Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and feel like something’s just wrong? Do you feel like someone is under the bed or hiding behind your morning robe that’s hanging on the wall next to your dresser?? Do you feel the cold stare of dead eyes wanting to defile your warm body under the sheets?? I rarely get solid sleep so I know these feelings and I know who’s causing them. I know he’s there, waiting, watching, wanting. Today I present to you, Good Readers: The Top Ten Things I Think Luke Abbott Does When He Gets Off Work:

10. PREYS ON THE WEAK AND THE ELDERLY

LUKA1

9. GIVES HIMSELF A GOLDEN SHOWER

LUKA2

8. USES PUBLIC ACCESS TV TO FURIOUSLY DEBATE THE RIGHTS OF GHOSTS AND SPECTERS

luka3

7. PLUCKS ALL OF THE PUBIC HAIRS OFF OF HIS SKIN AND SECRETLY MAILS THEM TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND

L4

6. THROWS POTATOES AT THE IRISH.

L5

5. PROWLS ANY PARTICULAR ENGLISH VILLAGE, STEALING WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR SO HE CAN WASH AND RETURN THEM.

L6

4. WATCHES BILLY ZANE MOVIES.

L7

3. PUTS A PICTURE OF TILDA SWINTON ON HIS MIRROR AND FANTASIZES THAT HE IS HER.

L8

2. MAKES RANDOM TELEPHONE CALLS AND RECITES NURSERY RHYMES WHILE HE BEATS HIS MEAT.

L9

1. DREAMS OF CUDDLING AND SPOONING THE IPC.

L10

30 thoughts on “TOP TEN THINGS I THINK LUKE ABBOTT DOES WHEN HE GETS OFF WORK

  1. Natasha says:

    That Luke. Can’t trust him with anything!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. theipc says:

      Kidney!!

      He’s an underwear washing machine!

      Pappy!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. vinnieh says:

    So funny Zoe, can’t stop laughing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. vinnieh says:

    I meant to say Zoe and Eric in the comment above, you two always make me laugh when I’m on the blogopshere.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. theipc says:

      We do try!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. vinnieh says:

        And the results are excellent.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. That is one full day of shady shenanigans! And some beautiful illustrations.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. theipc says:

      Anna! Isn’t that artwork just brilliant?? It should be in a museum.

      #museumies

      Like

      1. Someone send this shiz to the Smithsonian!
        #smithies

        Like

  5. lukebbtt says:

    How dare you! I would NEVER watch a Billy Zane movie!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. theipc says:

      I call bullshit on that!!!!

      #orlando

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Smash says:

    These pictures are spectacular! I think my favourite is the one of Luke beating his meat on the telephone. He just looks so happy. And that one lone curly hair amidst all the other straight hairs on top of his head… haha.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. theipc says:

      HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Smash you crack me up!

      Like

    1. theipc says:

      Thank you, sir!

      Like

  7. Abbi says:

    I really, really hope he is doing no 7. I also think the woman in no 5 looks like she is getting cold!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. theipc says:

      Oh he is – he’s just too shy to come out here and say it…. as to that girl – I paid her a lot of money to pose for that shot but we kept it very professional….

      Like

  8. Ryan says:

    This is disturbing, yet very awesome. Good job.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. theipc says:

      Thanks slut!!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. emmakwall says:

    I missed this yesterday but so glad I found it today! HA! 😀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. theipc says:

      WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

      #bloomers

      Liked by 1 person

  10. V says:

    Luke threw a potato at me once. But I was so honoured that I kept it and took it home to Dublin and I watch mooovies with it on my sofa. He’s called Tayto-Luke and he enjoys the lilting musical stylings of The Corrs.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. theipc says:

      LOL!!! HEY!! Silver linings!!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Zoë says:

      Tayto-Luke?! Oh my goodness, that’s just… it’s… perfect! LOL!

      Liked by 2 people

    3. lukebbtt says:

      I need to use this in my next parody article!!!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. table9mutant says:

    Sounds about right!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. theipc says:

      #goldenshowers

      Liked by 1 person

  12. caragale says:

    Looooollllll. Omigosh, You two are the craziest. I really want to get you in a room together and just see what happens. You know, as long as it didn’t involve that spooning… 😉 Also, I cracked up way too much at “Go back to Dublin, you snake eating devils.” So. Funny.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. theipc says:

      I think if Luke and I were in a room together it would probably be the first night of the apocalypse…. and some serious spooning…………………..

      #spooning
      #itspoons

      Liked by 1 person

      1. caragale says:

        #itspoons!!!! Hahahahahahahaha.

        Liked by 1 person

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