Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and feel like something’s just wrong? Do you feel like someone is under the bed or hiding behind your morning robe that’s hanging on the wall next to your dresser?? Do you feel the cold stare of dead eyes wanting to defile your warm body under the sheets?? I rarely get solid sleep so I know these feelings and I know who’s causing them. I know he’s there, waiting, watching, wanting. Today I present to you, Good Readers: The Top Ten Things I Think Luke Abbott Does When He Gets Off Work:
10. PREYS ON THE WEAK AND THE ELDERLY
9. GIVES HIMSELF A GOLDEN SHOWER
8. USES PUBLIC ACCESS TV TO FURIOUSLY DEBATE THE RIGHTS OF GHOSTS AND SPECTERS
7. PLUCKS ALL OF THE PUBIC HAIRS OFF OF HIS SKIN AND SECRETLY MAILS THEM TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND
6. THROWS POTATOES AT THE IRISH.
5. PROWLS ANY PARTICULAR ENGLISH VILLAGE, STEALING WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR SO HE CAN WASH AND RETURN THEM.
4. WATCHES BILLY ZANE MOVIES.
3. PUTS A PICTURE OF TILDA SWINTON ON HIS MIRROR AND FANTASIZES THAT HE IS HER.
2. MAKES RANDOM TELEPHONE CALLS AND RECITES NURSERY RHYMES WHILE HE BEATS HIS MEAT.
1. DREAMS OF CUDDLING AND SPOONING THE IPC.
That Luke. Can’t trust him with anything!
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Kidney!!
He’s an underwear washing machine!
Pappy!
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So funny Zoe, can’t stop laughing.
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I meant to say Zoe and Eric in the comment above, you two always make me laugh when I’m on the blogopshere.
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We do try!
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And the results are excellent.
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That is one full day of shady shenanigans! And some beautiful illustrations.
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Anna! Isn’t that artwork just brilliant?? It should be in a museum.
#museumies
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Someone send this shiz to the Smithsonian!
#smithies
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How dare you! I would NEVER watch a Billy Zane movie!
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I call bullshit on that!!!!
#orlando
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These pictures are spectacular! I think my favourite is the one of Luke beating his meat on the telephone. He just looks so happy. And that one lone curly hair amidst all the other straight hairs on top of his head… haha.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Smash you crack me up!
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hilarious!
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Thank you, sir!
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I really, really hope he is doing no 7. I also think the woman in no 5 looks like she is getting cold!
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Oh he is – he’s just too shy to come out here and say it…. as to that girl – I paid her a lot of money to pose for that shot but we kept it very professional….
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This is disturbing, yet very awesome. Good job.
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Thanks slut!!
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I missed this yesterday but so glad I found it today! HA! 😀
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WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
#bloomers
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Luke threw a potato at me once. But I was so honoured that I kept it and took it home to Dublin and I watch mooovies with it on my sofa. He’s called Tayto-Luke and he enjoys the lilting musical stylings of The Corrs.
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LOL!!! HEY!! Silver linings!!
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Tayto-Luke?! Oh my goodness, that’s just… it’s… perfect! LOL!
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I need to use this in my next parody article!!!
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Sounds about right!!!
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#goldenshowers
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Looooollllll. Omigosh, You two are the craziest. I really want to get you in a room together and just see what happens. You know, as long as it didn’t involve that spooning… 😉 Also, I cracked up way too much at “Go back to Dublin, you snake eating devils.” So. Funny.
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I think if Luke and I were in a room together it would probably be the first night of the apocalypse…. and some serious spooning…………………..
#spooning
#itspoons
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#itspoons!!!! Hahahahahahahaha.
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