JB & The Chop Do: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

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Another Elm Street flick! Can you believe it?! Yeah, sure! While it must be said, the last few have been particularly bad, it looks like there might just be some light on the horizon here! It seems the Freddy canon was still not ready to give up the ghost, even after all the flops before it.

WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE POSTER

SYNOPSIS: It’s nearing the 10th Anniversary of the film ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ and one of the stars, Heather Langenkamp is being scared by a voice on a phone, sounding very similar to the film’s villain, Freddy Krueger. When Heather’s husband is killed in a car accident and is discovered with slash marks on him, Heather starts to wonder something. Especially when she discovers that Wes Craven is writing another ‘Nightmare’ film. Soon, she realizes that Freddy has now entered the real world, and the only way to defeat him is to become Nancy Thompson once again. – via IMDB

JB

After the last two films that were pretty darn dreadful, things had to start looking up, and truly, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare delivered on that front, though certainly not without flaws.  This Elm Street entry is definitely the biggest standout for me when growing up, purely because it was on TV all the time when I was a kid.

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The plot is significantly changed up, which is a good thing for this. Freddy is now fighting to come into the real world, no longer content where he was. Who else, naturally, to bring him in but Heather Langenkamp, who played Nancy Thompson, the girl who beat him? So this is how it was going to be, but could the studio pull it off without the super flop the last ones were?

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The answer is yes, mostly. New Nightmare is incredibly gimmicky, but it works in some strange way, though there are some icky flaws that are just not on. It is not inundated with cheese (too often), like the last few predecessors, and has a darker and more serious tone. However, what did not work for this film at all was the length. It was far too long and self-indulgent on Craven’s behalf, and could have easily been twenty minutes shorter as well as featured less of the director himself. Just saying. What I did like was seeing Robert Englund being himself then slipping away, though more time could really have been invested in watching his descent into the madness that births Freddy Krueger, and I liked Julie, though I feel she got too little screen time in this crazy long movie.

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I was not a fan of Freddy’s new makeup or his permanent wearing of a trench coat or his new clothes so much, though the trench did make him look darker. I was a big fan of his boots and what not, very badass, very cool.

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Yep… issues and all this was not a bad watch, especially when you compare it to the last few we have had to suffer through, like oh my gosh. I liked it for the most part, but I was so not a fan of the excessive length, that really was a killer for me.

The chop

Let’s start this off by saying that I liked this movie – I did – it was a fucking miracle compared to the last one. But I also need to make sure I mention that there are things I didn’t like about it.  I don’t ever care if a movie is about making a movie – as long as it’s good – but I always find it risky to let the director give himself too much face time – because he could come off as a pretentious asshole. I don’t know if Craven pulled that off here but he had a lot of screen time. Too much for me, but that’s just me, a dumb, old Chop. I can’t remember – did he have a ponytail in this? It was the 90s so ponytails on men were en vogue but I always thought ponytails on me were particularly not fashionable. Sorry Brian. Pretentious ponytailed assholes.

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I honestly can’t remember if Craven is MAKING a new Nightmare movie in this or if he was just the writer but someone’s making a new Nightmare movie and Heather Langenkamp is requested to reprise her role from the 1st and 3rd movies. I think she’s hesitant about it but her husband is working on it and strange things start to happen – IN THE FORM OF MURDER!!!!!!!! eventually – Langenkamp does her best Nancy Drew sleuthing and figures out Fred Krueger is coming to life and everyone thinks she’s batshit – UNTIL MORE MURDERS HAPPEN!!!!!!! While I think this movie was much better than the last two – and Kruger is once again NOT a wise-cracking anus – some suspect shit happens – like when he’s some sort of god in the clouds and lifts Langenkamp’s kid across a busy highway.

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Anyway – remember this????

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Heather!!! Don’t look now!!!!! DUM DUM DUM TA DUM!!!!!

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SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!

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I also didn’t really care for the new make-up or the new hat or the new sweater but I did like the character of Julie:

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Her scene, which JB has in black and white above, was actually pretty cool – and quite bloody. I’m glad they got away from the campiness of the franchise and tried to make a good horror movie again. Some people probably won’t get this but I think – while I liked this thing – it suffers from being way too 90s. Parachute pants, John Lennon sunglasses, men with ponytails, women with shoulder pads in their business jackets, shit music, etc. Oh – and too much of this:

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Did I mention this??

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Oh well – despite some minor irritants, this one wasn’t too bad but it’s a MIRACLE compared to the last one.

Love,

The Chop

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(speaking of assholes!!)

JB & The Chop Do: A Nightmare On Elm Street 2 – Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

a nightmare on elm street2

Jeez – just look at that poster… I like how the knives from the glove are as big as that girl’s back. Also – what’s with the bird? I don’t remember anything about a bird. Did I miss something?? Is that a can of shaving cream? Is he going to shave her back with those knives?? HMMMMMMMMMMM – this movie was pretty good – not quite as good as the first but it did have some good looking special effects. And Clu Gulager. I don’t think you can ever go wrong with a little Clu Gulager sprinkled in your movie. But, I am curious – how is this “Freddy’s Revenge”? Isn’t that his whole M.O.? Getting “revenge” for getting burned alive before the first movie?? Curious…. Anyway – let’s see what the wonderful JB has in store for us!

Nightmare On Elm Street 2 Freddy's Revenge Poster

SYNOPSIS: A new family moves into the house on Elm Street, and before long, the kids are again having nightmares about deceased child murderer Freddy Krueger. This time, Freddy attempts to possess a teenage boy to cause havoc in the real world, and can only be overcome if the boy’s sweetheart can master her fear. – via IMDB

The chop

When I watched the first one again after so many years, I kind of liked it so I was looking forward to this. After the sketchy opening act where Robert Englund is a school bus driver who drives three people into what I can only guess is Hell (O _  o) (I thought Freddy was a child murderer?? Now he’s connected to Hell???) we see this teen of unknown name waking screaming from his nightmare, covered in sweat (or piss) who gets out of bed and adjusts his considerable junk (or puts a tennis ball in his underwear for the scene in question).  I mean, nice sack, high school student! You’ve been taking your vitamins, I see.

#nightmareonelmstreetunderpants

nightmare on elm street underpants

Soon after that our new title character heads off to high school in his old beater convertible, macks on a relatively cute chick (at the bottom of my section here) and heads out for baseball practice. I did note that at this high school they have at least three extra curricular programs: baseball, cheerleading and archery!! (which is not included in this clip). Anyway, whatshisface is making eyes at his cheerleader girlfriend, probably thinking about flopping his mighty balls against her nether regions when he gets popped in the head with a line drive. The head above his shoulders, that is. Soon, he and the dude from Weird Science are exchanging words and Weird Science guy yanks down his sweats and they have a bare-ass wrestle out by second base. Suggestive Male Genitalia or Buttocks Count: 2

nightmare on elm street 2 bum wrestling

Later – or the next day or something, he wants to go out with his comely girlfriend but his mom makes him go unpack his shit so he pops on a shitty hat, some shitty sunglasses, cranks up his record player and does some boogie woogieing all night long. Well, maybe not all night long but at least for the duration of the song which I think, looking at the soundtrack, is called “Touch Me (All Night Long)” because when his girlfriend shows up unannounced and busts into his room with his mom, he seems to be playing with himself *or something. AWKWARD!!!! Suggestive Male Genitalia or Buttocks Count: 3

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As we continue doing what we do, Fred Krueger possesses our young, endowed teen male and sends him to the local gay bar to find the high school baseball coach for a reason I can’t remember. There, the teenager is served beer without an I.D. and runs across his, apparently, homosexual baseball coach – dress in chains and a leather vest who takes him back to the high school to take a shower. While he’s showering, the coach is stripped and chained to a shower head where…… get this….. seriously…. he gets spanked to death. Actually – I’m not 100% positive that he gets SPANKED to death, but he gets some spankings, chapping his ass raw and eventually dies. It’s been a little bit since I’ve seen this and, after watching five of these in a row, some of the kills get silly and a little forgetful. Suggestive Male Genitalia or Buttocks Count: 4

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Eventually our  man makes it to his girlfriend’s pool party and, after doing some moping as all teenagers do, they start to Make It in the poolside cabana. So, while he is pleasuring our lady’s cleavage and she’s enjoying some tongue originated ecstasy, this happens:

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Being a guy who doesn’t like to use spell check as a matter of principal, I really don’t want to admit how many times it took me to spell tongue correctly the first time… Anyway, after this display of man and woman affection, our lead runs away crying and goes to the dude from Weird Science’s house and ask if he can sleep with him. Not necessarily to DO It with him Sleep With Him but asks if he can go to sleep in Weird Science’s chair and Weird Science will watch him sleep. o _ O MMMKay. Then this happens:

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All in all this movie was kind of silly but I actually enjoyed it. Having seen six of these things now, I can tell you, Good Reader, that this is a BILLION times better than Freddy’s Dead. I don’t even think anyone fucking tried with Freddy’s Dead. It was almost like the people involved didn’t WANT to make that installment. I mean, a guy almost get’s killed by a fucking road map, of all things. And Tom Arnold and Rosanne are in it, back when they were both highly overweight and married. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK that shit.

But yeah – this one was good clean fun.

JB

Alrighty, Freddy’s Revenge. huh. Well, who knew. We are introduced to a relatively cute 80s kid who screams like a little bitch, but when Freddy’s after you, I suppose one can be forgiven for that. Anyway, the whole toot here is that Jesse has the body, and Freddy has the brains, and he wants Jesse’s beef, and is willing to do anything for it.

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Considering what a strong and bold start the predecessor was, Freddy’s Revenge doesn’t quite stack up. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty cool scenes, and the concept was different, it was more original than many of the movies that follow. It just doesn’t stick with you as long after the fact as the first. It’s still more solid than some of the later films, and is overall a decent ride.

It explored a little more of a darker nature, what with a kid confused about his sexuality (I took that from the film), and a seriously sketchy gym teacher (because really… sweaty young, naked men and leather bars). There was a really dodgy scene (and I should have thought this through before I told the Chop that I liked the scene) – the shower scene. Yes, there was some sketchy S&M stuff initially, but what I liked was Freddy pitching and all that coming apart at the seams to show Jesse his claws and the blood and his terror and femme scream about where he was in the whole scenario.

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It delved into some cheese later, when Freddy pitched up at a pool party, but takes a darker turn after that. I really enjoyed Mark Patton in here – he carried the role pretty well. Robert Englund, of course, was fantastic as the striped sweater claw master, and I think he is the best Freddy Krueger we will ever have. Freddy’s Revenge didn’t veer off into a lot of one liners and the comedic streak the Nightmare on Elm Street film eventually turned to, which is something that counts for it.

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Freddy’s Revenge is also not a long film, so it’s a quick watch in between things that has some great moments, as well as some terrible ones. A lot of people have some severe issues with this film, but I don’t really think this film is as awful as people paint it to be, though it is certainly not its predecessor.

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A nightmarish box set

So for Christmas I finally got the A Nightmare On Elm Street collection from my boyfriend, Ricky, and I am thrilled. I love it! This is really old school, B-movie horror. The amount of cheese in it actually tends to just rectify it all and make it brilliant.

Nightmare on Elm Street DVD Box SetSoon, my friends, there will be extensive reviews on all seven of them included in the box set… for now, I am savouring it!