Alright, so Michael over at Screenkicker Movies naturally had to go and break the rules completely and submitted me a list of his top eight crushes here to be hosted. I have no issues, a list is a list! I bumped him up a little and out of the Friday thing seeing as his subject matter is something that got rather popular on the blogs around here for a while. Mikey runs an awesome site that features a few things concerning movies and television and what not, and it is always an entertaining read, so enough of my babbling, let me step aside so that you can all have a look see at what he has to bring to the table!
Should you be interested in submitting a Top Ten list, draw up a list of either your top ten personal favourite movies or a top ten list by a specific genre/theme and send it along to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Hope to see a few more lists!
Over the last few weeks I’ve been noticing some of my blogging buddies publishing their lists of their top movie crushes. Zoë and T9M predictably had entire lists of male characters so I thought it would be interesting getting a hotness list from a typical male. That was the plan, however, after reading my list back I realise I’m not a typical male but a borderline sexual deviant. My list is made up of the following traditionally sexy traits as convicted child murderers, robots, hideous witch/dragon things, librarians, and accountants. So if you’re any of these or even better a combination of all of them then get in touch! Read on if you dare.
Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) – Casino Royale
Eva Green as the ridiculously named Vesper Lynd is an accountant by trade yet she somehow makes the least sexy job in the world seem appealing. She also has an aura of vulnerability and she looks super hot. Too bad she went and got drowned. I have a joke do to with ‘Vesper’ being a type of scooter but I’ll spare Zoë’s young ears from it.
Tina (Cameron Diaz) – The Mask
This list is really hard to do without descending into childish smut so please try not to giggle when you read the next line. Cameron Diaz’s Tina is soaking wet when we first see her. And it’s extremely memorable. The fact that loser bank employee Stanley Ipkiss bags her (I said ‘bags’ you dirty bastards) gave many nerdy guys hope for their love lives.
Grendel’s Mother (Angelina Jolie) – Beowulf
Angela Jolie’s sexiest role is one where she is completely computer animated. She also has a tail and turns into a giant fire-breathing monster giving her a quirkiness that is very attractive. Being the original MILF she’s also a loving mother of her hideously disfigured son, and isn’t that the most important aspect of a potential partner? No, it isn’t, but she had me with her gold painted boobs.
Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach) – The Spy Who Loved Me
The second Bond girl on the list, Agent XXX (subtle!) is a Russian spy who is more than a match for Bond himself. She kicks tonnes of ass. Sadly I have to live with the hideous facts that she smooches Roger Moore and married Ringo Starr. Such a waste.
Geum-ja Lee (Yeong-ae Lee) – Lady Vengeance
Yeong-ae Lee plays Geum-ja Lee a woman who spends years in prison for allegedly murdering a load of kids. Hey, come back, I haven’t finished! When she is released she sets out to find the real killer so she’s OK in my book. The film is by Oldboy and Stoker director Chan-wook Park and is really good. Also check out the sexy posters for it.
Amber Heard – ?????
I’ll confess I haven’t seen any films with Amber Heard in them. So why is she on the list? Check my internet browser history and get back to me.
Carolina (Salma Hayek) – Desperado
Many would have chosen Hayek’s performance in From Dusk Til Dawn but that seemed too obvious a choice for a weirdo like me. Instead I’ve picked Carolina from Desperado. Carolina is a massively boobed librarian which we all know is up there with nurse as ‘sexy in your head but not so much in real life’ profession. She spends most of the movie running at the camera utilising said massive boobs to spectacular effect.
E.V.E – Wall.E
The only robot on the list, E.V.E appeals to the tech nerd in me, all sleek and advanced with gorgeous blue eyes and a fine ass. Yeah I know she’s an android from a kids animation and doesn’t talk much but there’s still something about her. Would be hard to keep her clean but I’d have a lot of sexy fun trying. Damn, I think I’ve finally lost it.