The Sporadic Chronicles

Here we are again, Zutsonians! The second to last one…. it’s sad that this will be coming to an end soon but ——————– do we have anything in store next???? You’ll have to keep tuning in here to find out!!! Here’s a teaser: yes we do! I believe Zoë is doing these out of her own free will but I know I just LOVE our projects ❤ ❤ <3!

So…. yeah……….. Freddy vs Jason – I would like to say that this was my favorite of the bunch but I don’t think it beats the first – or even the second maybe, for that matter. This was definitely more modern and sleek and VERY bloody but I am more of a Jason guy and seeing Fred turn him into a crying baby for a few minutes was kind of off-putting. I also thought the end was WAY too drawn out and could have been cut down a little – I mean – it was almost ridiculous AND (maybe I’m being a dick) but isn’t Fred Krueger a human when he’s not in Hell or whatever? No human being could take the kind of beating he takes from Jason and still keep swinging. Oh well, I definitely didn’t hate it or anything and Katherine Isabelle!!! SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH!!!!! GROPE GROPE GROPE!!! Let’s see what we’ve got here….

SYNOPSIS: It’s been nearly ten years since Freddy Krueger terrorized people in the dreams, and the towns folk want to keep him erased from their memory. Freddy still has one more plan on getting back to Elm Street. He resurrects Jason Voorhees and sends him off to kill. The more bodies which fall to the ground, the stronger in which Freddy becomes. This is until, Freddy realizes that Jason isn’t going to step aside easily, and must be taken down himself. – via IMDB

So Fred is in hell and – aw snap – everyone in the town where Elm Street is has forgotten about him and he’s real sore about it. So he decides to resurrect Jason Voorhees to help stir the pot a little while he creeps back into peoples dreams comes back to life as a real human being capable of slicing up John Ritter’s kid and a bunch of stoners. There’s also a rave in a cornfield and something to do with some sleep studies and Monica Keena:

Keena is there to represent, I believe, the sensuality found in nature – the physical embodiment of what Fred Krueger failed to achieve in his life – a blending of the purest form of love found only in drea – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat:

Where was I?? Sorry about that. Kruger and his buddy Voorhees decide to have a strip poker party and invite Keena as the entertainment. She works the stripper pole for an hour and a half and leaves with The Chop to do some private entertaining in the Champagne Room where touching is allowed and because she likes him so much it’s Pro Fucking Gratis. Three hours go by and –

SHIT!! Sorry about that!! My mind must have wandered hahhahahahaha! So at that Rave I was talking about, Keena and The Chop do just a little Ecstasy and slip off into the cornfields to rub each other’s backs and shoulders and give back and thigh massages and maybe even do a little kissing and petting and then end up stark naked and examining each other #ForScience #Research #Studies #Doctorate #Professor

Sweet Jesus, what’s going on here today???? Did someone turn up the heater in this building or something? Someone might need to hose me down with some cold water or something….

So I’m sitting here in my office writing this piece and Keena shows up and asks me if I like her shirt. I tell her it looks pretty good but she better take it off so I can inspect the fabric, you know – to see how soft it is. I wouldn’t want it to be abrasive or anything. I have nothing but her breasts best interests in mind, so she takes it off and hands it over to me and I sniff it real good and hide it in my file cabinet for safe keeping and lock my office door and we start to 

Like I was saying, Krueger is back and wants to start killing again and then he and Jason have a big fight to the death! YAY!!!!! WHOOP!!!!!! HUZZAH!!!! GO GO BUFFALO!!!!

You’ll have to excuse me for a few minutes. I need to get some air.

Alright, so I have a crazy soft spot for Freddy vs Jason, I have an absolute blast with it all the time. It was cheesy, it was fast, it was so painfully clichéd in some places and all that, but it was just totally worth looking into. It was just one of those mash-ups that worked in so many ways. I am not usually a fan of these things, but this one was just what it needed to be, and it came together well.

Freddy vs Jason is certainly more of a Freddy Krueger movie for me, as it seemed he was the one with the biggest plot and also seen as the most dangerous villain. I thought that Ken Kirzinger did a damn fine job as Jason, and he was just one hulking monster taking people out all the time, and I was totally alright with that (who knows, one of these days we might look at all the crazy films that belong to the Friday the 13th canon). Robert Englund simply owned as Freddy Krueger (again – as if we expected anything else).

One of the best things about this movie is the fight scenes. I thought they were well done, action packed and just a little dodgy at times… in the very best way, of course! There were syringes, machetes, air canister missile things, Freddy’s glove, fire, water, everything. Outrageous to boot but awesome!

Something I must admit – there are a lot of boobs in this one. Not necessarily open, out there on display boobs, but holy crapsticks, I think the lead was cast purely on what she looked liked when squeezing her bust into an itty-bitty shirt. I am sure that was just awesome for the male viewers, really.

I enjoyed the premise, and Ronny Yu did a great job directing this. He managed to fuse the two universes successfully (in my opinion). The pacing was fine, the plot was better than most we have seen in the Krueger canon at the end (though the same can be said of Jason’s films), and the soundtrack worked for it. Also, some Katharine Isabelle for those of you who are interested.  You can’t really go wrong with Freddy vs Jason for a thriller/horror/action type thing, and there were some great throwbacks to both the franchises. I know that this movie isn’t the most popular, but I totally think it is deserving of some love.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤