The Potter Perceptions: The Chamber of Secrets (2002)

harry potter and the chamber of secrets

The second installment approached and took Eric and I a while to get to, but eventually we were all there and it was done. Then our little project started to gain some momentum, and we jumped at getting so much more together than we initially anticipated. However, Eric was still not completely sold on the entire Potter expedition, and neither was I, even though I suggested it. Oh well, we were in it for the long haul now!

chamber

Here we are again and I just sat through the four and a half hours of this thing and I guess I liked it ok – I liked it better than the first but that’s not really saying much since, basically, I only didn’t HATE the first one. The first third – or two hours – was really filled with a lot of melodrama that was irritating me to the point of harming myself and then it kind of picked up a little when everyone started getting petrified but then – then WHAT THE FUCK????

FUCKING SPIDERS!!! ZILLIONS OF THEM!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! GIANT ONES!!! ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!! I almost fainted…..

So there’s thirty minutes of this movie that I didn’t watch… after all of that unfortunate business, I thought the last act (well – the part down in the chamber of secrets – because there’s another 45 minutes after that of this one character getting some fucking socks) was pretty strong, well, except for the bird crying. That was kind of lame.  Overall I would say this was decent enough – minus the spiders and the guy throwing up leeches. And the bird crying. And the whole socks bit. For some reason I am actually kind of excited about the next one – it’s directed by the guy who did Gravity!!

2

The good:

  • Alan Rickman still entertains me no end as Severus Snape. He really has that character down, and never ceases to be mean and menacing.
  • Kenneth Branagh as Gilderoy Lockhart. He really got into that role, and was deadly vain and irritating, though they really could have done more with it all.
  • Dobby. He looked really good, and the high pitched voice was brilliant, too. Just to see him brought to screen was pretty awesome, though the effects themselves were a bit questionable.
  • The Ford Anglia. Colour spot on, its attitude towards Harry and Ron was just perfect.
  • The Burrow. It is pretty well done.
  • Chamber of Secrets door. No matter that the effects were dubious, the concept of a circling snake making others retract was interesting.
  • Godric Gryffindor’s sword. It was pretty hardcore, though a little flimsy looking if we are going to be dead honest.

The bad:

  • Peeves. Still no Peeves? Is he never coming? No. What a loss, he was actually really interesting and exceptionally entertaining.
  • No Valentine’s Day. Lockhart made it dreadful, but there was so much humour surrounding it, and it was actually key to the story. Ginny’s infatuation with Harry is revealed, as well as Riddle’s diary drinking up all the ink.
  • Flying to Hogwarts (in the Ford Anglia). It was just absurd is all.
  • Progression of the storyline. Nowhere do they start with all the hints that will eventually lead you to Voldemort being the one to rise from the diary, or that Ginny suspected long in advance that there would be a problem. Nowhere does it speak of the rooster attacks really or anything. Also, there were so many things that were just changed around and it was not cool.
  • No warning from the Ministry of Magic. When the pudding shattered at the Dursleys’, it was supposed to be in the kitchen, and an owl was supposed to deliver a warning to Harry about not being able to use magic outside of school in front of Muggles, making things really bad for him with the Dursleys.
  • Quidditch. It still sucks on screen.
  • Mudblood. The film managed to completely lose sight of how incredibly insulting and demeaning the term Mudblood is, it lacked the power it was supposed to convey in the film.
  • Dumbledore leaving Hogwarts. It wasn’t really explained well, the never being gone unless no one there is still loyal to him and what not, then it is randomly quoted later with absolutely zero impact.
  • Most of the fight between Harry and Voldemort in the Chamber of Secrets… Gryffindor’s sword cannot just be yanked out, as it was in the movie, Harry had to have the Sorting Hat on, and it damn near should have knocked him out. Riddle was supposed to mock Harry while he was dying, not be gone already…
  • The basilisk. I just want to say this. WTF?! It looks like a Godzilla head Photoshopped onto a snake’s body. It was nowhere near serpentine enough, and that was dreadful. I just… no. Just absolutely not.

Two down, six to go. It seems like such a mad amount to get through, but I have done it before, I can do it again!

29 thoughts on “The Potter Perceptions: The Chamber of Secrets (2002)

    1. Teehee, very much a long and painful journey ahead for me. Plus I lost my notes on one of them and will have to watch it again ;( So not happy about it, I thought I was almost home free!

      Wait now! They can be so epic (Lord of the Rings the leading example here). 😛

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      1. bleghh.. I don’t like those ones either!! But I do have a hard time letting my fantastical imagination run wild, so that might be my problem. 😛

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      1. Hehehehe, I shall take all this under advisement. I know you read them all, so that sort of changes the way you look at them. Maybe I am way too much of a stickler. We shall see. Lots more of these to come up and continue. Eric is likely kicking himself haha!

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  1. Oh shit dude, you probably should have been given some warning about the spiders… Although, maybe if you’d been warned you wouldn’t have stuck it out.

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      1. Hehe – Eric’s fear of spiders is so sweet. He can watch the nastiest films imaginable but screams if he sees a little spider. 😉 (But I agree – spiders are horrible things!). I don’t remember this film very well other than thinking it was really weak. I liked the book quite a bit, though. Another great job here, guys. 🙂

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      2. Let me set this up for you:

        A red headed only child, alone and sad. One day his mom gets married and his new pops buys a big house with hit oil money in a fancy new development on the rich side of town. On a fateful day the boy and his mother go to check out the new house. They walk up, innocently to the front door, open it and find the entry pulsing with hundreds of tarantulas…

        The mom starts screaming hysterically and the boy starts crying – scarred forever…

        : (

        So yes – FUCK SPIDERS!!

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      3. The boy WAS me…. : ( Now do you see why I am so scared of those shitty things???????

        Unfortunately we do have them here but they mostly live out in fields – they don’t really roam around in the big city.

        Now – can we PLEASE stop talking about this – I’m about to start gagging…

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      4. Oh my god. Screw that. I’m glad I lived where I was much more likely to be attacked by a bear! Give me a bear over a tarantula any day. Hehe. Oops. Topic finished! 🙂

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