The Sporadic Chronicles

“Sometimes you have to lose yourself ‘fore you can find anything.”
– Lewis

SYNOPSIS: Intent on seeing the Cahulawassee River before it’s turned into one huge lake, outdoor fanatic Lewis Medlock takes his friends on a river-rafting trip they’ll never forget into the dangerous American back-country. – via IMDB

FUCK THIS FUCKING MOVIE. I bitterly regret having put this on my Blind Spot list – just to completely appreciate all the Deliverance references you see peppered everywhere all the time. Well, let me tell you, fuck this thing. I wish my brother-in-law had done me a zero graphic – I really should have asked him for one when I got him to pull together my score cards. Ugh. This thing should even go into the negatives. I am sure that this opening paragraph tells you all you need to know about how I felt about this pile of shit.

How the fucking fuck did this shitstorm end up with ratings like this?! Why?! Copious amounts of drugs is the only real answer I can think of

Anyway, there is nothing to like about this movie. It is shot terribly and accompanied by some absolutely godawful awful sound, making it a real chore to sit through. Then let us not forget how damn slow it is. Like oh… my… gosh. My attention was wandering all the time, and I am usually a really attentive watcher. For minutes on end you watch a man be raped, a man climb a cliff, men canoeing, men having the same argument, a man lining up a shot for a deer… like seriously. Not like it served a purpose other than to irritate the crap out of me. Let’s double back for a second to that rape scene – so out of the blue and so unnecessary. Ugh. WHY?

Speaking of irritating, Burt Reynolds’s Lewis is a Class A twatbag. It took me three sittings to get through this movie. Lewis was hands down one of the most offensive characters ever. I desperately wanted to see some hillbilly take him down, really. I had to settle for him going through what must have been ungodly pain with a shattered leg and dumped in a canoe in the rapids. I call that karma, you dweeb. Kry vir jou, as we would say in Afrikaans. Now that I have raged about him, I just want to add that all the characters were forgettable and flimsy, but Lewis was an asshat of note and that is why he is the most offensive.

So all in all, my opinion is fuck Deliverance. It was hands down one of the worst movies I have wasted my time on and is one of the most deserving movies of all time for that Shitfest status. If you have seen it, I feel for you (whether you liked it or not), and if you haven’t, avoid this fetid skunk of a movie. Run for the hills. Stay away. AVOID.