINE HAS TO BE DRAWN HERE!!!” He was a total badass!

But then, I have to address everything that happens down on Earth. I found all of that shit VERY lame and I give it Two Unamused Picards (out of Five):



I mean, shit! James Cromwell irritated the fuck out of me and  the dancing and will Frakes EVER shut the fuck up and what’s with that stupid hat on Cronwell’s head didn’t The Borg send some Borgs down to the planet where are they and did that Vulcan really drink his rot gut tequila and ugh. Overall – I did enjoy myself but it’s not as good as I remember.

And – because I can:

ANGRYJLPP.S. The Borg Queen is sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy. I would totally – well never mind.

JB & The Chop Do: Star Trek – Generations (1994)

jb and the chop present star trek banner

Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lookie here!! This is my third post in a row to host over here on TSCOABB (pronounced sko-ab for those in the know) (the T is silent). Well, maybe it is, maybe it’s not – I just made that shit up. Now we enter the Next Generation phase and, like I wrote below, these certainly aren’t my favorite movies or crew. I guess I just never really identified with them like I did with original gang. I thought Data was kind of a Spock rip-off and I just never got into Ryker. I wonder if JB liked this?? Let’s see!

star trek generations poster

SYNOPSIS: In the late 23rd century, the gala maiden voyage of the third Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701-B) boasts such luminaries as Pavel Chekov, Montgomery Scott and the legendary Captain James T. Kirk as guests. But the maiden voyage turns to disaster as the unprepared ship is forced to rescue two transport ships from a mysterious energy ribbon. The Enterprise manages to save a handful of the ships’ passengers and barely makes it out intact… but at the cost of Captain Kirk’s life. Seventy-eight years later, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the Enterprise-D find themselves at odds with the renegade scientist Tolian Soran… who is destroying entire star systems. Only one man can help Picard stop Soran’s scheme… and he’s been dead for seventy-eight years. – via IMDB

jb star trek

Alrighty, I am going to be dead honest here: I am not a fan of the Next Gen movies. Sorry people, but it is true. I find them to be… meh… I think a large part of that I am going to blame on Data irritating the absolute hell out of me all the time. Apparently I am seriously in the minority on my opinion there, but I really don’t care. He sucks more often than not! Generations was most certainly a less irritating outing for him though.

star trek generations enterprise

I know that this one is definitely one of the better Next Gen films, but I was still not bowled over by it. It was great to see Scotty, Kirk and Chekov, however briefly, before moving on to the meatier side of things, but I just felt that this was a bit of a missed opportunity. There was so much that just felt rushed, and then other stuff that just took forever to go anywhere. Like Picard’s nephew dying, it was a serious thing that was almost just swept under the rug as though it was unimportant. Confused me endlessly, I won’t even lie.

Sadly, my favourite bits all featured the original members. Chekov taking command and making nurses of random people made me giggle, though the situation was supposed to be serious. I also could not lend credibility in the Enterprise just leaving Spacedock, magically encountering a problem moments out, yet are able to say that nobody else is close enough to go on ahead and sort it all out. That Enterprise wasn’t even actually ready to leave Spacedock at all, it wasn’t equipped with just about anything, but they are supposed to go ahead and answer distress calls. Mmmmhmmmmm. Sure.

I am, however, a fan of Patrick Stewart, and I did enjoy his character of Picard. I just think that it is a little more difficult when the majority of the crew members are just there for me, and not necessarily people I like. They weren’t people I got involved with at all, and I don’t feel like they contributed anything of value to the story. Don’t get me wrong, I was never a Kirk fan per se, but the rest of the crew from the original films was awesome! I suppose we will see if anything changes and anyone grows on me some more this time around, but I am not so sure.

star trek generations data yes

Kirk’s ultimate write out was just a little… meh. It was embarrassing and fast and not the kind of goodbye you would expect after all this time. I suppose I wanted more. This movie had a really weak premise, a lot of lull, other arb stuff just happening. I think I was just let down because I expected more bang from having the two captains together. That alone had the potential to just be awesome, and it never happened. Oh well, let’s see what the next one brings next week!

the chop

Hi. I don’t know if I am going to take any shit for this or not but… I never really got into this particular franchise… I know this is one of someone’s favorite TV SHOWS, but when this came out I had just turned 16 and was more interested in tooling around town trying to pick things up.1 That never really worked2 so in the end I had to go get a job so I could pay for gas and would sometimes catch these on re-runs late at night when I had come home from doing some underage beer drinking in the parking lot behind work (and failing to make out with anyone)3

So – this being the case – I am not TOO familiar with the TNG universe aside from 26 year old drunken memories of late night TV and having the hots for Marina Sirtis.4


Obviously, I’d seen this one because this is the one where Kirk dies5 but I’d only seen it the one time and wasn’t particularly impressed6 but I gave it another shot yesterday and…. yeah, sure…7


I think one of the things that really puts me off of TNG is Jonathan Frakes.8 I just can’t buy into him as a tough leading man. I also really can’t stand Brent Spiner and there was a LOT of Data in this movie.9 I do like the rest of the cast though, minus Whoopie Fucking Goldberg10 and the story was solid, but in the end I just felt like this was OK and, I’m not too familiar with the show but how about some of this:


I might need to check that episode out. Anyway, when I said I was watching this for our big project on twitter, the Nutter11 I linked to earlier said something like “DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY ANYTHING NASTY ABOUT PATRICK STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I said of course I wouldn’t because I love the guy and Jean Luc Picard is a stud. So, I figured it would be appropriate to end this with a little bit of this:


1 Chicks
2 DSB (See: Star Trek 3)
4 DSB Cure-All! (Patent Pending)
6 Not Arsed
9 Emotion Chip Bullshit
11 What a Wanker